Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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Karl R
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Karl R » Thu May 24, 2012 10:58 am

rigid
My wife has tried to break me of it. Unfortunately I think it's going to take a Power greater then her.

K

Lali
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Lali » Sat May 26, 2012 1:56 pm

If a sponsee relapses, they obviously have not gotten their powerlessness and unmanageability.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Tosh
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Tosh » Sun May 27, 2012 6:13 am

Lali wrote:If a sponsee relapses, they obviously have not gotten their powerlessness and unmanageability.
So, all one has to do is 'get' (understand?) powerless and unmanageability and they will not relapse? I'm not sure about that, Lali; I had one relapse (or at least at 3 months sober I did drink again for a weekend) and I kinda knew I was powerless and my life was still unmanageable, but I still drank - because I was powerless not to.

Now I don't drink because I've recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body, I've been shown how to get connected to that power the book talks about and it took more than just a mere mental position to achieve that.

But maybe we're discussing different things? I'd like to explore this - it's something I hear in my local meetings, one in particular, that I disagree with (get Step 1, don't drink, and go to meetings - and the guys who say this have never done the 12 Steps) - but I try to keep an open mind.

I also remember my first sponsor (21 years sober) commenting after another new guy had relapsed, "See why he did that? He never got Step 1" and at the time I was craving to drink and I was confused, because I thought I understood Step 1 - yet I was still really really wanting to drink (and in time I did). On reflection, I think I understood Step 1 just fine, it was my sponsor who didn't understand it.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Lali
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Lali » Wed May 30, 2012 4:35 pm

If one cannot "get" step 1, then yeah, they will probably drink. I've heard it said that step 1 is the only step that you have to get 100%. And the steps are done in order for a reason.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Tosh
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Tosh » Thu May 31, 2012 7:01 am

Lali wrote:If one cannot "get" step 1, then yeah, they will probably drink. I've heard it said that step 1 is the only step that you have to get 100%. And the steps are done in order for a reason.
I fully agree, Lali, 'getting' Step 1 is 'acceptance', and I know you definitely didn't infer anything else by that (that was my 'job' :roll: ), but acceptance just means understanding the reality of a situation, how we are with regards alcohol, and not not doing anything about it. Harbouring thoughts that we may be able to drink like 'normal drinkers' in the future 'n' stuff may lead to drinking. I now understand what you mean.

Apologies for the misunderstanding; I've got a chip on my shoulder about 'Getting Step 1, going to meetings and not picking up the first drink' (and nothing more) from a certain meeting in my area. :mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

happycamper
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by happycamper » Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:46 am

If I screw up a recipe for baking a cake, it does me absolutely no good to start over at the middle of the ingredients and directions for making that cake.
If I want to do it right and have the cake taste good, I must start at the beginning.

If I get drunk, I have to go back to step 1, because obviously I have forgotten that Im powerless over alcohol, and I have most certainly not been honest with myself about that.
Faith without works is dead

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Layne
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Layne » Fri Jun 08, 2012 7:19 am

If I were to have a reluctance "to go back to Step One" following a relapse, it would seem to be indicative of an issue with my ego. An ego issue of this nature would probably find it's origin in my pride. My pride is always attempting to block my acceptance of my powerlessness issue with alcohol.

It is kind of like, any time I start to think of reasons why I don't need to go to a meeting; that is the very time that I need to get to a meeting.

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Todd M
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Todd M » Fri Jun 08, 2012 10:26 am

I go Back to Step-1 every time I wake up... from day one, every day to today, and anytime durring a day

in the mirror looking squarely eye ball to eye ball, I say out loud "Todd our an Alcoholic, that will never change"
This always reminds me of those first weeks of recovry. I looked sick, and felt sick and lost.

I then ask in silent openmind prayer, for a power greater than me, to fill my heart with courage and strength.
now days in the mirror, I add to "Alcoholic", several other items I need stay honest about myself and others.
Fooling myself in my pre-AA years was a big problem for me. people places and things.

Step-1,2,3... to start and 4,5,etc... Every Day, get a honest attitude on. :?: :!: then Action
There is Hope, Todd M
Keep it Simple

The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link:
http://www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php

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Tosh
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Tosh » Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:36 am

Is this stuff in the Big Book? In mine it says we stay sober by staying spiritually fit; we just have a daily reprieve based on our spiritual fitness. Right now, I'm having a tough time financially - I know I'm powerless over alcohol - but because I'm not as spiritually fit as I should be, I have had thoughts of drinking (Mrs Tosh is away for the weekend too). But isn't that just the thing; no matter what's happening in our lives, financial insecurity, illness, wives leaving us - the stuff that happens in life - I know where I can go to get immediate relief from it and stuff the consequences. But I still know that I am powerless over alcohol; alcohol is just a symptom, it's my spiritual fitness that I need to look at.

In fact if you read the early parts of the Big Book, it repeatedly says that we cannot stay sober on self knowledge; and knowing that we are powerless over alcohol is just that - self knowledge.

And I'm not saying it's wrong to go back to Step 1 after a relapse, but I am saying it's wrong to say we relapsed because we 'forgot' Step 1. The problem is always with our spiritual state.

Anyway, I'm not going to drink, I've spoken with my sponsor, I've asked for the defect to be removed, and I will turn my mind to someone I can help (I'm taking a sponsee to a meeting tonight; one I wouldn't normally go to); all as per the instructions on page 84. Oh, and my sponsor hinted there's a lot I should be grateful for that I'm not remembering right now! :?

I'll probably eat a massive kebab too (with extra chilli sauce), because I have this urge to be 'naughty', and that seems to be the least harmful way of expressing that!!

Apologies if the tone of my post appears tetchy. I'm tetchy right now; my fault; not yours. :mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Sally
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Sally » Sat Jun 09, 2012 6:40 pm

i played a whole lot of games the first 2+ years i was in AA - and my sponsor-
patient as she was- kept sending me back to what we call Step 0- why are you here????- If the only reason i am NOT going to drink this weekend is because
my husband is home for the weekend- then i don't really want to stop- Am i going to AA just to get someone - husband- off my back???
sometimes the answer to that was Yes - other times i lied about it- i learned very quickly all things i was *suppose* to say- but i didn't feel
half of them- my sponsor of course had been there done that so i wasn't fooling her a bit- after i had been here a couple of years - drinking once in a while- listening- i began to see what real sobriety was all about- and what honesty
was really all about- today honesty begins in the mirror with me. i like sobriety- and i won't have to ask myself tomorrow AM when i got to my HG -
why am i here??? i know why- i want to keep what i have- and i can't do that alone.
It works!!!
Sally

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Marc L
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Marc L » Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:14 pm

Tosh wrote:Oooooh you lot are just like my sponsor; sooooooooooo rigid!!!

:mrgreen:
Daft Geordies need rigid sponsors... Otherwise stuff doesn't get done. :D

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.

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Tosh
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Tosh » Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:38 am

MarcLacroix wrote:
Tosh wrote:Oooooh you lot are just like my sponsor; sooooooooooo rigid!!!

:mrgreen:
Daft Geordies need rigid sponsors... Otherwise stuff doesn't get done. :D

Marc
You sound almost British there, Marc. 'Daft' and 'Geordie' go together like strawberries 'n' cream.

You're correct though. :mrgreen:

Hope you're having a good day, whatever time it is over there now.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Marc L
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Marc L » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:15 pm

Tosh wrote:
MarcLacroix wrote:
Tosh wrote:Oooooh you lot are just like my sponsor; sooooooooooo rigid!!!

:mrgreen:
Daft Geordies need rigid sponsors... Otherwise stuff doesn't get done. :D

Marc
You sound almost British there, Marc. 'Daft' and 'Geordie' go together like strawberries 'n' cream.

You're correct though. :mrgreen:

Hope you're having a good day, whatever time it is over there now.
Actually, I'm Canadian and I know how to spell counselor. :lol:

Marc
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.

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Tosh
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Tosh » Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:11 am

MarcLacroix wrote: Actually, I'm Canadian

Marc
Sorry about that, Marc! :mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Marc L
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Re: Where does it say to go back to Step One?

Post by Marc L » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:17 pm

Tosh wrote:
MarcLacroix wrote: Actually, I'm Canadian

Marc
Sorry about that, Marc! :mrgreen:
Thank you for your kindness Tosh...
Do you think Ced and Ken_the_Geordie are also British? They can't spell counselor either. :D
For some reason I think that correct spelling is important in effective communications.
Could this be some form of obsessive compulsive disorder?

Marc
Last edited by Marc L on Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
Recovery won't just happen by Osmosis. You gonna' have to work at it some.
12th Step work ain't just a job... It's an Adventure.

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