Wife needing HELP

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Sadie Ann
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Wife needing HELP

Post by Sadie Ann » Tue Dec 15, 2015 11:35 am

I am no stranger to AA or the alcoholic. My husband has had 24 years sobriety. Recently, after thinking he was having a stroke, I took him to the ER only to find out he had a blood alcohol level of 3.46! No there is NO alcohol in our house at all and he had been home with me all day. After digging I found multiple bottles of Dr Tichners mouthwash. He has become so addicted to this stuff and guess what you can by it at any place that sells toothbrushes. I am in between a rock and a hard place. See he runs a CD unit and I have no where to turn locally for help. Word gets out and he loses his career and his reputation is ruined. Need help please

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PaigeB
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Re: Wife needing HELP

Post by PaigeB » Tue Dec 15, 2015 12:00 pm

Hi, I am Paige and I am an alcoholic.

Surely your husband can return to AA and keep his anonymity in tact. Anyone he sees in a closed meeting is also an alcoholic. I hope that he has some AA friends he can turn to in this troubling time. He may wish to take a leave of absence and attend treatment in another city or state. He will have to decide.

You can help yourself be getting in touch with Alanon. They are a great group of folks who know what it feels like to be so close to someone and not know that they are drinking. OR to watch them seeming ruin themselves and the rest of the family while they drink themselves sick. I too have family members that suffer from this disease, but they are not yet ready to go to any length to get and stay sober. I went to Alanon anyway. It does not matter if they want to be sober or not, I needed help to keep me from going crazy in dealing with them!

You can find Alanon in your area through their main web site...
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/home

I hope that you find some Peace. It is possible no matter what happens with the alcoholic in your life.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

Sadie Ann
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Re: Wife needing HELP

Post by Sadie Ann » Tue Dec 15, 2015 12:15 pm

Thank you for your reply. My husband and his work is VERY well known not only locally but nation wide. This will be a big scandal if it gets outs and will be career ending for him. I have been trying to deal with this myself and we both know the step and what needs to be done but I am struggling. I have no where to turn for myself. This is not something I can tell even my best friend. It makes me feel like I am enabling him but that I have not been doing. Believe me he catches hell for each and every slip. I just need someone to talk too and ease my own pain.

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PaigeB
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Re: Wife needing HELP

Post by PaigeB » Tue Dec 15, 2015 1:54 pm

Perhaps you can find a woman who can just go to coffee with you? I mean, I can not over-estimate how beneficial meetings are, but with such privacy concerns maybe you could start with a phone call to your local hotline? Same thing goes for your husband - a trusted friend to meet with? After 24 years sober, he must know a trusted friend. If either of you decides to return to meetings, no one need mention a slip. We live in today.

The problem I had as a returning member (sober for 3 years and back drinking for 17) was that I thought I knew what I was supposed to do. But all that drinking made me pretty delusional. I was lying to myself at every turn and the #1 lie was that I could do it alone. I heard at a meeting, "You can't fix a broken tool with a broken tool." That tool being my brain and the mental obsession of the idea that a drink will fix it, that one or 2 won't hurt. But I was never ever a "1 or 2" kind of gal and a drink never fixed anything. Beyond that I thought I was honest and forgiving... hard to be honest when I have no idea what the truth is... some say it is found in the 4th Step, but I found it in the 5th Step - telling another person. And I thought I forgave, but I really had buried resentments that affect all of my actions without my direct knowledge of the resentments. I was deluded in so many ways... NO WAY I could do this alone ~ not then and not now, 6 years sober.

I hope that you reach out. AA was the last house on the block for me. I had to take the walk to the doors where I found help & hope and relief in this program.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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ann2
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Re: Wife needing HELP

Post by ann2 » Tue Dec 15, 2015 2:32 pm

Hi Sadie Ann, thanks for posting here. Al-Anon members recover using the steps just like AA members. I suggest you call Al-Anon to speak confidentially with an Al-Anon member for the help you need.

I also suggest that Pride and fear of economic insecurity are threatening your husband's life. Nothing is more important than sobriety. You will find support. Avoiding help because of a misguided attempt to save face or income is something you will regret.

This is why loved ones of alcoholics follow the steps too. Alcoholism is a family illness and spouses can be just as sick as the drinker.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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tyg
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Re: Wife needing HELP

Post by tyg » Tue Dec 22, 2015 12:42 am

Hi Sadie ann....

I agree with what Ann2 said, not much more I could add except that alcoholism is a disease and often fatal when left untreated. The baffling feature of alcoholism is that we can not stay stopped no matter how great the necessity or the wish. knowledge that alcohol is destroying our lives and trying to use our willpower to stay stopped or control the amounts consumed when drinking are not possible for the real alcoholic. Alcoholism is also a progressive illness, it will continue to get worse and never better.

I hope you will call an AA Intergroup office http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources, whether in your town or in another state to talk to someone in AA (for husband) and Al-anon(for yourself) http://al-anon.org/. This way you both can talk to someone anonymously and find a meeting that you both will feel comfortable at and not worry about your anonymity being broken. Anonymity is highly regarded in our fellowship.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

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