confusion

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richjoy
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confusion

Post by richjoy »

HI
I am confused about AA. My bff and I decided to quit drinking and figured that AA would be helpful. She drinks beer and I drink wine. WHen we went, we were basically told that those were light weight drinks and we didnt have a problem. One guy said it even says that in the book, what ever that means.
THen we were told by the three guys there about how they had a real problem because they drank the real stuff ( whiskey, etc.) I thought it was for anyone with any kind of a drinking problem. Was I wrong? Is there a group for us "lightweights" as they called us?

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avaneesh912
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Re: confusion

Post by avaneesh912 »

No. That is totally proposterous. Please read the book Alcoholics Anonymous and find it for yourself at http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

TonyWARMS
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Re: confusion

Post by TonyWARMS »

If that were the case, I'd guess, about 90% of us are "in the wrong group".
Do yourself a favor, if there are more meetings in your area, you could try a few different ones.
Maybe, you could find one where they are not puffing themselves up with how they are "real alcoholics".
If you feel you have a problem, and want to stop, you are at the right place.

Good thoughts, and peace
Tony
"Nothing comes to stay. Everything comes to pass".
(I don't know where I heard this)

richjoy
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Re: confusion

Post by richjoy »

Thank you everyone. :-)

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Duke
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Re: confusion

Post by Duke »

No. That is totally proposterous
Agreed. I can't imagine why they would say that. If you have a desire to stop drinking, you are welcome.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

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positrac
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Re: confusion

Post by positrac »

Look that is the wrong way to provide information for the person who thinks they have a problem with the drink...... I think you might of asked the wrong gender your initial questions as I know we have a little bit of ego when the ladies are around. I mean strictly speaking for me that is. Also if you can depending on where you live I would highly recommend you find other meeting places to get clearer terms to the real purpose of AA and the alcoholic who still suffers (not directing this at you as this is in general)

best of luck.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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avaneesh912
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Re: confusion

Post by avaneesh912 »

I was at a big book study meeting today and where at this segment:

**-----***
How many time people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her sake." "The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

**-----***
Perhaps those people took that totally out of context. LOL.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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positrac
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Re: confusion

Post by positrac »

avaneesh912 wrote:I was at a big book study meeting today and where at this segment:

**-----***
How many time people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her sake." "The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

**-----***
Perhaps those people took that totally out of context. LOL.
I am that idiot who likes to chase street cars and keeps getting injured......sheesh like some kind of mental disorder! :roll: I went to rehab in March of 1990 and at the time I had 4 months sober and not white knuckle I mean serious sobriety and the 90 and 90 bit the whole nine yards. So back then it was said that all alcohol had the same amounts of go fast (stuff that got us drunk) I don't believe that as if I drank certain hard stuff I got real dumb and like Tequila I don't remember. So I drank mainly beer because at least I felt like I had some control over my actions. All I know is that stuff in any form of recreational use is not a good thing for me and so what works for me is to just identify that I am that one of many who has a problem and hopefully my story will help the one who still suffers. :D
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

Lali
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Re: confusion

Post by Lali »

Yes, beer contains less alcohol than liquor. Therefore, if I were drinking beer, I would have to drink more beer to equal the same effects I got from drinking liquor. And since my goal was always to get as inebriated as possible no matter what I was drinking, I found that I would simply have more glasses of beer than I would have had of liquor. So the theory that beer and wine are for lightweights does not hold true for me.

I would assume that many, if not most, alcoholics drank the same way I did....

Richjoy, I am sorry that you found that particular meeting. I would encourage you to try others.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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PaigeB
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Re: confusion

Post by PaigeB »

Is there a group for us "lightweights" as they called us?
I can tell you that the meeting you went to is probably NOT the meeting I would go to. I was a beer only (for the most part) drinker and not one single person has ever said something so outrageous.

SO - sometimes in AA we vote with our dollar and we vote with our feet. Go to a different meeting! Go to several and pick your favorite for your Home group and go to the rest often ~ get to know some folks and tell them about what happened (privately). I am sure that you are not the only one who has been so received.

You earned your chair(s) at every AA meeting anywhere in the world if you say you earned it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. "The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." Read up on our Traditions ^^ that is Tradition 3. You may find an opportunity to help another because of what you have been through! That is always the way it has happened for me.

Keep coming back!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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whipping post
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Re: confusion

Post by whipping post »

I just really hope that as positrac mentioned that was some male ego talking and I really hope it was in side conversation rather than part of the actual meeting.

As others have said that is not true and I would suggest trying several different meetings should you continue. You will probably find some you like more than others.

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Blue Moon
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Re: confusion

Post by Blue Moon »

richjoy wrote:WHen we went, we were basically told that those were light weight drinks and we didnt have a problem. One guy said it even says that in the book, what ever that means.
Were you actually told this, or was it your interpretation of what was said?

Alcoholism is a disease of perception. If you are alcoholic, part of the difficulty will be that you'll sometimes convince yourself you're not ( perhaps by misinterpretation of what was really said at a meeting).

Anyone who understands the alcoholic condition will know that type and quantity of consumption is really irrelevant. Both physically and mentally, what alcohol does TO you depends on many factors (which may include age, internal physical condition, diet, height, weight, etc. etc.) But what it once did FOR you is exactly the same as every other alcoholic in the room.

Beer, wine, whiskey, whatever. The alcohol has no opinion on what it's contained within, and neither do your poor liver, pancreas, brain, etc. when trying to process an overload of the stuff.

Bottom line: if alcohol never did anything FOR you, it cannot do anything TO you (at least, not more than once). Us alcoholics are like folks at a buffet who have a dangerous allergy to shellfish yet keep going back for another portion an hour later. Who but the individual themselves really cares whether they were eating lobster, crabs or shrimp?
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon

catcar
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Re: confusion

Post by catcar »

Don't let yourself get to a place where you experience the "yets". All you need is to want to stop drinking.

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Barbara D.
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Re: confusion

Post by Barbara D. »

I'm a high-bottom, female drunk. Back in 1981, I joined a hardcore, male Home Group. Some of those old guys did tell me they spilled more booze on their ties than I ever got down my throat. I did not relate to a lot of their "yets," but they knew about black-outs and how to stay sober, so I kept coming to meetings.

Now, I know that no one person speaks for AA. If I get some weird feedback, I can always bring it up as a topic for discussion or speak 1 on 1 to someone whom I related to when they shared during the meeting. If I don't like what I hear over and over again, it's probably something that I need to work on or change. Being agnostic/athiest when I got here, it was quite the process for me to accept that the 12 Steps are a spiritual program.

The Big Book does discuss stages of alcoholism in the chapter To Wives starting on page 108. All I really saw in the Big Book early on was the differences. I relied heavily on experience, strength, and hope.

From my perspective now, the Big Book was written by hardcore, male drunks for hardcore, male drunks. But it quickly spread to women and to high-bottom drunks. I think it is still "golden" because the 12 Steps have been applied to so many addictions successfully! I personally prefer The Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions because it kind of updated the Big Book.

As has been said already, if you have a desire to stop drinking, you are in the right place! In fellowship, Barbara D.

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Brock
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Re: confusion

Post by Brock »

Barbara’s post reminded me of a passage in the 12 & 12 which covers this very topic, below are sections from pages 22 & 23, it would be nice to go back to that meeting and read this for the education of the resident idiots.
In A.A.'s pioneering time, none but the most desperate
cases could swallow and digest this unpalatable truth….. That is why the first edition of the book “Alcoholics Anonymous,” published when our membership was small, dealt with low-bottom cases only…..

It is a tremendous satisfaction to record that in the following
years this changed. Alcoholics who still had their
health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the
garage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend
grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely
more than potential alcoholics. They were spared that last
ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone
through.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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