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Re: When a sponsor says Love you.

Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2013 5:20 am
by ann2
Bet wrote:. . . I find reaching out to people to find out what other's opinions are, has been invaluable.
That's why I love this group :D

Ann

Re: When a sponsor says Love you.

Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2013 7:23 am
by emmdubya
Just a little out of my own experience for what it's worth,

Thank God that AA promises us we will know what true love for our fellows means. I have learned to tell a man that I love him through AA, and this is from a straight man who used to present a stage character of being tough and closed off. Thank God that AA has taught me what it means to love someone.

I am also someone who used the words "I Love You" as a weapon. It was easy to get what I wanted from the opposite sex by using these three little words. It was no wonder I had real twisted ideas of what love is when I got here.

I am very grateful to have a sponsor who pushed me to follow the directions on page 87 where it tells us to be quick to see where religion is right and make use of what they offer. He pushes me hard to explore books and spiritual exercises outside the scope of AA, and the great religious teachers of the world, along with the teachers in AA that God has blessed me with have taught me a lot about love. Many people say that God is Love, and I have spent time in meditation on this concept and have come to truly believe it in my heart.

I tell a number of men in my life that I love them, and I mean it today. I have learned that love is far from what I thought it was when I came stumbling into the rooms.

Just my two cents, I hope it makes sense to someone!

Re: When a sponsor says Love you.

Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2013 1:45 am
by Tosh
emmdubya wrote: I tell a number of men in my life that I love them, and I mean it today. I have learned that love is far from what I thought it was when I came stumbling into the rooms.
I can relate. Nice post.

Re: When a sponsor says Love you.

Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2013 5:24 am
by Squawking Hawk
emmdubya wrote:I have learned that love is far from what I thought it was when I came stumbling into the rooms.
After having read all of your shares on this thread, I have a bit more to share. I am reserved, and come from a family of folk whose older members (grand parents) did not freely say 'I love you." Outside of my immediate family, the words "I love you" were not in my vocabulary during my drinking years.

And as emmdubya so wonderfully expressed, I too learned that love is far from what I thought it was when I came into these rooms. However, when I first read the posts on this thread, I suppose that my reserved nature kicked in and I thought that I had to pull back back or stop using the the "love" word. However, as I read on, I saw that love in these rooms really does take on a different meaning and I am grateful today for the reminder that I don't need to retreat back into my that part of my reserved nature which can not utter the "love" word. I can and do say the "love" word and will continue doing so.

Hawk

Re: When a sponsor says Love you.

Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:01 am
by Lali
I can relate to what you wrote, Hawk. I was raised in a family where hugs and I love you's were few and far between. As a result, I found myself almost (involuntarily) stepping back when people in AA would reach out to hug me. Now I am prepared for those hugs and happy to receive them. I have also started to be the one to reach out first to give a hug. :)

Re: When a sponsor says Love you.

Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2013 11:00 am
by Brock
In my first post on this topic I said exactly the same thing, with respect to growing up in a household where hugs and I love you were unknown. But as I said we were well treated; in fact spoilt to some extent; so we just kind of knew our parents loved us. And while others say here that they started at AA a little “standoffish” as far as hugs were concerned, but then openly accepted this after a while, for some of us older folk old habits die hard, and new ones are hard to learn.

There is a lady at a meeting I attend, as each person walks in she shouts “hugies hugies,” and grabs on to you, sorry this is not for me, so I stay in my car until I know the meeting has started, to escape her. Now people reading this may think that I am some sort of conceited stuck up unfriendly prick, but then they don’t know me. And those that do, understand that I am not much into hugging, but otherwise a friendly humble person. And the only reason I wrote this, is that if such a person as I should come into your meeting, perhaps you will give him or her a little leeway, and don’t assume that someone who doesn’t hug you physically, is not hugging you mentally, if that makes sense.

God bless all who contribute.
Brock.

Re: When a sponsor says Love you.

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2013 8:05 pm
by Lali
Brock wrote:There is a lady at a meeting I attend, as each person walks in she shouts “hugies hugies,” and grabs on to you, sorry this is not for me, so I stay in my car until I know the meeting has started, to escape her. Brock.
Wouldn't you like to attend the meeting before the meeting? If it were me, next time she hugs you, I would say softly in her ear, "Please do not take this personally, but I'm really not the huggy type". It shouldn't hurt her feelings said that way and your problem will be solved!!

P.S. I slightly edited my post to remove something that I do not think was necessary.