Sponsor doesnt contact me

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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Mrsskippy
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Sponsor doesnt contact me

Post by Mrsskippy »

My sponsor said it was my responsibility to contact them. This has worked well until recently. I've been deathly ill in the hospital, and my sponsor has not contacted me to see how im doing or if i need anything. This is not the first time...we had a loss in the family and sponsor didnt call to offer support, sponsor called the first day to tell me uvgad to call them daily. I feel very resentful about this, and id like to know if i have a legitimate gripe, or if i should just accept this and soldier on.

MyNameIsBetsy
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Re: Sponsor doesnt contact me

Post by MyNameIsBetsy »

Hi MrsSkippy, welcome.

There are no hard fast rules on how the sponsor and sponsee should relate. The role of a sponsor is to be a guide, to pass along what she has learned in AA. The role of the sponsee is to be willing to learn and take suggestions.

A sponsor/sponsee relationship is just like all other relationships. It improves with good communication. This might be the time to discuss, with each other, what your mutual expectations are of your relationship. Clear the air. Tell her what you told us. Then be willing to listen to what she tells you. Be realistic.

I've seen sponsors and sponsees develop into life long friends, but this takes time. It doesn't happen all the time, but it sure is sweet when it does.

Betsy, an alcoholic
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

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Layne
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Re: Sponsor doesnt contact me

Post by Layne »

Do you like the way the resentment makes you feel? How does whether the gripe is legitimate or no change the situation?

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PaigeB
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Re: Sponsor doesnt contact me

Post by PaigeB »

One NEVER knows what is going on the head of another person. Perhaps your sponsor was in total fear of you dying and was frozen by the thought? Maybe she thought you were the kind of person who suffered medical issues as personal issues and that you would call if you need anything. My mom was a nurse and I tend to take medical issues a bit... callously (?) and leave hospitals to do the healing. People are supposed to rest there, not entertain...

It is also not the realm of AA. I don't chase my sponsees around. We are not married LOL. They have a call time each week and are welcome to call anytime they want to talk. Please know - I AM selfish as they get and I might call and check on someone if my ego told me that I needed to meet that societal norm. We all have our own problems and our own failings.

One time I did have a resentment against my sponsor and I thought to handle it by writing it out in 4th Step Format. When I called to set a time to talk to her about it she said it would hurt her for me to share my resentment against her WITH HER. She asked me to pick another trusted friend to guide me through that particular resentment! :wink: :idea: :shock:
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

Mrsskippy
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Re: Sponsor doesnt contact me

Post by Mrsskippy »

Thank you! 😁 good food for thought.

tomsteve
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Re: Sponsor doesnt contact me

Post by tomsteve »

hope youre feeling better.
i went through a pretty serious cancer battle. went through chemo that i was admitted to the hospital for. i was 150 miles away from home. sponsor never called but i called him.

i had numbers to call and i did. i liked to share my misery with my AA friends!!LOLOLOLOL

it would be wise to put pen to paper to learn what the root cause of this resentment is.

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