Got an issue with someone or something? Want to whine a little? Here's the place to do it, or to get to know folks, or ask those questions that don't fit anywhere else.
- Trusted Servant
- Posts: 372
- Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2001 2:01 am
- Location: middletown, ohio
Hi Foxxybee,<P>Sorry to hear that you are still having problems with that one individual. That person has the problem not you unless you take that person problem on.<P>I would be glad to help you in any way that I can. Since you have come to this group I have tried to be very supportive to you. I wish that I had the answer you need at this time. But I have been having some problems of mine own to deal with. My mind is tired along with my body. <P>I will be glad to put my problems aside and help you in any way that I can. Have you talked to your sponsor about the situation?<P>Take care of yourself that the only thing that is important.
Hi Blue Moon,<P>Thank you for your email and suggestions. I will consider them. Respond to your few questions:<BR>Did you know this other person was at the meeting? Yes, because she attends daily like myself. I almost did not share but I did not see anything wrong with my share. It was benign.<BR>What did other says? I got a few whispers from others telling me that my share was great or good. One person said that liked my share and that he also attend only online meetings like myself (I see him there almost daily) and that like me it is keeping him sober.<BR>Perhaps she had a point. No she did not; she over reacted and read something into my share that was not there. I did not intentionlly attack her in public like she said I did. All I did was to relate my experience with online meetings. The nut & bolt of my share was: 1) One can get sober and stay sober in an online fellowship meeting if one have the "desire to stop drinking!" 2) It can work on-line, not just f2f meetings. Like f2f meetings, what ones get from online mmetings depends on what you put into it. 3) Online meetings can play a valuable/important role in ones recovery program. Especially the loner-type like me who are afraid of f2f meetings. 4) It can serve as a bridge to f2f meetings. 5) One can obtain a good foundation from online meeting.<BR>I did not read too much into her words. When someone type on a screen, it is very easy to understand what is being said.<BR>Online Meetings - I have been to several online meeting rooms; and this was the community I really enjoyed and liked the most. I like the people and its focus on the newcomers to AA. I have decided to give up on online meetings all together for now. I 'll just read the BB, work the steps and communicate with a few select folks by email.<P>Thank you for your support.
Foxxy, don't give up! I don't know which online community you are talking about, but I think in any community there will be someone who might take offense at something that was not meant to offend anyone. We are all human and we all are working for "progress, not perfection".<P>I started in an online AA group...I went online for quite a while before I could muster up the courage to go to f2f. And I upset a lot of people in my online group.....I would go online while drinking, heck, I shared while drinking. One night, I got into an online argument with people while I was drunk....I couldn't remember the whole conversation the next day, but I emailed one lady to apologize and say I wouldn't go back ....and she sent me the most loving and gentle email back. And what she told me was that I am a member of AA when and if I say I am...that makes me belong, and that the most important thing was to keep coming back, no matter who was mad. Of course I tried to apologize to everyone, but there was one lady who just wouldn't talk to me anymore. But I still went.....I had to go for me. That was my last drunk...the day I received that email was my sobriety date. What I learned from that gentle lady was that this program is one of unconditional love. That doesn't mean that everyone will like you or what you have to say..... but they will love you. The ONLY thing is that you have to go into the room to receive the unconditional love...you can't receive that by reading the books....you get that from the people. A single person, who took what you said wrong should not have the power to take from you what, (if you are like me), you so desparately need....this is life and death here, if she got a little miffed by what you shared, so what....it isn't worth risking your sobriety over. There are other people in that room who you can chat with. If you go to the same room as I do, I will chat with you.<P>It took me a few months to go to f2f. When I got there, I sat in the very back and came right when the meeting started, and left right when it ended. I did that for months. Those people also show the unconditional love of this program...they knew I was terrified to be there. Today, I have a sponsor.....actually 2, an online sponsor who helped me tremendously to get to the point where I could go in person, and a f2f sponsor. For me, I could not do this alone.....I could read the steps and make attempts to do them, but I have learned so much from my sponsors about actually doing the steps....and that is what is keeping me sober, at least just for today.<P>I had walls too....big concrete block ones. They are being gently lifted one by one, and now there is a small opening that just keeps getting bigger. And you know what... those walls that kept people out, now I realize that all this time, they also have been blocking me in....keeping me from fully feeling love, joy, happiness, and other emotions. And I never knew it until I started really experiencing those feelings. And believe me, you want those feelings too!<P>I like you .....just like another person said.....we read your posts and feel like we know you. I am not one that shares here often, but I come everyday and read what is posted. You deserve to be happy! Don't cheat yourself......keep going to the meeting you enjoy!
Great to have you Erica...<P>Yes, online is a great way to share where otherwise I might not.<P>I still prefer f2f meetings... I guess. I mean, they're pretty hard to compare. Now that I'm living overseas and in a pretty secluded spot--this website has been a real lifesaver.<P>I relate to the feelings being talked around here. So often, though, I catch myself now because I've been around AA long enough... that I'll realize man, that's just old behaviour--the negativity, synicism, pessimism--just don't have to listen to that.<P>And when I can go to a meeting--or plug in online, I can hear other things: hope, love, friendship.<P>Recovery. <P>Keep on trudgin'!<P>Barry C.
Hi Foxxybee,<BR>I understand how you feel being a loner/recluse and building that wall to keep people away from you and and keep you away from other people. I am a lot like that too. I found f2f meetings before I found online meetings, though. I had to go to meetings, it was the only way I could stay sober. And the meetings helped me a lot. Most of the time I would sit and just listen, not even introduce myself. Then in my homegroup they started going around the table from person to person, each person sharing. I still didn't share, I usually just introduced myself as an alcoholic and said that I was there to listen, thanks. I was talking to a guy last night that I go to meetings with sometimes. He asked me, "Why don't you share at meetings very often?" I said because I'm just used to being like that, not saying much. I've always been like that. He told me not to be afraid to open up, that there was nothing wrong with me. He said, "This program is about changing our lives for the better, right? And getting rid of our shortcomings." I said yeah. He said that I should just slowly work on communicating with others, remembering when I say the serenity prayer, the "courage to change the things I can part." I liked the way he put it and I'll try to work on that more in the future. Today I have four months of sobriety, which seemed to go by pretty slow, but for once I can say that I'm happy with where I'm at and happy with where I'm going- wherever that may be- thanks to AA meetings and my Higher Power and reading all the posts on this forum. Anyway, good luck Foxxybee and I hope you're able to keep going to your online meetings without worrying about who's there and what they might think.
"Hope is when we feel the pain that makes us try again."
foxxybee:<BR>Hi, I read your post on sharing and would like to add my own experience. I am not exactly one to talk alot in f2f meetings, even though I have been around the rooms for a few 24 hours. When I was new I didn't talk at all. Even in open meetings. But I didn't learn anything much about myself either. What I share is basically for me, even if someone else reacts to it. All I can give is my experience, strength and hope. If my experience is similar to someone else, so be it. If they have a problem with it they can talk to me about it, but it shouldn't stop me from sharing again at another meeting. I had to change my behavior in order to get sober. If I continue to allow someone to live rent free in my head, as I did when I was drinking or allow someone to run my life for me, as I did when I was drinking, then I haven't changed. Also, I was a people pleaser and if someone didn't like what I said, well I guess I should have said what that person wanted. No. My sponsor taught me that I am going through a process in this program. Part of the process is to find out who I am now and to change those parts of me that caused me to drink. Remember, alcohol is just a symptom. Give yourself time to learn how to share; it is not something that can be done quickly. Don't give up because someone didn't like what or how you said something during your sharing. We are looking for spiritual progress not perfection.
You must be the change you want in the world. Ghandi