People chronically late for meetings and sharing

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Sleddog75
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People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by Sleddog75 »

Just a quick query regarding chronic people who arrive late. None of my business, however, I chair a lot of meetings throughout the week and I am a firm believer that I generally try to ask those who are on time to share before I get to those who arrive late. Personally, arriving chronically late is an ego of sorts. This is strictly my opinion that both myself and sponsor vigorously share. I understand there is no literature on this topic which is why I just thought I'd ask for some general thoughts or comments. The only reason I ask is because I've had a few members inquire why I rarely ask those who arrive late to share. Personal opinion I guess. Have a good two four

-Sled

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Tosh
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by Tosh »

I'm an ex soldier; I'm early for everything. But anything that annoys me, including the punctuality of others, is a learning opportunity, if I want it to be.

Personally, I think even attempting to make the alkies in your area punctual would be a bit like herding cats.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Sleddog75
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by Sleddog75 »

i know what thats like...getting aa people to do anything as a group is like herding cats for sure. and my sponsor is military as well and a 30 year member. today after many years, i was 20 mins early for the meeting and he was all over me about my whereabouts. 30 minutes early, put on coffee be an example...haha but its such a valuable lesson. im early for EVERYTHING in life now. makes me an all-star at work :)

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Tosh
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by Tosh »

Sleddog75 wrote: be an example...haha
That's good leadership skills; leading by example. I also think it's a source of power. I don't know about you, but me, I'm crap when it comes to doing stuff - that I should be doing - but only 'I' benefit from. Unless a metaphorical 'bat to my face' is heading my way, I'll put it off or not bother at all.

So by being 'an example' means I'm motivated to do the stuff I should be doing but don't always want to do, like getting to meetings early, but with the intention of being useful (leading by example) to others.

I'm not sure if I've explained that properly.

It sounds like you've got a great sponsor.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Robert R
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by Robert R »

One past member of a group I attend was typically 15 minutes late. The reason? Fear and paranoia! He believed that if anyone saw him in that area before meeting start time they might think he was a drunk heading to the AA meeting :shock:
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

D'oh
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by D'oh »

Personally, if I went to a meeting and a late comer wasn't allowed to share. I would talk to the later comer after the meeting. Just to see if everything was OK. If I attended a second meeting and a late comer wasn't allowed to share (same member or different). I would STOP going to that meeting.

The chair person is not God, so why do they have the right to take others inventories? Who is to say the late comer wasn't spreading the message somewhere causing them to be late. Helping a little old lady across a street, delivering Meals on Wheels, or anything? And who gave anyone of us the right to judge? The truth is that they made it to the meeting, late but they are still there.

Maybe you opened the meeting too early and you shouldn't be allowed to share.

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ezdzit247
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by ezdzit247 »

I can think of several reasons why some AA members may be "chronically" late for meetings,i.e. their babysitter is chronically late, their kids have an abandonment issue crises just as mommy or daddy starts to walk out the door, the person they depend on for rides is chronically late, they have a boss who chronically waits until they've clocked out to initiate a chat session, the have chronic car troubles they can't afford to pay to fix properly, etc, etc, etc. and a dozen more reasons out of their control that are none of my business. Whenever I did meeting secretary duties or chaired a discussion meeting I called on members to share who looked agitated or stressed because I figured they were the ones who actually needed to share what was going on in their lives. I never used my trusted servant position to punish or reward another AA member...ever.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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PaigeB
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by PaigeB »

"You're only late to your first meeting!"

I was quite a few years late...
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

No.3
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Re: People chronically late & sharing

Post by No.3 »

I think it just depends - seems wrong to penalize the chronically tardy on that point alone. However, that's typically not the case, the offense is compounded...

Often, the individual isn't sharing any message of hope, or the message is window-dressing for me-me-me sharing, personal living issues and whatnot, in ego-driven disregard for the group/meeting. For me the teeth-gnashing moment comes when we all get a happy/sad/funny "cat update" lol I see that type of narcissist fairly often: never on time, always eating in the meeting (unemployed: totally unnecessary) always first to put up her hand, and sharing waaaay too long. It's a familiar type everywhere, I'd guess. They don't bother me, I'll laugh at the 'cat moment' now.

If you're chairing the meeting, it's your choice whom to call. If a clique senses one of theirs isn't getting enough "me time," they might speak to you, YES.
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.

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tyg
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by tyg »

Whether someone has a good reason for being late or not. They may have an ES&H that someone in the room needs to hear.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by Patsy© »

Just a quick query regarding chronic people who arrive late. None of my business, however, I chair a lot of meetings throughout the week and I am a firm believer that I generally try to ask those who are on time to share before I get to those who arrive late. Personally, arriving chronically late is an ego of sorts. This is strictly my opinion that both myself and sponsor vigorously share. I understand there is no literature on this topic which is why I just thought I'd ask for some general thoughts or comments. The only reason I ask is because I've had a few members inquire why I rarely ask those who arrive late to share. Personal opinion I guess. Have a good two four

-Sled


This is a great example of why the chairperson at AA meetings needs to change often...very often. The Chairperson is there for SERVICE, as we all are. The Chairperson is not there to determine who is personally chosen to speak based on who meets their personal criteria for being allowed to speak. This is also a FINE example of Edging God Out....and we all know what FINE means! lol
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!

Dld53
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by Dld53 »

I was recently in recovery classes, not public meetings but ordered classes because of past behavior. I constantly got irritated and annoyed by people showing up late and interrupting class discussion. I felt it wasn't fair and rude to the rest of us in class working hard. Then I realized that people have other circumstances in their lives, maybe children or a job, or transportation...etc. That it was none of my business, and atleast they showed up at all!! That they were trying, I learned to be understanding. Instead I focused on myself, and changing my own life. It really helped take some anger and aggression away. And it helped me focus on my self!! So no matter when they show up, try to keep in mind life happens and atleast they're there!! Right? Thank you!! KMD

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Brock
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by Brock »

Welcome here Dld57.

I enjoyed what you wrote, it reminded me of my own shortcomings and lack of patience with some who attend meetings. AA has helped me to try not to judge others, since I don’t know what they are going through, I saw a plaque in a meeting once which said ‘don’t judge someone unless you have walked in their shoes,’ or something like that, and it is good to keep in mind, thank you for reminding us.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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tblue818
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by tblue818 »

OP didn't specify, but from my observations and asking, the reason some seasoned AAers showed up late was because they wanted to miss the first 15 min. of the "monotonous readings". One member, many years sober, consistently showed up half way through and spoke his 5-min. ramble, then promptly left. At first, I found him irritating, then amusing, then sad, then just a sober folk doing his thing.

"Whenever I'm disturbed, no matter what the cause, the problem is within me. Always." Retaliation against those who don't 'measure up' would be a signal I had work to do - a growth opportunity. Principles over personalities, perhaps.

All the best,

Pamela
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"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got."

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PaigeB
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Re: People chronically late for meetings and sharing

Post by PaigeB »

The only reason I ask is because I've had a few members inquire why I rarely ask those who arrive late to share.
I asked a friend the other day if New Beginnings was still her home group. She said no and she hadn't found another one yet. Yikes - ok... Why? Well, her work hours were keeping right up til the time of the meeting and although she got there before the announcements were finished she felt like she was intruding by coming in and getting coffee and such. WOW. really? At your home group? Of course her feelings are not facts and I encouraged her to keep going to that group. She pointed out - lol - that she had been critical of late comers in the past... I definitely laughed out loud. I guess we NEVER know what another person is going through until we stand in their shoes!

Often, someone who rushes late to a meeting needs that meeting more than anyone else right? If they were so serene, they could have just stayed home. :wink:
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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