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My First Sponsee Rodeo

Posted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 4:44 pm
by KatKat
I have a sponsee working a pretty good program. She goes to meetings, working the steps... all the things. She’s a little over 2 years clean and I have been her sponsor for a year. But she continues to break up and get back together with an ex that she used with, who is in and out of the program. I will not give advise on relationships, but I have to be honest about the risk. Her behavior is also sometimes a trigger for me. Please share your experience, strength and hope.

Re: My First Sponsee Rodeo

Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 5:26 am
by avaneesh912
Her behavior is also sometimes a trigger for me.
Not sure what you mean by this. We reach a stage so we have overcome our alcoholism and have been placed in a position of neutrality. We then sponsor other people. If their behavior is bothering your recovery, I will suggest you re-visit the steps with a sponsor.

Re: My First Sponsee Rodeo

Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:23 am
by Brock
Welcome to e-AA KatKat.

Thanks for your post, it’s an interesting subject but seems a little hard to answer, we have members reading it but maybe not sure how to respond.

I agree you have to be honest, and also suggest what she should do and not do, but we do usually get upset when our sponsees don’t do as we suggest, although in my experience we don’t like to admit that. Maybe it’s a measure of growth for us, the day we don’t get upset when someone doesn't follow our suggestion, then maybe we will qualify as a saint or some such thing. I am wondering if this very normal reaction, of being a bit upset that she doesn't follow your good advise, is in fact the cause of the trigger you are experiencing.

I am not sure that others might agree, maybe most feel we should stick with our sponsee no matter what happens. But I feel that if my good advise is being ignored then I am wasting my time, and especially if that is making me understandably anxious or acting as a ‘trigger,’ then it’s best I say in a nice way that I can’t help you any more.

Re: My First Sponsee Rodeo

Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 12:19 pm
by PaigeB
I like this: "The sponsor should not work harder than the sponsee." Heard at a meeting of course.

What it says to me? That just like I had to - my sponsees have to decide for themselves what they will do - all the way to and from each area of their lives ~ up to and including taking the first drink. It pains me yes. And though I am not fond of the word "trigger" I would say my children's using habits are a trigger - but not my sponsees. I have SOOO much invested in my children and their children that I cannot help but need a little Alanon "tough love" and "detachment" help. But my sponsee came to me to be a Guide. They need to be able to pick their own way or they will RUN away their own way. I know I would have!

Might be time to Step back and detach & practice our own 1st Step unmanage-ability! Funny things, the way we learn things about ourselves from sponsoring!

Re: My First Sponsee Rodeo

Posted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 6:01 pm
by innermost
Hello Katkat and wlecome.

My experience: These are things best left up to the Higher Power in prayer and meditation
and praying for His/Her Will for us and the Power to carry that out.

Strength: refer to My experience.

Hope: Hope that HP will do and lead us to do what is best for us all when we are surrender and willing.
Also my hope is to better understand and use the Serenity Prayer.

Re: My First Sponsee Rodeo

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 8:26 am
by KatKat
Thank you for all of the help. I am probably too attached to her, and need to pray. My sponsor has advised me to do this as well. The trigger was just feeling lonely for my ex. It’s my ego, and this too shall pass!