Explosion of resentments and frustration

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Jezzie15
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Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by Jezzie15 » Sun Aug 30, 2015 9:38 am

I've beensober 10 weeks now, going to meetings, regular exercise, seeing people outside at meet up groups, keeping busy busy busy. Can't find a job yet, applied for loads. I'm so resentful to loads of things, my mum who does my head in, the neighbours just for being there and not taking my parcel in even tho I take all his in. All happy couples and families upset me. I'm alone but my cats keep me going. My ex took my business last year so I had to move. She cheated with one of our clients and left me in serious debt. I try so hard I eat well I'm good to my mum I feel so suffocated by life. I hate my body feel like life's left me behind gotta get a grip I know! Please suggest anything to help, I take regular vitamins and supplements and I'm nearly off my anti depressants now, just want to feel good again pleeeese.

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Tommy-S
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Re: Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by Tommy-S » Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:00 am

Welcome Jezzie,

Congrats on 10 weeks... That's great!

I was reminded time after time in early sobriety that I did Not get sick overnight, and that it would take time to get well.

And it did seem when I stopped that things got worst... that was because all of the wreckage I had been drinking over 'finally' caught up with me... I came out of that alcoholic fog to face the mess I made. And was exactly where I was supposed to be.

Time takes time... there's no Microwave sobriety

The good news is that with the help of a sponsor to guide me through the Steps, I have been able to clear the wreckage of the past and find a life better than any I could have imagined.

You will, too... Just keep doing AA. YOU will get better

One of the most helpful things early on was to get a home group and get active...even if it was only setting up & cleaning up after the meeting... that kept me from sitting home thinking about ME and the mess I had created. Call some of those AA's you've met in those meetings. Tell them where you are at. Ask for help. It works.

You can do it... and this, too, will pass IF you stay away from that Fatal First Drink today.

Thanks... Tommy


The best part is that IF you continue to move forward, you will never have to deal with this mess again.
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

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Niagara
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Re: Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by Niagara » Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:07 am

Hi and welcome Jezzie,

Congrats on 10 weeks. What you are describing sounds much to me like me own experiences of stopping drinking for any length of time - pre steps. Have you made a start on the steps?

All of the feelings you describe, I had those too. Our big book calls it 'irritable, restless and discontent'. Eventually (nowhere like ten weeks for me, in the end) despite my resolve to not drink ever again, I'd end up drinking again...as my mind would persuade me 'its the only way to feel better'. That obsession would get stronger and stronger until I had no choice. Drink, or go crazy. Then, once I started, i couldn't stop and the whole thing would begin again.

Once I got into the steps, that obsession was removed, and I began to find new ways to handle life - and especially resentments. I pick those up very easily.....just walking down the street sometimes.

So yeah, AA is a 12 step program, going to meetings is good, but it won't keep you well, or sane. If I'm honest, I became as mad as a box of frogs without the drink...because there was no respite, it was 24/7. Just little old me in my little old head, driving myself slowly round the bend.

I got a sponsor to guide me through the steps - others here I believe did them alone. If I can be any further assistance, please let me know :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

Jezzie15
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Re: Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by Jezzie15 » Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:22 am

Thanks guys for your wise words I did my first step in rehab 6 weeks ago so I know I must keep going and need to get a sponsor ASAP. just started some DIY to take out my frustrations on something!!

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Duke
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Re: Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by Duke » Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:48 am

Welcome Jezzie.

Yeah, I think most of us have been where you are to some degree. I certainly agree that the best suggestion is to get working on the steps and trust that it will get better.

I will share that when I was experiencing similar frustration with repeated powerful resentments, etc, my sponsor suggested I try the tenth step as laid out in the big book whenever I stared to feel that way.

He was careful to let me know, doing this could not serve as an excuse to put off the rest of my step work. But given the intensity of the emotions I was feeling, he thought I needed a step by step approach to letting them go.

That's what the tenth step is. Ask that it be removed, talk to someone about it, make any necessary amends, and resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I can help.

Doing that really helped me in my time of need.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

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positrac
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Re: Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by positrac » Sun Aug 30, 2015 4:13 pm

HALT:

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

These 4 words can have us in a pinch really fast and it takes time to recover from our drinking. So give yourself a break and take a breath and worry about what you can do for yourself and things will come around in their own time.

Look we feel for you although we've experienced similar events in our lives and we can overcome crazy stuff.


Be well
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

chefchip
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Re: Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by chefchip » Mon Aug 31, 2015 4:35 am

Jezzie15 wrote:Thanks guys for your wise words I did my first step in rehab 6 weeks ago so I know I must keep going and need to get a sponsor ASAP. just started some DIY to take out my frustrations on something!!
I'm beating a dead horse, but.... yep, I can read your words and feel what you're feeling, because I was once there. What you are feeling, what you are going through, is the very thing that the steps were designed to help you overcome. And overcome, you can. My life is proof of that. Get that sponsor NOW! And lean on us here, if you want, until you get that person.

One thing I can add that helped me through the turmoil of early recovery -- live every day as Opposite Day. No matter what happened to me, I took the suggestion to resist the urge to react the same way I always reacted in the past. I tried different reactions, different approaches. I learned that most all of my past coping mechanisms had been created by me to enable me to go back to the bottle when life got hard. By breaking that cycle, I gave myself a fighting chance until recovery took root.

Be well, friend. We're all in your corner!
Chip
The only constant in life is change.

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ezdzit247
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Re: Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by ezdzit247 » Mon Aug 31, 2015 11:45 am

Jezzie15 wrote:I've beensober 10 weeks now, going to meetings, regular exercise, seeing people outside at meet up groups, keeping busy busy busy. Can't find a job yet, applied for loads. I'm so resentful to loads of things, my mum who does my head in, the neighbours just for being there and not taking my parcel in even tho I take all his in. All happy couples and families upset me. I'm alone but my cats keep me going. My ex took my business last year so I had to move. She cheated with one of our clients and left me in serious debt. I try so hard I eat well I'm good to my mum I feel so suffocated by life. I hate my body feel like life's left me behind gotta get a grip I know! Please suggest anything to help, I take regular vitamins and supplements and I'm nearly off my anti depressants now, just want to feel good again pleeeese.
Hi Jezzie and welcome.

Congratulations on 10 weeks of sobriety!

Sounds like you are doing a lot of very positive things for yourself in addition to not drinking. Meetings, regular exercise, good diet, vitamins, etc., all very good stuff. Those things you are feeling now--anger, resentments, impatience, intolerance, hate, insecurity, worry, fear, etc are all things I began feeling at about 8-10 weeks of sobriety too. Later I learned that I didn't feel those things when I was drinking because the booze anesthetized my emotions so I didn't have to feel them--and I liked that. The worst part of detoxing from booze for me, besides the initial 3-4 day physical stuff like my body feeling totally trashed, nausea, vomiting, shakes, DT's, and gagging over the idea of even looking at food, was the emotional roller coaster ride I began to experience at about 8-10 weeks of sobriety. That's when I had physically detoxed enough from the anesthetic effects of booze to begin feeling my feelings again, but I didn't know that about alcoholism back then. I would go to different AA meetings hoping to hear something that would help me deal my anger, but all I heard at meetings was stuff people shared about gratitude and faith, which just made me even more angry! Seriously, at that point I really thought those AA old timers were deliberately picking topics like gratitude and faith for discussion meetings just to piss off newcomers! When I complained about how angry I felt after the meetings, my new AA friends would just smile and say things like : "You're beginning to feel again?" "Wonderful!" "About three months sober are ya? Hey, right on time!" "Everything comes to pass and this will pass too." "Hang in there; it gets better" and "Keep coming back." They were right, of course. My emotions settled down and I began to mellow out at about 16 weeks of sobriety. At about 4 months of sober, I began to get enough mental sobriety to begin working on my 4th Step and by about 6 months of sobriety I had worked through all of AA's 12 Steps. Somehow, I kept the plug in the jug no matter how uncomfortable I felt. I went to lots and lots of meetings, sometimes 3 a day, and listened to the personal stories people shared about their own journeys from their alcoholic drinking to living life one day at time sober. Everything got better for me, one day at a time, and it will for you too.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reborn
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Re: Explosion of resentments and frustration

Post by Reborn » Mon Aug 31, 2015 3:03 pm

I agree with EZ :wink: I remember my first meeting and how pissed I was that I "had" to be there. I couldn't stand how happy these people were and they were sober to boot...how the hell does that work?? I also remember coming out of the fog and all the emotional crap that comes with that. In the beginning of this journey it was difficult to get out of my selfish thinking but as I took the actions in the steps it started to get better bit by bit. The resentments that ruled my life ceased to have any power over me and my changed reaction to life helps me not hang on to resentment. Resentments are like stray cats...if you stop feeding them they go away...Glad you are here!
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132

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