- The extended family (who live in other cities) already paid up-front cost of sober living house (a very reasonable rate, paid directly to the house) and sent groceries.
- Relative is asking for family to pay another week of sober living house rent since no medical leave paychecks have been received yet.
- While it is true that the relative in recovery has received no pay since leaving rehab, the relative squandered the only paycheck received during rehab (sent it all to a drug-abusing lover who shows no interest in recovery), and since finishing rehab immediately returned to making bad decisions that are hurtful to others. The family does not wish to support/enable such behavior.
- Relative loves the word "boundaries" to deflect questions that are too judgemental (Have you talked to your minor child yet? Do you feel it is a good idea that [name of actively-drug-using lover] is the one driving you to and from AA/NA meetings?), yet is fine with asking for money.
We would prefer to "detach with love" and refuse any financial support. Yet we understand that this is the beginning of a recovery journey and that the first days after rehab are too soon to expect the relative to make good decisions and to be able treat family with respect or to show back up in the child's life. And it is true that the relative has no other obvious means to pay the rent for a few more weeks until medical leave paychecks kick in.
If we do pay more rent, is there any way to ask for some kind of accountability that also respects boundaries?