Problems with a sponsee

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
Lali
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by Lali » Mon Mar 17, 2014 7:17 pm

chefchip wrote:@Lali, I may be wrong, but I don't think Larry was saying professional help WOULD be needed. Though I can't speak for him, he seemed to me to be saying that if people have continual problems with steps 4-10, there could be deeper issues at work. Like, maybe, an inability to be thoroughly honest. While not a huge fan of the professional self-helpers, I have seen their uses, even for myself. My childhood left me with a few problems that required their assistance and, without it, I never would have been in a position to work any of the steps. And, I know people who realized in their middle steps (4-9) there were some deep-seated issues they needed help with and got that help. We don't know everything, as the BB authors state. Sometimes people need more help than even we recovered alcoholics (who have been there) can give them.
I have no problem with psychiatry/psychology. I have been a patient of both a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist and they were very helpful. But it's always a plus if they have some background in substance abuse.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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larrylive
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by larrylive » Tue Mar 18, 2014 5:33 am

Thank you chef
All the gods send their drunks to AA

Service
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by Service » Thu Mar 20, 2014 11:19 am

When the outside sponsorship system diverts and alcoholic from A.A best thing to do is try A.A next time !!

psthomas01
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by psthomas01 » Mon Jan 05, 2015 8:22 am

sounds like maybe your sponsee is not doing what you want.
wow, I have never had a sponsee that called 3 or 4 times per week (after say the first couple weeks). out of tens and tens. MOST ALL GO BACK OUT. which
more than one or two had stayed and wish they would call once or twice per week.

like I say, wishful thinking.

Lali
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by Lali » Mon Jan 05, 2015 6:22 pm

psthomas01 wrote:sounds like maybe your sponsee is not doing what you want.
wow, I have never had a sponsee that called 3 or 4 times per week (after say the first couple weeks). out of tens and tens. MOST ALL GO BACK OUT. which
more than one or two had stayed and wish they would call once or twice per week.

like I say, wishful thinking.
Can you clarify your post please? Sounds like you are saying that you had tens and tens of sponsees and that most of them went back out?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

tomsteve
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by tomsteve » Tue Jan 06, 2015 7:11 am

My sponsee is not meeting a very basic need I have for a mutually beneficial sponsor/sponsee relationship.
That to mee seems a problem.
Is the sponsee to fill a sponsors NEEDS?
Are sponsors to have NEEDS met?

Layne
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by Layne » Tue Jan 06, 2015 9:45 am

It took me years to grasp the concept that there is a huge fundamental difference between "needs" and "wants". I still struggle with it, but at least I recognize it so i can work on it. Progress not perfection.

Lali
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by Lali » Tue Jan 06, 2015 11:23 am

tomsteve wrote:Is the sponsee to fill a sponsors NEEDS?
Are sponsors to have NEEDS met?
No & no.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

tomsteve
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by tomsteve » Wed Jan 07, 2015 6:59 am

Lali wrote:
tomsteve wrote:Is the sponsee to fill a sponsors NEEDS?
Are sponsors to have NEEDS met?
No & no.
Thanks. Was beginning to think that after these years I might not have been doing it right. :shock:

sober8688
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by sober8688 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:40 am

I met my sponsor,in person,every week,once a week from the start of the steps untill the end,and then some.

he wasn`t interested in getting a lot of phone calls from me during the week.He was interested if I was following the directions from the big book.
That`s what we covered when we got together every week.Then he showed me more directions for the week ahead and I followed them.
real simple and not controlling.
now,when I get a sponsee,that`s how I do it.
I don`t want them calling me every day,and I am not going to call them every day.
I feel like thats not productive in helping a new guy learn to live life sober.

chefchip
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by chefchip » Thu Jan 15, 2015 8:28 am

tomsteve wrote:
Lali wrote:
tomsteve wrote:Is the sponsee to fill a sponsors NEEDS?
Are sponsors to have NEEDS met?
No & no.
Thanks. Was beginning to think that after these years I might not have been doing it right. :shock:
That made me laugh. Thanks for that little dialogue! :lol:
The only constant in life is change.

Lali
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by Lali » Thu Jan 15, 2015 10:59 am

tomsteve wrote:Is the sponsee to fill a sponsors NEEDS?
Are sponsors to have NEEDS met?
Lali wrote:No & no.
tomsteve wrote:Tanks. Was beginning to think that after these years I might not have been doing it right. :shock:
chefchip wrote:That made me laugh. Thanks for that little dialogue! :lol:
Sometimes less is more. LOL
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

tomsteve
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Re: Problems with a sponsee

Post by tomsteve » Tue Jan 20, 2015 3:41 am

Lali wrote:
tomsteve wrote:Is the sponsee to fill a sponsors NEEDS?
Are sponsors to have NEEDS met?
Lali wrote:No & no.
tomsteve wrote:Tanks. Was beginning to think that after these years I might not have been doing it right. :shock:
chefchip wrote:That made me laugh. Thanks for that little dialogue! :lol:
Sometimes less is more. LOL

I need my laundry done. Should I get my sponsee to fill me need? Call it service work???? :idea:
Yeah, I can be an ass......still....but only sometimes!!!!!!

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