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I don't know where to begin

Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2020 10:49 pm
by paulbob2287
So here I am 32 years old I run a very profitable business and I drink like a fish. I have 4 kids and a wife that depend on me and most nights I drink through at least a six pack and 5 shots before I feel right to pass out. This has become my nightly routine. I have been late to work and shown up so hungover that I have to pop pills to function. My father passed away 2 years ago from many different drug abuses and my mother continues to hit the bars nightly. I really have no clue how to stop and I really have no answers. I have to drink I can't smoke weed I can't just stop cold Turkey. This is my dilemma, I really don't want my kids to live the childhood I seen and i see it starting. I know I'm not as bad as some but I know this is also not a normal trend. I lash out way to much when I'm not drinking. I just have no clue where to begin. I can't do local meetings as that will screw my job, what advice can yall have for me.

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:04 am
by Jojo2
paulbob2287 wrote:
Thu Mar 19, 2020 10:49 pm
So here I am 32 years old I run a very profitable business and I drink like a fish.
I really have no clue how to stop and I really have no answers. I have to drink ..... I can't just stop cold Turkey. I just have no clue where to begin. I can't do local meetings as that will screw my job, what advice can yall have for me.
Welcome Paul,
The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.
You are a member if you say you are.  There are  no dues or fees.Only you can decide if you qualify and if you are willing to go to any lengths.
Here at the eAA Group, we have a recovery email meeting and discussion forums where you will find much support and hear from other members how it worked for us. 

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous online link is  http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline


The following chapters are a good place to start:
Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

e-AA has Forums discussion and an email meeting available 24/7.

Our Forums will provide you with much information about working the Twelve Steps.


You can subscribe here to our email Recovery Meeting and receive regular readings:
http://e-aameetings.org/mailman/listinf ... etings.org

To request a temporary sponsor to get you started with the AA programme, please complete our form here:
      http://www.e-aa.org/form_sponsors.php

A temporary sponsor is a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous who is willing to share their experience, strength, and hope with another alcoholic as a way of service to help insure their own sobriety.
Their main function is to help guide the new person towards the 12 Steps, and also, where appropriate, to help guide the new person to face to face meetings and a f2f sponsor in their local AA community.
We assign women for women and men for men.

An excellent introduction on sponsorship, permanent or temporary, with questions and answers, is this pamphlet
from GSO :

Questions and Answers on Sponsorship:
http://aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf


You will also find much information and support in addition to details of meetings near you by following the links below.

In my experience, online is a wonderful supplement to face to face and invaluable in certain circumstances as we are currently witnessing.

A.A. Near You.

http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

Outside US and Canada   >

https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa- ... es/world/1

There is no shortage of support.

          

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:31 am
by 4evertryinpete
Hi Paul,
Firstly I can completely associate with you thinking that it’s not as bad as others and in many ways I found that that was half of the problem. I could maintain...problem was that over the years my failure to do what I knew in my heart what was good for me and stop, slowly robbed me of my confidence. I go on and off to meetings because I find it very difficult to get my head around some ideologies, but the more I go, the more I’m realising that being in a room full of like minded people that you can actually open up to is truly something special in what is otherwise a very lonely illness, and I know that I need to just keep going. Yes, especially at the start I felt like a bit of a fraud as most of the time I wasn’t drinking 2 bottles a day etc but the more I go the more I’m realising whatever the level...it’s the same bloody horrible illness that robs us of what we can be. You have to/ want to do this for you mate but in that process imagine how you’ll be teaching your kids...it is possible and self improvement is not only something you CAN do but something you deserve. It’s obviously very difficult at the moment for meetings but when you can maybe find a meeting 30 mins away or somewhere you feel comfortable with. You’ll be surprised though how easy and undiscovered you can attend them is. Yes you’ll probably be scared, ashamed, feel like you’re not like these people and shouldn’t be there but just sit and listen to the stories of these people, where they were and where they are now. It’s truly inspirational pal. Bottom line p is to make a change it takes work, question is how much you want it. All my very best.
Pete.

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:32 am
by Lavender
Good morning and welcome. I feel your pain and hopelessness but although you say you cant attend local meetings as it will put your job in jeopardy my first piece of experience will be to suggest you attend a meeting. You need to remember that people don't attend meetings because they have nothing better to do so whoever you may run into at a meeting (should that ever so happen), have the same problem as you do so I doubt that person would go out and tell the world "Hey guess what, I saw Paul at my AA meeting last night!) as that will tell others that that person is also an alcoholic, why else would he or she be at an AA meeting?

Once you've attended your first meeting you can possibly approach the chairperson to see if you can get a sponsor to work with one a daily basis and by doing so keeping the meeting attendance in the beginning to a minimum.

Whichever way you decide to go I wish you good luck and look forward to hearing from you some more.

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 7:34 am
by MyNameIsBetsy
Hi Paul, welcome.

We've all been there. We've all been completely out of control with our drinking, and that scared deep-to-the-bones fear that we are in serious trouble. For many of us, this is a pivotal moment when we become willing to make big changes.

For me, that moment motivated me to get help. I did a lot of research on alcoholism and hated that I saw myself in so many descriptions. Then I took the step which got me started on sobriety . . . I walked into my first AA meeting. Didn't want to do it. Didn't want to be there. Did it anyway. Took every ounce of courage I had.

And that is my suggestion for you too. Go to a local AA meeting. Go to the next town or two down the road if you would feel more anonymous. But go.

Listen to the stories of those who share. Do you hear those sober folks share about things you have done, felt, or thought? That is how we identify with each other. When we identify with each other's struggles with alcohol, then we can identify with each other's recovery. That brings hope . . . hope that we can live a sober life.

If you are concerned you will be recognized, get over it. The only people at these AA meetings are those of us who also have the same illness. We are there to get well, and to help you.

While you think all of this over, JoJo gave you a bunch of links to some AA books. I suggest you start reading the basic book, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and find out if what the book says makes sense to you.

Good luck. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Betsy, an alcoholic

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 7:40 am
by tomsteve
paulbob2287 wrote:
Thu Mar 19, 2020 10:49 pm
I have been late to work and shown up so hungover that I have to pop pills to function. I can't do local meetings as that will screw my job
you could take a look at those 2 sentences. dont ya think showin up so hung over ya have to pop pills is already screwin over your job?
wouldnt being pro active and attending meetings be an action to help your job?

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2020 8:05 am
by shangc1107
Good Morning Paul,

Thank you for sharing what’s going on and asking for help. As an alcoholic in recovery, my sobriety depends upon sharing what I’ve got from this program of living with others.

When I read your post, I got the knots in my stomach remembering what it was like to live as an alcoholic actively using. I used to do surveys with titles like “Are you an alcoholic?” No matter how I manipulated the answers, I always got a result that recommended I seek outside help. And, I never liked the answers from outside help, which was that I must stop drinking.

But, the disease of alcoholism is progressive. It got to a point where I was unable to stop. I thought obsessively about drinking. I would sneak it all the time, and as my mind focused on that, I dropped the ball everywhere else. Especially, with my children.

My path to recovery from alcoholism began with a treatment center. My physical cravings and mental obsession combined to make it impossible to get sober without medical intervention. Not everyone needs that, but it is something to keep in mind.

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2020 6:45 am
by Mike O
Hi Paul

It happened to me too. I couldn’t stop drinking and obsessing about drinking. When I had one, I couldn’t stop at that, at least not comfortably.
12 years ago, I read the book Alcoholics Anonymous and I did exactly what was suggested in it - known as the 12 steps. I haven’t had a drink, or wanted a drink since then.
Give it a go
😁

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2020 9:06 am
by Theo50
paulbob2287 wrote:
Thu Mar 19, 2020 10:49 pm
So here I am 32 years old I run a very profitable business and I drink like a fish. I have 4 kids and a wife that depend on me and most nights I drink through at least a six pack and 5 shots before I feel right to pass out. This has become my nightly routine. I have been late to work and shown up so hungover that I have to pop pills to function. My father passed away 2 years ago from many different drug abuses and my mother continues to hit the bars nightly. I really have no clue how to stop and I really have no answers. I have to drink I can't smoke weed I can't just stop cold Turkey. This is my dilemma, I really don't want my kids to live the childhood I seen and i see it starting. I know I'm not as bad as some but I know this is also not a normal trend. I lash out way to much when I'm not drinking. I just have no clue where to begin. I can't do local meetings as that will screw my job, what advice can yall have for me.
Welcome to the group paulbob2287. Many of us here can certainly identify with your story and you came to the right place if you are unable to get to a face-2-face meeting. There are also some great youtube videos, (audio only), by Joe & Charlie that I would recommend to listen too as well as the other literature in the post from JoJo2. Please post back and let us know how you are doing.

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2020 10:47 am
by Spirit Flower
There was a time in my life when I lived in a small town. I was in management at the one big employer. I didn't want to be seen at AA so I drove once a week to a nearby city and attended meetings there. At the time, I had years of sobriety. For a new person, I'd still recommend driving over nothing, and get phone numbers.

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:50 pm
by Layne
When I got into recovery, I was a successful,fairly high profile, owner of a business downtown on the one main street of a typical gossipy small town. AA meetings were just a block down the street. I figured once news got out that I was going to AA, my business would die; however at this point I was more scared of my alcoholism than I was of the opinions of other people.

My fears about the news of my alcoholism hurting the business proved to be totally baseless. Just more evidence for my out of whack ego with it's lack of humility that I wasn't nearly as important and significant to other people as I thought I was...what do you mean that other people aren't preoccupied with me!!!.

The business survived and even thrived for 12 more years, when (in recovery) I decided to close the doors as I felt I had achieved my goals and it was time for a new chapter in my life.

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2020 1:42 pm
by PaigeB
Layne wrote:
Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:50 pm
...what do you mean that other people aren't preoccupied with me!!!.
LMAO - ME TOO! :lol: :lol: :lol: :mrgreen: =smile :shock: :wink: 8) :lol: :idea:

Re: I don't know where to begin

Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2020 1:09 am
by retired baker
tomsteve wrote:
Fri Mar 20, 2020 7:40 am
paulbob2287 wrote:
Thu Mar 19, 2020 10:49 pm
I have been late to work and shown up so hungover that I have to pop pills to function. I can't do local meetings as that will screw my job
you could take a look at those 2 sentences. dont ya think showin up so hung over ya have to pop pills is already screwin over your job?
wouldnt being pro active and attending meetings be an action to help your job?
I'm reminded of the saying "the alcoholic is the last to know".
Everyone else already knew I was an alkie.