Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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bktchens17
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Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by bktchens17 » Fri Mar 07, 2014 5:58 pm

Hello,

I just started going to AA meeting less than 2 weeks ago. I've almost had alcohol poisoning 6 or 7 times in the last year. I've discussed and listened enough in the AA meetings to know that i'm an alcoholic. I got a Big Book and some additional resource books at a local bookstore, and I still go to AA meetings once a week for young people.

I am 21, a married lesbian, and I am an atheist. I'm not closed to general spirituality or judgmental towards Christians, and I hope to find the same in a sponsor. I've often viewed my "higher power" as reality, but I don't believe in a God-figure or a figure who has control of my life. This is making the search for a sponsor very difficult. I would be open to a Buddhist sponsor also.

If you would be willing to sponsor me, to chat with me online or through emails on a weekly basis, and to write me letters while i'm at military training, I would appreciate it very much. I will be traveling a lot in the next 8 months, and I will not always have access to a computer, so handwritten letters are important. I'm afraid of relapsing. I don't want to upset my wife anymore.

Please let me know if you can sponsor me or have a friend in mind who could.

Thank you,

Britt

TonyWARMS
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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by TonyWARMS » Fri Mar 07, 2014 6:35 pm

http://www.e-aa.org/form_sponsors.php

Try here.
Welcome.

Peace, Tony
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(I don't know where I heard this)

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ann2
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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by ann2 » Sat Mar 08, 2014 12:28 am

Hi Britt,

Welcome! Thanks for posting. Congratulations on seeking help for your drinking.

Recovery in AA doesn't hinge on sexual preference or choice of higher power. Most AA members would be willing to sponsor you no matter what you bring to the table. Since you've been coming around just a short time you may not realize that. We are here together because of our common problem -- alchoholism -- and other considerations really don't matter.

Just look for someone in the meetings whose sobriety you admire. Ask them if they've taken the steps and had a spiritual awakening as a result. If they smile, that's a good sign :)

Keep going to the meetings and start reading the Big Book. Participate here in our steps forum and Big Book forum. These are all ways to learn how to apply the AA way of living toward treating the compulsion to drink.

You'll find others along the path and not a few will be willing to help.

Hope you keep posting here and letting us know how it's going!

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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larrylive
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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by larrylive » Sat Mar 08, 2014 5:12 am

I'm not sure how the first part of your request plays into the program, as orientation has nothing to do with it. I do however take issue with the second part, not because of your request to seek, and I assume, to remain athiest. But rather because there are some who would foster such an ideal. That is not the program of AA. I do realize that meetings have become inundated with such misgivings, perhaps we are too welcoming, ie; open-minded. The program and it's success is based on the belief in God (not some random "higher power") The 12 steps specifically say God, the first 164 pages say God over 200 times. God is the program. I think the unwilling-to-believe should start a new fellowship as it seems that some are able to get sober on their own power. I could not and I am grateful for the program helping me to realize a better way of life. So now it is out of concern for those who may be as sick as I was, who would benefit from a relationship with God, built by way of the 12 steps, that I continue to do service work.

I wish you much success in your recovery and pray you find happiness in all your endevours

regards,
Larry
All the gods send their drunks to AA

chefchip
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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by chefchip » Sat Mar 08, 2014 7:07 am

Britt,

Welcome. It is good to see you here seeking help, admitting that you need help. I hope you have had time to follow the link Tony provided and to read what people have shared. I want to share, also, from the viewpoint of someone who can identify with a lot of your initial post.

First, about me -- all of this is important when reading my NEXT paragraph. I am a professional, college educated, middle-aged gay man (who used to be married to a woman, has kids and grandkids), a religious skeptic yet somehow a follower of eastern philosophical thought. For many years in AA I kept looking for people who were like me to help me. Long story short -- that didn't work so well, for reasons that don't belong in this public post.

My sponsor, the man who got me entirely through the steps and onto my current path, was a young, undereducated yet smart, under-employed urban "graduate" of the inner-city street life, who was nearly rabid about his faith in a traditional god. Oh, and he was straight, with three baby-mommas, and working on and living with his fourth baby-momma.

See the distinction? He was as different from me as anyone could be. Yet, the first time I heard him speak in a meeting I "knew" that it was imperative that I approach him after the meeting. The rest, as they say, is history. Almost a year later I am recovered from the obsession to drink and trying to help others now.

I can't give advice. But I can say that I'm glad I was open to the experience, strength and hope that someone (and others) so not like me were able to give me.

Chip

PS -- On the whole "athiest and AA" subject... I want to provide a link to something Bill W wrote in his later years, regarding God and AA. Really it is more about the fact that AA does not endorse any particular spiritual path or belief and he regretted that he gave anyone that impression.

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=10482&p=69892&hili ... ith#p69892
The only constant in life is change.

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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by Lali » Sat Mar 08, 2014 10:26 am

bktchens17 wrote:Hello,

I just started going to AA meeting less than 2 weeks ago. I've almost had alcohol poisoning 6 or 7 times in the last year. I've discussed and listened enough in the AA meetings to know that i'm an alcoholic. I got a Big Book and some additional resource books at a local bookstore, and I still go to AA meetings once a week for young people.

I am 21, a married lesbian, and I am an atheist. I'm not closed to general spirituality or judgmental towards Christians, and I hope to find the same in a sponsor. I've often viewed my "higher power" as reality, but I don't believe in a God-figure or a figure who has control of my life. This is making the search for a sponsor very difficult. I would be open to a Buddhist sponsor also.

If you would be willing to sponsor me, to chat with me online or through emails on a weekly basis, and to write me letters while i'm at military training, I would appreciate it very much. I will be traveling a lot in the next 8 months, and I will not always have access to a computer, so handwritten letters are important. I'm afraid of relapsing. I don't want to upset my wife anymore.

Please let me know if you can sponsor me or have a friend in mind who could.

Thank you,

Britt
Getting letters is a good idea. But a better idea (Before going on the road) lis to look up all of the meetings in that area ahead of time and actually attend the meetings. Of course, in your case, if you are going to be in training in a situation where you are not able to leave the base, you wouldn't be able to do this. Don't forget to pack your BB. Good luck in training!

P.S. I am not sponsoring at this time but I hope you find someone to sponsor you.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

bktchens17
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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by bktchens17 » Mon Mar 10, 2014 6:43 am

Thank you all for your replies, and for the helpful link.

I almost had a sponsor here in Wisconsin, but she found out I was an atheist--and the smiles ended. The warmth, the friendly conversation, and all of that immediately ended. I understand wanting to distance yourself from an atheist if having strong faith is imperative to your recovery--I really get that, so I wasn't too upset about it. That almost-sponsor found out the next meeting when I mentioned my wife was one of the reasons I was seeking AA, and there were literal gasps in my group. I'm in the most liberal part of Wisconsin, and I really didn't think that being a lesbian would matter. I did go from having 20 offers for sponsorship to none immediately, and that's a lot more upsetting than people refusing because of religious differences.

I'm not allowed to bring a BB to training, and i'll be cut off from contact for a bit over 2 months. I'll also be without access to alcohol, so maybe that will help or maybe the cravings will get worse. I'll hope for the best and keep my head in meetings.

Thank you all for your kind words and input,

Britt

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ann2
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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by ann2 » Mon Mar 10, 2014 8:11 am

Hmm! Enter Marge Simpson annoyance noise here. We are not amused. Vad fan??? as they say here in Sweden. Crap.

Hello, Wisconsin AA? Embarrassed?

Britt, the Loners Internationalsist meeting is a great resource when one is cut off from meetings. Check it out here http://aa.org/en_pdfs/smf-123_en.pdf

And sweetie, i am really sorry.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by Tom S » Mon Mar 10, 2014 11:40 am

Whew!
Ain't we humans amazin'!
II can say the words and then I find it so hard to do the deal...
So..my take. Look for the similarities, not the differences. The answers are here, in the present moment.
In a perfect world there would be meetings for you to attend, on base, filled with firm adherents to the Toronto Declaration, ensuring that the hand of AA is there to help. Of course in a perfect world, we would not be alcoholics.
The program has nothing to do with gender identity, religious affiliation, or whether we are right or left handed, or even have hands!
It has everything to do with practicing love and tolerance in all our affairs and carrying a loving heart, humbly willing to be of service so others may be helped. I will PM you a suggestion.
Thanks for reminding us that it is up to us, now.

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Re: Seeking LGBT & athiest friendly sponsor

Post by Squawking Hawk » Mon Mar 10, 2014 2:58 pm

bktchens17 wrote:Thank you all for your replies, and for the helpful link.

I almost had a sponsor here in Wisconsin, but she found out I was an atheist--and the smiles ended. The warmth, the friendly conversation, and all of that immediately ended. I understand wanting to distance yourself from an atheist if having strong faith is imperative to your recovery--I really get that, so I wasn't too upset about it. That almost-sponsor found out the next meeting when I mentioned my wife was one of the reasons I was seeking AA, and there were literal gasps in my group. I'm in the most liberal part of Wisconsin, and I really didn't think that being a lesbian would matter. I did go from having 20 offers for sponsorship to none immediately, and that's a lot more upsetting than people refusing because of religious differences.

I'm not allowed to bring a BB to training, and i'll be cut off from contact for a bit over 2 months. I'll also be without access to alcohol, so maybe that will help or maybe the cravings will get worse. I'll hope for the best and keep my head in meetings
Boo to the folk in the meeting you wrote about. :evil: :evil: I'm a lesbian, been sober for more than a few 24s. Unfortunately there are still folk like the ones you write about in AA. And I am grateful that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Those ladies don't represent AA. Ann2 has given you a good suggestion in contacting the loners group at AAWS, that is what they do, they put AAers in touch with folk like you who are or will be isolated from meetings.

Hawk
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