Sponsee Question

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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BigB
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Sponsee Question

Post by BigB » Sun Dec 22, 2013 3:32 pm

Hello all,
I have been sponsoring someone for about 2 years now. I knew him before he asked me to be his sponsor, then he saw me at a meeting and asked. We have been friends now as well, doing things together once in a while and meeting up.
This year though, he has been much more distant. He hasn't ask me but 1 "sponsor" question this year and has not called me once. We do though get together every now and then to do something or to talk a little.
I have also noticed this year that he has not responded to me a couple of times when emailing him a general question. This was never like him; he always used to get back to me. It is the courteous thing to do.
2 months ago, I emailed him and asked him about getting together for dinner and a meeting. I heard nothing back from him.
Then I saw him at a meeting about a month ago and was having an issue with him not responding to my emails. I told him at that meeting that I wanted him to respond to my emails. He agreed. He emailed me about a month ago about getting together, and I emailed him back about setting up a date. He never responded. Then about a week ago, he sent me an email asking about getting together. I was ticked at this point.
I don't know what to do. Any thoughts?
Thanks.

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Todd M
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Re: Sponsee Question

Post by Todd M » Sun Dec 22, 2013 4:23 pm

If it were me... after some prayers

I would Stop playing tag with emails.
Next time he asks about getting together, drop everything possible,
go to his house and talk, face 2 face.

Try and make it about him, not you.
Try and make it about the WE of the program.
Its about: your friend, yourself, and a Greater Power.
There is Hope, Todd M
Keep it Simple

The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link:
http://www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php

BigB
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Re: Sponsee Question

Post by BigB » Sun Dec 22, 2013 4:34 pm

Thanks for your response Todd.
Whenever he has asked to get together, I do on a schedule that works for him. We have merged more into a friendship role than anything else.
The thing with me though is I cannot help but get very frustrated by a lack of communication on his part. To not respond to my emails is flat out insulting. It's the least he could do and I told him that. If he valued the friendship/relationship, wouldn't he take 2 min. to respond? He has a history of being a bit passive aggressive - laughing at people, mocking people.....it feels like his being a little passive aggressive with me.

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Tosh
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Re: Sponsee Question

Post by Tosh » Mon Dec 23, 2013 8:01 am

I'm on facebook with some sponsees, I also use this forum with another, but really, the best method of communication is eyeball-to-eyeball and the 2nd best is telephone; I'd try to avoid e-mails, it's too easy to ignore or bullshit.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Brock
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Re: Sponsee Question

Post by Brock » Mon Dec 23, 2013 11:02 am

A few weeks ago a topic with a bearing on this one was discussed, we were talking about the fact that some people tend to “hold on” to a sponsor for years, while others are more the “thanks for taking me through the steps, see you around,” kind of person. The fact that you are concerned that your sponsee hasn’t asked “but one sponsor question this year,” indicates that you may expect him to need your help for some time. You have been sponsoring him for two years, maybe he doesn’t need your help anymore, this does not excuse the rudeness of not replying to emails, or at least “manning up” and telling you he does not need any help, and maybe no longer wanting to just hang out with you.

People learn and grow in AA, that is what is expected, perhaps he has outgrown any sponsor type advice he feels you can give, and another newcomer surely would benefit more from what you have to offer. But after you have shown him through the steps say bye bye, and if you need any further assistance feel free to call, and if he doesn’t call pat yourself on the back for a job well done, and look for another newcomer. All the best to you.

Brock.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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