Step 8

The 12 Steps are the AA program of recovery from alcoholism.
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rhooligan77
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Step 8

Post by rhooligan77 » Tue Jan 21, 2020 4:07 pm

Hello,

I'm currently in a treatment program and we have a weekly homework assignment I was looking for some help with. We have to ask 3 people in A.A. a question regarding one of the 12 steps. My question this week is "Did anyone you tried to make amends with react negatively, and if so, how did you handle it?" Thanks for your help!

MyNameIsBetsy
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Re: Step 8

Post by MyNameIsBetsy » Tue Jan 21, 2020 10:48 pm

Hello Rhlooligan,

No one reacted negatively. One was especially awkward, but not negative.

Assuming we are humble, honest, and prayerful as we go about our amends, the other person's reaction is their own. That person is entitled to whatever emotions/reaction they might have.

Others may have different experiences to share with you.

If you are anticipating whatever amends might be in your future, please just take this one step at a time, and be guided by a good sponsor. That's how we all do it.

Betsy
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

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PaigeB
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Re: Step 8

Post by PaigeB » Wed Jan 22, 2020 11:54 am

rhooligan77 wrote:
Tue Jan 21, 2020 4:07 pm
Hello,

I'm currently in a treatment program and we have a weekly homework assignment I was looking for some help with. We have to ask 3 people in A.A. a question regarding one of the 12 steps. My question this week is "Did anyone you tried to make amends with react negatively, and if so, how did you handle it?" Thanks for your help!
I'm with Betsy - Awkward yes - negative maybe.

My Mom remembered ME doing things my sisters did and visa versa! I could not throw them under the bus and I could not honestly take responsibility for the acts I did not commit. ALSO she wanted to know why my brother did not make such amends to her and why he did not give her a check - reminding me of course that he makes more money than I do. I believe she ended with , "You talk too much."

I made a second amends to her years later that were more about me cleaning my side of the street without worrying what she said or how she said it.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

tomsteve
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Re: Step 8

Post by tomsteve » Wed Jan 22, 2020 12:44 pm

welcome rhooligan. the title is in regards to step 8 but the question is in regards to step 9. step 8 is makin the list. step 9 is making the amends.

no negative reactions here. quite the opposite. all were glad to hear me working on changing.
however, i have heard some negative reactions. one thing that seems common is HOW the amends were done. myself, i explained what i did, why i did it, what i should have done, what ive done to change, and asked if there was anything they would like me to do to correct it.
seems the ones that had a negative experience went in with "im sorry i did________." no mention of why they did it or what was done to change.

gotta remember the definition of amends here.

rjr34036
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Re: Step 8

Post by rjr34036 » Thu Jan 23, 2020 11:58 pm

I had one negative, but it wasn’t negative in the sense that I was disturbed or anything. She agreed to allow me to see her and the night before cancelled and told me that she wanted to protect her peace and energy and refused to see me. That’s all, no big deal really.
ReAnneR

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avaneesh912
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Re: Step 8

Post by avaneesh912 » Fri Jan 24, 2020 5:14 am

"Did anyone you tried to make amends with react negatively, and if so, how did you handle it?" Thanks for your help!

There are some great directions in the big book. First of all, we need to understand we are taking on this path to clear our side of the street. We could run into people who still are not willing to accept our apology. Its ok. We just be honest and walk away from it. Its best of the interest not to convince the other to accept us. The book says God may present another opportunity later. In most cases, people realize that we were sick and accept us and some appreciate the path we are in.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

rhooligan77
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Re: Step 8

Post by rhooligan77 » Wed Feb 05, 2020 10:27 am

Thank you all for your help!

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positrac
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Re: Step 8

Post by positrac » Wed Feb 19, 2020 4:21 am

In a treatment program you are normally allowed to go out and attend meetings in a group and even have meetings inside the facility with outsiders if you are staying onsite. So if you have attended a step meeting I would think that the people in that meeting could provide insight on there experience, strength and hope regarding these questions.

I have no issues expressing my past step experiences; however what I am not really seeing is you as a person and more of some assignment for checking the block off and more like the masters program Theseus for future councilors.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

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