When to find a new sponsor?

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?
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shamrock
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When to find a new sponsor?

Post by shamrock » Sat Jul 27, 2013 3:33 pm

I guess I am wondering if I should find a new sponsor?
I have a good relationship with my sponsor, although I do not call her since things have been going very well for me. She has never asked me to call her and does not call me.
I did my step 5 with her and that was great. Since they she has not mentioned meeting about the next steps. I have offered her a couple times since the, I was available to meet to continue my step work, but the first time option she was busy and the next time she said she would let me know and did not. She did not offer any alternative times, which would have been nice.

I have been working hard at step 6 and 7 and have been able to talk a lot of it out with my psychologist and other supporters. My sponsor knows this since I have shared it at a meeting we both go to.

I like to have a schedule and appointments, but she seems to be unable to make a time commitment and when she does she is very late.
I will take responsibility for not being very available during the weekdays since I work. But I am always free on the weekend. She is off for the whole summer.

I am ready really get into Step 8 and 9 and have started step 8 on my own.

So do I find a new sponsor? I don't feel it is urgent, but would like to have someone that can make a time commitment. I do not want to make things awkward between us. Also I am her first and only sponsee

Abraham Lincoln
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by Abraham Lincoln » Sat Jul 27, 2013 4:09 pm

Considering you're her first sponsee, it may be possible that your sponsor is having some personal difficulty or that she simply doesn't realize that you have needs she's not addressing. If it was me and if I hadn't already spoken with her about it, I'd broach the subject and try to keep an open mind for information about her situation that I didn't previously possess. Usually the sponsor gives support and the sponsee takes, but sometimes the inverse can be helpful... Just something to keep in mind. Good luck.

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PaigeB
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by PaigeB » Sat Jul 27, 2013 9:30 pm

I changed sponsors when I was about 6 months sober because she was not going through the book with me. She went ahead and listened when when I insisted on her hearing my 5th Step. She really didn't have time to meet or take my calls.

I got a new sponsor and we started the Big Book from the beginning. We talked about each Step as we went through. It was a lot different and certainly more effective than my first attempt to do it alone - sorta sponsored...

Taking the Steps... working the Steps... saved my life.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Brock
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by Brock » Sun Jul 28, 2013 2:38 pm

You mention that your sponsor knows you have been working hard at 6 & 7, since you told the meeting you both go to, that your psychologist and other supporters were assisting you with this. There is a fair chance she may have been embarrassed by that, she is your sponsor after all, perhaps you should check with her, that this is not the reason she may be avoiding a meeting with you.

Also, while we don't put links to web pages here, unless to an official AA page, I can say that you might be interested in searching under the heading "BIG BOOK SPONSORSHIP", this will bring you to a page, which discusses the difference between the sponsorship used in AA with the Big Book, and the approach usually taken by psychologists, you just might find, that your best bet is to work with a good AA sponsor, and forget what others say.

God bless all who contribute.
Brock.
Sorry, I just checked the web page I advised, and the wrong one came up, what you want is Clarence Snyder big book sponsorship.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

lifeline
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by lifeline » Mon Jul 29, 2013 4:26 pm

I had a sponsor who kept telling me I wasn't ready to do amends. It turned out later she hadn't done them herself and didn't have experience to share.

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Duke
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by Duke » Mon Jul 29, 2013 4:43 pm

Alcoholics are neither professionals nor counselors. Finding a sponsor you are comfortable with should not be personal. I tell everyone I sponsor that it's their program, not mine and if they feel they need something I can't or don't offer, they should feel free to change. I've had one or two take me up on it.
"If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.", Mother Teresa

Service
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by Service » Mon Aug 05, 2013 10:43 am

Don't worry THEY will find YOU !!!!

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ann2
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by ann2 » Mon Aug 05, 2013 11:01 am

That's what I thought when I started going to AA -- that my sponsor would just appear. Well, didn't happen for me. I had to do the legwork. Now I see how lucky I was.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

Service
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by Service » Fri Aug 30, 2013 11:32 pm

Don't worry THEY found YOU !!!!

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Squawking Hawk
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by Squawking Hawk » Sat Aug 31, 2013 7:44 am

Shortly after I began attending what was to become my home group, a woman with good sobriety "found me." She was great, she did not have a car so I took her to meetings. Her name was Laurie. She always called me back, never had to worry about that.

Problem was that by the time I began attending my home group, I had already asked another women to be my sponsor. A women I took an instant liking to. Problem was that she was not always good at calling me back. She was busy. When we did get together I had a good time with her. I stopped hanging around with Laurie after a time, made an amends for that later before Laurie died.

I remember wishing that I had a sponsor who would spend more time with me, who would return my calls. Someone that I could meet with in person. I did not realize that person had already found me, that was Laurie. I did not know that a sponsorship is not a marriage. I did not know that I could ask Laurie if she would be my sponsor. Or at least that I could talk to Laurie about my problems with my sponsor.

I did stay sober even though I did not always get what "I wanted from my sponsor." Perhaps I got what I needed. <shrug>.

Hawk
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Service
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by Service » Sat Aug 31, 2013 10:18 pm

When to find a new sponsor?

When you don't have personal willingness after being here to use A.A. as a whole and you ran out of people to answer your phone call ? LOL, but true

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Tosh
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Re: When to find a new sponsor?

Post by Tosh » Sun Sep 01, 2013 12:08 am

Service wrote:When to find a new sponsor?

When you don't have personal willingness after being here to use A.A. as a whole and you ran out of people to answer your phone call ? LOL, but true
Hi Service, you've been sent to test our patience and tolerance! :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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