General uneasiness about sponsee

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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General uneasiness about sponsee

Post by Jmb426 »

A few months ago I was asked by a woman to be her sponsor. She's my first sponsee, and I was surprised she asked me because she has more sober time than me (10 yrs versus 4). That isn't necessarily an obstacle to effective sponsorship, I realize, but I think it's worth noting. I was hesitant at first to agree, not because she had more sober time than me but because to be honest I found her personality problematic. Basically I'm trying to nicely say that I just didn't really like her. But everyone has always told me that when someone asks you to be of service if you can safely do it you should say yes, so I did.

Since then it's been a learning experience for me, but I've come to be more patient with her. She's still not someone whose company I would seek out otherwise, but I know that doesn't matter.

The problem is, I have some resentments towards her that I'm having trouble letting go of. I can explain more if needed, but I don't want to trash someone I am working with. Suffice it to say I just don't like how she treats other people. This is MY problem, I realize, and not hers. The trouble is I don't know how to get past it to be an effective sponsor. I dread it when she calls, I don't look forward to our meetings, and I am glad when she has a conflict and isn't at our home group. But that's HORRIBLE of me! I'm her sponsor, after all - I know that she's a fellow traveler is sick and suffering etc but I haven't been able to get past my disdain for her.

If anyone has any experience sponsoring someone they aren't exactly fond of, I'd love to hear how you put your feelings aside to effectively be of service. My own sponsor is sympathetic to my issues and had me do a 4th step about her, and just keeps telling me to be patient and try to be understanding, which is fine advice and I'll keep working on it, but I figured it couldn't hurt to get more advice.

Thanks for your input!

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Re: General uneasiness about sponsee

Post by PaigeB »

My sponsor asked me, "Do you think you can help her?"

I thought about it and the answer was "yes." So she told me to keep sponsoring her.

Resentments? Pray for the person. Read the story Freedom from Bondage". Say the sick man prayer from page 67. It is your issue and not hers... she is your Angel.

Later I asked my sponsor again and this time I had to answer NO. She told me to advise the woman to get another sponsor. I couldn't help her, not because of my own inner issues. I couldn't sponsor her because she had issues outside of AA that needed attention.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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