Sponsor needs sponsor?

Most of us who recovered with AA's program did so with the help of a "sponsor". But what is sponsorship? How do I get one? Who can be a sponsor? What makes a good sponsor?

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Blue Moon » Tue Sep 26, 2017 6:50 am

Patsy© wrote:I read through this thread and I can't find where anyone said that that a Sponsor is a substitute for a "Higher Power".


Oh, agreed. I wasn't talking of this thread in particular, but of some sponsorship principles in general. It concerns me whenever I hear that someone fresh out of rehab is sponsoring others. OK, maybe they recovered from alcoholism in that 30 days (which itself is doubtful) but they have no sober life-experience to offer.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3561
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Patsy© » Tue Sep 26, 2017 7:39 am

Oh, agreed. I wasn't talking of this thread in particular, but of some sponsorship principles in general. It concerns me whenever I hear that someone fresh out of rehab is sponsoring others. OK, maybe they recovered from alcoholism in that 30 days (which itself is doubtful) but they have no sober life-experience to offer.


I absolutely agree.

Oh my God, we are actually agreeing! =smile :lol:
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Blue Moon » Tue Sep 26, 2017 10:16 am

Patsy© wrote:I absolutely agree.

Oh my God, we are actually agreeing! =smile :lol:

LOL we probably do that more than you think. I just don't tend to go around posting "I agree" to everything, unless I have something to add.

My first sponsor was a doozy. Sad to say, but maybe the best thing he did for me was get drunk. I saw him carried into an AA meeting by 2 other members .... I have never seen that happen since. The last I saw him, he was dying. Yellow eyes, etc.

Anyway, the day before he was carried into that meeting, I was in another meeting sharing about how I believed he was drinking. I was very angry, because others in AA had pushed me onto this guy, who was leading meetings, sharing how wonderful sober life is, etc. This is my life you're dealing with, and I can smell BS from 4,000 miles away. At least make sure your sponsors are even sober before making me a scapegoat.

That speech impressed a guy so much that he became my sponsor for.recovery from alcoholism. He was a Conference Delegate.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3561
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Patsy© » Tue Sep 26, 2017 7:18 pm

That is sad that your first experience with a Sponsor was like that and thank God it led you to a great Sponsor.

Yes Ian, we probably do agree more often then thought. =biggrin
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Roberth » Mon Oct 02, 2017 11:25 am

Hello Brock, you may want read a "New Pair of Glasses" By Chuck C. he states he never had a sponsor. When Bill W. was asked who his sponsor was he would say Ebby T. and one of Bill's highly trusted advisors wasn't even a alcoholic. When all is say we need to remember this is a program of suggestions.
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
User avatar
Roberth
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 629
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:53 pm
Location: In The High Desert of California

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Brock » Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:07 pm

Yes Robert thank you. I like the message of Chuck C, and have listened to some of his tapes, and Bill only said that Ebby was his sponsor, because it was he who first gave him the message over the table in his kitchen, in his story he said - “ I pushed a drink across the table. He refused it. Disappointed but curious, I wondered what had got into the fellow. He wasn't himself.” It would be reasonable to say Bill like Chuck never had a sponsor, because Ebby himself was not very successful in staying sober over his lifetime. But if somebody “suggested” to a newcomer, that neither Chuck nor Bill should be chosen as a sponsor, we would say that's ridiculous.

So what I spoke about was similar, why should people like me who choose not to have a sponsor be discriminated against. Or yes they will say it's just a suggestion, like I suggest you do the steps, and follow it with the story of jumping out of a plane I suggest you wear a parachute, so when they also suggest a sponsor who has a sponsor, a newcomer who knows no better will take that just as seriously, and it's simply not fair and not written in any AA literature.

Like I said earlier, if someone suggested to a newcomer, that every year they take a few drinks to celebrate, I would probably say nothing, because by the end of the first year they would have learned different. If someone prefers to have a sponsor good for them, maybe a service sponsor as well. But I believe nobody has the right to suggest to anyone, that AA's like me won't make good sponsors, because we don't have one ourselves.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3162
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby desypete » Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:36 pm

Brock wrote:Yes Robert thank you. I like the message of Chuck C, and have listened to some of his tapes, and Bill only said that Ebby was his sponsor, because it was he who first gave him the message over the table in his kitchen, in his story he said - “ I pushed a drink across the table. He refused it. Disappointed but curious, I wondered what had got into the fellow. He wasn't himself.” It would be reasonable to say Bill like Chuck never had a sponsor, because Ebby himself was not very successful in staying sober over his lifetime. But if somebody “suggested” to a newcomer, that neither Chuck nor Bill should be chosen as a sponsor, we would say that's ridiculous.

So what I spoke about was similar, why should people like me who choose not to have a sponsor be discriminated against. Or yes they will say it's just a suggestion, like I suggest you do the steps, and follow it with the story of jumping out of a plane I suggest you wear a parachute, so when they also suggest a sponsor who has a sponsor, a newcomer who knows no better will take that just as seriously, and it's simply not fair and not written in any AA literature.

Like I said earlier, if someone suggested to a newcomer, that every year they take a few drinks to celebrate, I would probably say nothing, because by the end of the first year they would have learned different. If someone prefers to have a sponsor good for them, maybe a service sponsor as well. But I believe nobody has the right to suggest to anyone, that AA's like me won't make good sponsors, because we don't have one ourselves.


sponsors have something a new comer wants
its not really about who recommend who in the fellowship, people offered up names for me to try out as a sponsor but i didn't like them or i didn't like what they had i should say rather than like them personally

some came forward offering themselves to me in a pushy sort of way and of course i pushed them away right away as i didnt give them MY permission lol

my sponsors peacefulness is what i wanted, and it shone out of him like a bright light
i wanted to know how the hell he could be sat there and not get all screwed up about things
he had no opinion almost on anything and he told me its the only way to live
which to me being nuts and always moaning about anything and everything was just unbelievable yet seeing him was believing. so i had found my sponsor and believe me in my area my sponsor is well sort after as everyone respects the man and knows he has something that most of us want

i see in your post you feel victimised ? if that is the right word for it ? as you object ( YET AGAIN ) =biggrin about anyone who wouldn't recommend you as a sponsor all because you dont have a sponsor yourself ?

over here in england its the norm to have a sponsor and go through the steps and by doing so you end up making a good friend and confident as a by product, but its not always the case.
i know lots of aa members who dont have a sponsor and plenty who have done the steps on there own, never taken them formally with an aa memeber
and there still around many years later sober and living a good life

some i would recommend to anyone seeking one and some i wouldn't based on my experience of what i have seen in them and how i understand the fellowship of aa
the more a person is to living there life like the preamble of aa the more i would recommend a person
if there still fighting anyone and everything as they still believe they know best then i dont think anyone would recommend them as a sponsor to anyone would they ?
desypete
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 405
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 10:23 pm

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Patsy© » Sat Oct 07, 2017 6:28 am

i see in your post you feel victimised ? if that is the right word for it ? as you object ( YET AGAIN ) =biggrin about anyone who wouldn't recommend you as a sponsor all because you dont have a sponsor yourself ?


Pete, if that is all you see in Brocks post, that is not only incorrect, its genuinely sad...
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby desypete » Wed Oct 11, 2017 11:31 pm

Patsy© wrote:
i see in your post you feel victimised ? if that is the right word for it ? as you object ( YET AGAIN ) =biggrin about anyone who wouldn't recommend you as a sponsor all because you dont have a sponsor yourself ?


Pete, if that is all you see in Brocks post, that is not only incorrect, its genuinely sad...


its clear that this one line is all you can see in my post which is sad i agree

i have read a lot of your posts patsy and you do seem to enjoy arguments with almost anyone on here, even in this thread there are comments of amazement that you agree with another
i seem to be yet another argument your having, that goes on from thread to thread where every line of my posts are viewed with your magnifying glass.

if you like to read stuff and quote expertly etc might i suggest you read the just for today card ? try to understand it by working some of the exercises.
this one for example stands out to me hugely around here

Just for To-day, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

that reminds me of me, it reminds me of my ism, and if i suffer from it ? then maybe others do to ?
desypete
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 405
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 10:23 pm

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby clouds » Thu Oct 12, 2017 3:47 am

I rejected the Just for Today card immediately in my early months in AA. That was because at that stage I was no where near capable of living up to what it was advising. Haha, if only we could see inside ourselves and all our sad little motivations! So now days in sober living, the Just for Today as desy quoted is something I can use to bump me out of complacency when I start up playing god. Winning sometimes seems to be a motive for my disgruntled attitudes. Trying winning little petty arguments, or setting myself up as superiour to others eventually shows itself to me as really just being a kind of insecurity that is driving me to try to win.



Resentments are sometimes subtle. What really helps me is what I read on pages 66 and 67 of the Big Book

We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they like ourselves were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.

We avoid retaliation or argument.

We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.



Its not easy to look carefully at our own defects sometimes, however the rewards are more peace of mind, good spiritual condition.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
User avatar
clouds
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1061
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 11:45 am
Location: España

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Patsy© » Thu Oct 12, 2017 10:36 am

i have read a lot of your posts patsy and you do seem to enjoy arguments with almost anyone on here, even in this thread there are comments of amazement that you agree with another


This above......from the one who finds it ok to write what is written below. :lol:

i see in your post you feel victimised ? if that is the right word for it ? as you object ( YET AGAIN ) =biggrin about anyone who wouldn't recommend you as a sponsor all because you dont have a sponsor yourself ?


Pete, for someone who continues to chase Brock around these boards, unable to NOT comment on his posts... you might want to take your own advice. I realize that will be very hard for you, but give it a shot, I hear it works when we work it =biggrin
Failed 12 Step Call? Not if we walk away sober!
User avatar
Patsy©
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 5:04 pm
Location: Boston, MA

Re: Sponsor needs sponsor?

Postby Blue Moon » Fri Oct 13, 2017 9:35 pm

LOL when the response to someone who suggests you're argumentative is to argue, maybe it's a good idea to quit the debating society and reflect on what it says in Big Book Step 10 about sanity.
Ian S
AKA Blue Moon
User avatar
Blue Moon
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3561
Joined: Wed Jan 23, 2002 2:01 am
Location: New Jersey

Previous

Return to Sponsorship

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest