starting 4th step

The 12 Steps are the AA program of recovery from alcoholism.
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Tosh
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Re: starting 4th step

Post by Tosh »

catcar wrote:
Tosh wrote: I hope I've been of some help.
This really helps break it down for me! Tosh, it's amazing how you have picked up on what I have in my life to start writing down! Thank you all because I can tell doing this right will help me be sober
No problems. It's a trick I've learnt from my own sponsor. He's great at getting me to do stuff I don't want to do, but know I should be doing; but in a good kind of non-bullying way. I think they call it 'encouragement'. :lol:

Oh, another point which I think is hugely important, don't turn this into a self-flagellation exercise. Re-read the Step 4 instructions; they're very business-like - it talks about doing this thing like we'd do a stock inventory at work, and we wouldn't turn that into a self-centred exercise in beating ourselves up would we?

There's a time to get emotionally involved with a Step 4, and that'll happen at Step 5 (without any effort), in the safety of the presence of your sponsor and God.

Another good tip is to book a date with your sponsor for your Step 5, otherwise it may drag on for too long.

Happy trudging.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

catcar
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Re: starting 4th step

Post by catcar »

Ok all, I have still not completed this. Started working on it and then was going to wait until after the holidays to finish. Got the flu, hospital, my MIL died......Now I am making a date with my sponsor to finally meet about this. My plan was to do this early to mid January but I am finally getting it done now. I am conflicted between just following the table in the BB and answering more directed questions in other formats. I am a very distracted person so the questions are much more easy for me to follow but it seems like the favored format is to not have that much structured direction?

Lali
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Re: starting 4th step

Post by Lali »

Why don't you ask your sponsor how to do your 4th step? That's what they are for.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

catcar
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Re: starting 4th step

Post by catcar »

Lali wrote:Why don't you ask your sponsor how to do your 4th step? That's what they are for.
I have worksheets from my sponsor. We work together very well except for the fact that I am ADD and that makes it hard for me with this structure when it comes to writing things down. She is a great resource but I appreciate input from others. I have a hard time holding on to advise because I get myself worked up into crazy moments and seem to not be able to embrace the solution. I do not want to bug her all the time. Sometimes I just need to hear things over and over or need to hear things from different perspectives in order to have it rely sink in. I feel selfish doing this but it is really helping me keep sober in some very challenging times.

zteknik
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Re: starting 4th step

Post by zteknik »

Evening Family, Bob Alcoholic
Step 4 was a tough one for me, as probably a lot of other people. We have to really take a look at ourselves in an open and honest way.
That was something I did not know how to do-is to be honest.
I too was looking at worksheets and all of the ways to do it, I was looking for the perfect way to do it. Being the alcoholic that I am I was being ocd about it.
My sponsor suggested I write a list ,one side bad, one side good. Well it was taking me forever to do it, I really did not want to look at myself and be honest. But I knew if I wanted to stay sober I must.

So one day I sat and said the fourth step prayer and began...Pen hit paper and that Higher Power I came to believe in step 2 worked the pen for me.I wrote and wrote until I cried.
I looked at my list and the bad side had so much more than the good. Then I realized I have been honest with myself for probably the fist time in my life.
That led me to believe I had some hope. And I was willing to continue.

Sure it is hard to look at ones self, but once you do and understand why you did all the bad stuff you can slowly be able to correct it with the rest of the steps and guidance from your sponsor.

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Jackstraw
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Re: starting 4th step

Post by Jackstraw »

I am about to embark on a real attempt on the 4th step and I just stumbled accross this. I can't thank you all enough. Just what I needed, when I needed it. :D
And I know how sweet life can be
If I keep myself free from the wah-wah
G.Harrison

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Tosh
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Re: starting 4th step

Post by Tosh »

Jackstraw wrote:I am about to embark on a real attempt on the 4th step and I just stumbled accross this. I can't thank you all enough. Just what I needed, when I needed it. :D
Hey, Jack, the Big Book says...
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. THIS WAS STEP FOUR.
My sponsor wouldn't let me smoke a cigarette between my third Step prayer and beginning my Step 4, and here you are posting on an interweb forum!!!

Sorry. I couldn't help myself. :lol:

Well done, Jack. I look forward to hearing how you get on with it all.

Kind regards,

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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