More Unity, less Conflict

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Tosh
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by Tosh » Mon Nov 30, 2015 9:03 am

Brock wrote:Something which seems to be gaining popularity with a couple of posters is 'diagnosing' other members shortcomings.
Yes, I've found a few new ones to go with my old ones. :lol:

That's funny really, since - for me - that's usually Mrs Tosh's job.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Brock
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by Brock » Mon Nov 30, 2015 10:00 am

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.... Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
The literature is pretty clear we look for our own faults when taking our inventory, random members of a recovery site aren't the ones to point them out. And little round laughing faces don't cut it sometimes.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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PaigeB
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by PaigeB » Mon Nov 30, 2015 12:45 pm

Yes, I've found a few new ones to go with my old ones. :lol:
Mee too! And I think that we need more round laughing faces - as these just do not do justice to my varying levels of feeling LOL :wink:
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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ezdzit247
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by ezdzit247 » Mon Nov 30, 2015 2:41 pm

PaigeB wrote:
Yes, I've found a few new ones to go with my old ones. :lol:
Mee too! And I think that we need more round laughing faces - as these just do not do justice to my varying levels of feeling LOL :wink:
I totally agree. More of those round laughing faces would be great! Some posters here have a really wonderful sense of humor and it would be nice to have a little ROLFLMAO icon to show my appreciation for their comments, especially the ones I read while drinking my morning coffee which send coffee up my nose!!!
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

AAPJ
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by AAPJ » Mon Nov 30, 2015 3:30 pm

I hope you do not mean people can't disagree with each other here in a civilized respectful manner. One of my drinking behaviors was to not argue when I disagreed with others. Instead I would reach for a drink and bury my thoughts/opinions. Thus, I find respectful conflict resolution when disagreements occur to be part of my recovery process.

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tyg
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by tyg » Tue Dec 01, 2015 4:30 am

AAPJ wrote:I hope you do not mean people can't disagree with each other here in a civilized respectful manner.

Nope...was not implying that at all.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by Db1105 » Tue Dec 01, 2015 8:52 am

tyg wrote:Too much of debates and bickering, not enough discussion. Lately, It has been discouraging to see all the discord in the e-AA group forum. There are many ways to have a discussion without making derogatory responses to the posts people make.

What happened to just being able to share our experience, strength and hope without being corrected or lectured....or whatever? I am glad I have yet to see this happen in F2F meetings. My guess is, it would turn people away and make one hesitant to reach out for help or want to express themselves.
Thanks, I thought it was just me. A few to many discussions started by disparaging remarks about others and about other AA groups for my liking. I often ponder what the newcomer must think when reading some of these threads. Maybe that's why we don't see that many newcomers here.

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PaigeB
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by PaigeB » Tue Dec 01, 2015 12:12 pm

Like a lot of f2f meetings, a rabble rouser will visit for a while, stirring the pot. It wakes up things we have already practiced Love & tolerance on and may have accepted at some level. Then BAM! A new set of topics erupt! Then slowly they reach page 5 or get locked for other reasons. A couple new threads open, but pretty soon it all dies back to embers.

I have taken my personal discomfort to my sponsor privately and found out what my part is and found out that I am still capable of more Love & tolerance. I keep practicing anyway. It is the way we roll.... we struggle, learn, practice & repeat the process. I decided in Step 3 to trust the process. I can not take that back so I gotta go forward.

Love from Iowa!
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by AAPJ » Tue Dec 01, 2015 12:43 pm

tyg wrote:
AAPJ wrote:I hope you do not mean people can't disagree with each other here in a civilized respectful manner.

Nope...was not implying that at all.
Great - thanks for the clarification.

While I'm fairly new to this board I have been a regular visitor/participant on many internet discussion boards over the last 10+ years. Some thoughts/observations to share about internet discussion boards:

Over the last decade people in general have become less civil in their internet board communications. This just sucks but it's the reality of how our society communicates today. This board is in my view more civilized than many I have seen. There is a balance between popularity and the number of rules imposed by a board. Too many rules and quick banning of "troublemakers" does result in more civilized discussions. But these tight control high rules boards tend to be less popular and so if you are OK with this it's fine. On the other hand you might find that a smaller group of people means fewer visitors to the site to get help/encouragement. In my view the best and most popular internet discussion boards are somewhere in between with the number of rules they impose and how quickly they ban "troublemakers". For subject matter focused sites like this one a rule that seems to filter out a lot of the riff raff and arguments is a simple ban on the discussion of politics. On the other hand, the highly variable process of recovery and how to achieve sobriety is going to be a difficult topic which by it's very nature will cause reasonable people to disagree.

Finally, I realize there is a culture in the recovery community to not criticize others as it might disrupt the persons sobriety/recovery process. If you don't agree with something I post anywhere on this site please give me a blast. You do not need to mince words or sugarcoat your response. As long as you are civil and constructive I welcome your disagreement. I find that I learn the most from people who disagree with me. TFLMS

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ezdzit247
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by ezdzit247 » Tue Dec 01, 2015 1:31 pm

Good food for thought. Thanks for your post, AAPJ

I agree with your observations of what has generally been happening on internet discussion boards. It used to be fun and interesting to read posts on different topics on internet forums but I have noticed that even on so-called monitored boards that "trolls" have invaded, they have been allowed to spam and disrupt the threads with off-topic personal attacks on other forum members for so long that it has eliminated any possibility of any coherent discussion on any topic. Some boards have tried to solve the troll problem by reviewing all submitted comments to make sure the poster has conformed with forum guidelines before his comments can appear to the public, and this labor intensive process can take hours. It's such a shame that a handful of jerks who refuse to abide by the guidelines can spoil such a great communication device for so many others.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by No.3 » Tue Dec 01, 2015 10:07 pm

tyg wrote:My guess is, it would turn people away and make one hesitant to reach out for help or want to express themselves.
Excellent point, TYG. My guess is that your guess is spot-on.

I've flagged several attack posts, they haven't been deleted. That's a Trusted Servant's duty, I'd presume. Neglect or intent?

So it goes. Allowing a few bad eggs to stalk, harass, attack newcomers certainly poisoned the well. Tacit or deliberate encouragement of conflict breeds disharmony - that appears to be a longstanding problem on this site.

As the oldtimers correctly note: "How that working out for ya?"
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.

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PaigeB
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by PaigeB » Wed Dec 02, 2015 2:09 am

No there is no disharmony... a few rabble rousers though and they make themselves known by their deeds. Sorry the Mod Team didn't get your reports sooner No. 3, but that life in AA - I mean we actually have lives now... :wink:

There is much unity when we stick to sharing ES&H. That is my experience.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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avaneesh912
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by avaneesh912 » Wed Dec 02, 2015 5:26 am

There are free version of the book "power of now" in PDF format, search egoic mind or conditioned mind, you probably find several short segments which will give you an idea of how the human psychie works.

Egos are drawn to bigger egos. Darkness cannot rec-ognize light. Only light can recognize light.

The moment someone posts something, you see how people line up to defend or attack the OP. They dont even read the content (most of the time). Its because so and so posted it, I am going take a stance against him/her.

See how people use slide tactics like so and so research says there are this Big book Nazi blah blah. Thats passive agression and yet the same person accuses others being jerks and bigots. And my posts are labeled irony. See the content, ask questions if something is not clear. "hurling" big book passage is a perfect example. I wanted clarification but also, posted my practise.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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avaneesh912
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Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by avaneesh912 » Wed Dec 02, 2015 6:42 am

I also want to add, there is a talk about we chasing away new-comers.

If we drop the conditioned-mind and look at the way we respond when a new-comers come on board and introduce themselves, we show so much love. We welcome them and point them in the right direction, to The message of alcoholics anonymous.

Egoic minds? Totally different attitude. Thats why I am in for private sections on this forum for exclusive topics. I would love to see these people there so we all can eat each other out. I am all game.

I am part of on-line sponsorship committe so are few here and for the past few years, I would have had requests from about 100 in few years and only 2 I could say stuck around and its just not me, so is the experience of others too. Thats the nature of this disease.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

2granddaughters

Re: More Unity, less Conflict

Post by 2granddaughters » Wed Dec 02, 2015 4:22 pm

"If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length" ... you will get no problem from me.

"If you are a newby, don't know which way is up, and want to argue and try to change what we have" ... then I will give you some grief.

As my old sponsor said "aggravating people tend to aggravate people".


I have never "reported" a post on any website I frequent. I may respond with a post of my own. IMHO it's the "reporting" that causes most of the conflicts
Keep it out in the open like it would be in a F2F meeting. This "reporting" behind the scene is where the trolls thrive to agitate and aggravate.

What would really be cool is to have a group conscience vote in the conflict(s). Post the people's "reports" so we can vote if they are valid or not.

All the best.

Bob R

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