Sponsoring; Males with females

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
Lali
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Re: Sponsoring; Males with females

Post by Lali » Fri Jan 24, 2014 11:31 am

Tosh wrote:Just googled:

Tits-up

Meaning

Inoperative; broken. The term is also used to mean fallen over (on one's back)
Well, in that case, I spent more than my share of time "tits-up" during my drinking career.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

Tom S
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Re: Sponsoring; Males with females

Post by Tom S » Fri Jan 24, 2014 12:07 pm

Just my thoughts from what I have observed- most of the time, it's better for men to work with men and women to work with women. In my humble opinion, it matters that a newcomer not only feels safe but actually is safe. And I would venture that many who would sponsor may not always be in full awareness of all of their motivations, and certainly most sponsees are confused and therefore potentially vulnerable. Further, I believe there actually develops an emotional connection between sponsor and sponsees, at least most of the time.
So therefore when I see a female newcomer at a meeting, alone, I will introduce her to some of our active female members who do sponsor. And depending on the antics of some of my fellow travellers, I may quietly remind the active female member to mention the thirteenth step to the newcomer. That all takes about 30 seconds to a minute. I am then done; I leave her to her sisters- I think we should keep it simple; there are plenty of guys for me to sponsor.
Just my thoughts,
Tom

danderisup
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Re: Sponsoring; Males with females

Post by danderisup » Fri Jan 31, 2014 11:01 am

I support the same gender sponsor issue. It does reduce the opportunity for a common pitfall of people getting involved with someone in the program early on and with disasterous results.

But...here is my story. I had a female long distance sponsor when I started out. I actually entered recovery from home, online immediately following major surgery. I couldn't drive for 6 weeks and she was sponsoring me from home before I went to my first meeting.

A few months down the line she quit me after a slip. I was afraid to go without a sponsor and she suggested I ask a man who had become a friend in the program to sponsor me. I knew this was not a good idea because I knew that I had an attraction to him. I knew many women in the rooms but...also knew too much about them. Agh...the gossip! I didn't feel safe or comfortable at ALL asking any of them, and the few who were recommended to me already had as many sponsees as they felt willing to take on.

So...I floundered around for a month...and went to a conference and met a man who became my long distance sponsor. We lived 2000 miles apart, which helped. Also I found that having a sponsor that was not in the same area eliminated the gossip issue. All that drama...just wasn't there. I didnt' know his people, he didn't know mine.

But were I to have a face to face sponsor, knowing my own personality, tendency to flirt and attention seek. I KNOW it would have to be a woman.

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