Painbodies in Relationship!

Got an issue with someone or something? Want to whine a little? Here's the place to do it, or to get to know folks, or ask those questions that don't fit anywhere else.
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avaneesh912
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Painbodies in Relationship!

Post by avaneesh912 » Fri Jan 15, 2016 6:41 am

In intimate relationships, painbodies are often clever enough to lie low until you start living together and preferably have signed a contract committing yourself to be with this person for the rest of your life. You don't just marry your wife or husband, you also marry her or his painbody – and your spouse marries yours. It can be quite a shock when, perhaps not long after moving in together after the honey moon, you find suddenly one day there is a complete personality change in your partner. Her voice becomes harsh or shrill as she accuses you, blames you, or shouts at you, mostly likely over a relatively trivial matter. Or she becomes totally withdrawn. “What's wrong?” you ask. “Nothing is wrong,” she says. But the intensely hostile energy she emanates is saying, “Everything is wrong.” When you look into her eyes, there is no light in them anymore; it is as if a heavy veil has descended, and the being you know and love which before was able to shine through her ego, is now totally obscured. A compete stranger seems to be looking back at you, and in her eyes there is hatred, hostility, bitterness, or anger. When she speaks to you, it is not your spouse or partner who is speaking but the painbody speaking through them. Whatever she is saying is the painbody's version of reality, a reality completely distorted by fear, hostility, anger, and a desire to inflict and receive more pain.

At this point you may wonder whether this is your partner's real face that you had never seen before and whether you made a dreadful mistake in choosing this person. It is, of course, not the real face, just the painbody that temporarily has taken possession. It would be hard to find a partner who doesn't carry a painbody; but it would perhaps be wise to choose someone whose painbody
is not excessively dense.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Tom S
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Re: Painbodies in Relationship!

Post by Tom S » Fri Jan 15, 2016 7:15 am

Phew!
Superb.
So do we flee?
Or do we begin the real work of transformation of ourselves?
There are no easy, pat answers to the manifestation of the human condition.
But my life lived in consistent congruence, as well as I can manage, with certain timeless spiritual principles seems the best response thus far.
As my pain body release its dominion over me, I can't help but feel the same happening in my loved ones.
The timing, degree and methodology is way above my knowing.
But as I come into peace, so does my world.
Used to be I'd just go get blasted.
Grateful for the Guft.

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avaneesh912
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Re: Painbodies in Relationship!

Post by avaneesh912 » Fri Jan 15, 2016 8:17 am

So do we flee?
Or do we begin the real work of transformation of ourselves?
People who flee, go from one relationship to other, some stay in relationship but with constant pain. In my journey after entering the early phase of recovery (until then I was unconscious of this happening), I noticed that there will be 3 weeks of peace followed by a week of hell. I couldn't understand that phenomenon. Later when I ran into Eckharts Power of Now I learned about the pain bodies awakening during the partners menstrual cylcle. I started paying attention to it. But still it would sneak up on me. Now I know its the partners egoic mind and not the true self, compassion arises, I don't have to feed energy into it arguments. Create space for that. It too shall pass.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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ann2
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Re: Painbodies in Relationship!

Post by ann2 » Fri Jan 15, 2016 10:57 am

This is why I find aa principles so useful. My pain body may have taken over, interpreting everything through its skewed perception, but I can still behave according to the directions in the steps. Even tho everything *seems* wrong, I try to do right, based on my spiritual awakening. Pretty soon the veil falls away and the "hidden" wonder is revealed.

The "bad" interpretation is very cunning. There are many times I would have run if I totally accepted it. But I know from having taken step 4 just how strongly I can be affected by this deception.

I don't worry about my partner's pain body -- just my own reaction to it. I find it's easier to accept that he's struggling than perhaps it is for him to accept that I'm struggling. Probably most of my pain body reactions would disappear quickly if he'd extend some compassion and tender support. His fears can't allow that now, however.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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