When will I feel normal?

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Arkeezy
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When will I feel normal?

Post by Arkeezy »

Hello everyone, I just have a few questions that are causing me anxiety not knowing the answer to. I believe this is the right area to do this in.
I have always battled with addiction from the time I was 15 years old,(pain pills) I am 27 now but I got clean around the age of 20 and have lived a pretty normal life up until about a year ago when my addiction personality kicked in and I had a bottle of wine to celebrate something, i don't even remember anymore and that's where it all began. I started drinking every night to get that same happy relaxed feeling that I originally got, but each night the effects were less and less but I kept drinking chasing that feeling every night and about a month or two in I noticed I started feeling numb during the day and would just wait for it to be night time so I could start drinking, all's I cared about was drinking whereas a few months ago I did things during the day that I enjoyed and took pleasure from, this was no longer the case but I continued living during the day feeling numb and then drinking two bottles of wine a night, sometimes more for over a year but I got tired of living this way as the day after I would have such intense anxiety over every little thing, everything bothered me and made me depressed and so I related all of these side effects to the alcohol and decided to quit drinking 10 days ago and while some of the anxiety has gone away and I do feel healthier, I still feel numb during the day and doing things that once brought me pleasure like playing games, talking to people, riding my skateboard are no longer pleasurable and nothing brings me joy anymore and i'm scared I will feel like this forever. Will these feelings go away and is this normal after quiting drinking and will I ever feel normal again? Thank you for any replies that i receive and sorry if i'm all over the place.

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avaneesh912
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by avaneesh912 »

Untreated alcoholism manifests in an alcoholics thru various forms. Anxiety, depression are some of the same. Eckhart tolle groups them as “awakening is the pain body”. And to address that we in AA suggest that the members work the 12 steps of aa. So when the pain body awakens we can squash that and be in a state of neutrality.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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PaigeB
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by PaigeB »

Arkeezy wrote:
Thu Sep 24, 2020 4:58 pm
...will I ever feel normal again?
Feelings are just feelings - they are not facts.

Having a disease is a fact.

If you are alcoholic, I mean if you have this disease - feeling "normal" is a dangerous place where we think we might have overestimated this "thing" and that is where we are in danger of drinking again. :idea:

We ALL have one thing in common... the Phenomena of Craving talked about in The Doctor's Opinion.
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigb ... pinion.pdf

Read the Chapter More About Alcoholism. I love the guy who put whiskey in his milk.
:lol: :lol: :mrgreen: =wink :shock: :cry: :P :x :cry: :roll: :| :lol: :cry:
I mean - How many sandwiches can this guy eat?
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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positrac
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by positrac »

I look at your question as this for me! I will never be normal and or equal to those who may indulge in life's distractions. Because of this I have to learn to live in that world without participating in those things as I am not responsible nor can I control my urges.

What have I've done in the past 30 years? I live my life my way and I don't put myself in places that make me uncomfortable. Examples are gatherings and I go early and make face time and sometimes I feel great and can manage and other times I leave and just disappear. Not sure if this is the ideal life? But I am sober and I have my own clarity. My life is important to me and I've seen others that had sobriety fall to the disease and not make it back and I want to ensure I will be sober until the very end.

That is my normal.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.

adambombo
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by adambombo »

Hi Arkeezy,

Wow, what an intriguing coincidence. You seem to have a few parallels to my own story. I came into the program at 21 and have staid sober a number of years. Like just muddling through the work/normal/whatever day to get to the end of it so I could have a fix was like my standard; I've always been a night time person so the days tend to drag as is, you know? When Im using or when Im trying to detox and lay low I tend to experience that feeling, what do you callit? like getting stuck in a grey zone, nothing has any color anymore. Then naturally sooner or later, as Ive learned, I drink to overcome whatever it is, a craving, a feeling, a thought, my libido haha.

Thankfully Ive been given this cool deal where I dont have to think of myself so often if I work a program in recovery. It's easy to say "F*** it" and run back to the way of life I used to live yet then I would loose out on a lot of the cool opportunities and experiences I have in my life. Trying to find a group of people to hold me accountable and a sponsor is part of that. Developing a relationship with a power greater than myself is the main pie. That is really what has kept me sober through the years, not a girfriend, or a job, or even repetitively going to meeting. My relationship with my HP is really good, and I all I have to do to grow in that relationship is try to work a few simple principles to the best of my ability.
Im sure you've heard all this before, the old stick and soapbox and whatnot, yet life can get unimaginably good after some time and trials through the steps in a program of recovery. It is our job as recovered alcoholics/addicts to try to spread this message.

thanks for reaching out!

Suzieintexas
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by Suzieintexas »

Congrats on 10 days... That's awesome

Right now your soberiety is your number one priority. That means working the steps, getting a sponsor etc... BUT it also means take care of your physical self as well. I would consider talking to your Doctor about depression/anxiety. There are many options out there now with medications.

I am almost 90 days. I have tried before and managed six months but I didn't work the steps or take care of myself. I thought being depressed was because of quitting drinking. I have been taking a low dose SSRI (anti-depressant) for 1 month now. It was a gradual change after a couple weeks but has definitely helped. I still have rough days now and then but everyone does. We are normal people. We just can't drink alcohol in a normal way. It takes awhile to start feeling like your old self but it does happen. And it's soooo worth it to stick with it. I'll be Saying a prayer for you. ❤️

MyNameIsBetsy
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by MyNameIsBetsy »

Hello Arkeezy, welcome. Good questions. Good, honest questions.

To me, normal is being able to sit with my own self. It's being comfortable in my own skin and comfortable interacting with other people. We get that way as we recover in sobriety, by following some simple principles.

I drank a couple of bottles (or more) of wine each night too. Then came a day when I tried to stay sober all by myself. I made it nine days without a drink, then got drunk. I failed when I tried to go it alone. I knew I needed help because I couldn't do it by myself.

I found my way to others who had solved their alcohol problem - that's when I started on my own recovery.

You didn't say anything about connecting locally with other recovering alcoholics. But you wrote to an online group of Alcoholics Anonymous. It sounds like you are thinking of finding out what AA is all about.

I encourage you to call your local office of Alcoholics Anonymous and ask how to find local meetings. Google "Alcoholics Anonymous" and the name of your town or region to get a telephone number to call. Many meetings are online for a while due to Covid. The folks answering that phone can ell you how to find us. We haven't gone away, just gone online!

If you have had enough of being drunk, then getting over being drunk, only to be drunk again . . . we are here for you.

If you want. And when you are ready.

You never have to drink again.

Betsy, an alcoholic
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."

D'oh
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by D'oh »

Drinking is but a Symptom. You state that you have quit drinking and using, but what have you done to replace them?

I call it the "Ism" the Why I drank. I have also stated that if there were to be some Miracle Cure and that I would never touch another drop of Booze, I would be Locked in a padded cell within a month.

Living 1 Day at a Time, comes from the AA Program. Acceptance is the Answer. Everything happens for a Reason, How I accept everything is the problem. Living Dry, well I may as well Live Drunk. Sobriety is much more than putting the Plug in the Jug.

YayoDrainoBankNote
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by YayoDrainoBankNote »

First off stay strong big dog. We’re all in internal battles you’re in good company on this long bumpy path. As for feeling normal, it’s possible, remember your body is simple put good in get good out. I would always hate when people made it a health thing but it is true, I recommend reading the book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life” the author is doctor who has used brain scans to change people’s lives for the better since his career began. He describes some stories and abnormal level of activity in certain regions of your brain. Drugs are usually pretty identifiable in scans side by side healthy brains, even childhood trauma, etc.. The author whom is a professional in this field speaks enthusiastically about homogenizing your brains activity though healthy routines and habits. Proper diet, healthier lifestyle, cleaner and more organized work places, and ultimately a great desire to gain back your self decline and want to a healthy brain. I’ve relapsed but when I read the book originally I never wanted to touch half the stuff I did again.. definitely a good read with scientifically and medically backed suggestions and tips.

Random fact about how spectacular our brains our; there is believed to be more connections in a single human brain than there are stars in the entire universe.

Image*An example of the brain scans the book uses, proof your brain can regain its homeostatic state.
Last edited by YayoDrainoBankNote on Sat Oct 03, 2020 6:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

helenalancaster
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by helenalancaster »

Hi, I understand that you are scared and that you are lonely and depressed, I have been in this state for years. I struggled with painkillers. Nothing worked for me, so (link to drug selling site removed) I took it to get rid of the pain, and it's the only drug that didn't make me addictive. Good thing you stopped drinking. I want you to understand that it won't always be like this, you'll get better. Try to communicate more with someone, people, especially good people-this is the best thing that can happen to you. In any case, you can consult a psychologist, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Last edited by helenalancaster on Mon Nov 16, 2020 9:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PaigeB
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by PaigeB »

helenalancaster wrote:
Wed Oct 28, 2020 11:38 am
hi, I understand that you are scared and that you are lonely and depressed, I have been in this state for many years. I had a struggle with painkillers. It's a good thing you stopped drinking. I want you to understand that it won't always be like this, you'll get better. Try to communicate more with someone, people, especially good people is the best thing that can happen to you. In any case, you can go to a psychologist, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Welcome Helena! Hope to see you around the Forum more often! Keep coming back!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

1Peter5:10
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Re: When will I feel normal?

Post by 1Peter5:10 »

The good news is your obsession will leave
and your music will come back to you.
.
.
.
The bad new is time alone won't do it.
An alcoholic (just for fun we'll say he has a cold), gets in an auto accident and goes into a coma for six months.
Six months later his cold is gone. His broken bones are healed, but he is still an alcoholic he still has the obsession to drink.
Fishing or video games with his kids are still not as much fun as they used to be.

Six months will heal your bones and heal your cold but it not heal your alcoholism
because time alone does not relieve the obsession to drink and it does not make uninteresting things interesting.

The required internal changes (heart and mind) take time, but just time and nothing but time won't do it.
I am 100% certain you went through the above when you kicked our first addiction but, if you are like me,
then you will want to know that after "x" number of months working on myself I suddenly noticed that about a week ago the obsession. It just comes!

For the old-timers the obsession left when they did their 10th steps
P 84 "This thought brings us to Step Ten . . . .

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone -- even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. . . .
It just comes!
We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. . . .

We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve. .. .

Step Eleven suggests that . . .

For the old-timers it happened when they did their tenth step.
The obsession to drink was relieved.
I am certain that whatever music they were listening to in the 1930's came back to them then too. =biggrin

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