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Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 4:39 pm
by Star001
Hi,
I told my family today that I am an alcoholic and I need help. I hate drinking but can't seem to stay away from it. My husband said he will support me but he is very angry. I understand that he has reason to be angry but this isn't helping me right now. It took me a lot of courage to admit to everyone that I have a drinking problem and ask for help. He doesn't believe that I can quit and that makes me feel horrible because I am already scared and feel like I am a disappointment. He has known I had a drinking problem for a long time and I thought that admitting it and telling him I want to change and be sober would make him happy, instead he i seems more angry with me than he does when I drink. I'm hoping that this will go away with time and when I show him that I can stay sober. We took all of the alcohol out of our house because I said I'm not strong enough to be around it right now. I know I need to go to a meeting but I feel nervous. I have only been to one meeting. I know they say try out different ones and find a sponsor but it all feels frightening to me and I don't want to fail.

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 4:54 pm
by Brock
Just 10 minutes before you posted this, another new member spoke about his good experience at his first meeting today, it's the topic above this one.

Admitting the problem and deciding to reach out for help, as you probably know is the first step. I don't want to guess why your husband might be angry, but I believe some folks think these things should be kept more private, but at any rate it's something he should soon adapt to and accept.

Of course meetings and thinking of sponsors feels frightening, but as has happened here many times, people come back and report the experience was nothing like our brain imagines it might be, and have no fear of failing, it you do the steps you will not fail, best of luck and stay in touch here.

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 4:56 pm
by avaneesh912
I don't want to fail.
The application of principles behind each step will help you overcome the obsession and lead a serene life. Good look, feel free to ask questions. Visit local AA meetings and see if you can find a compatible person who can help you work the 12 steps have a psychic change so you can have an awesome life.

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 5:02 pm
by ezdzit247
Hi Star001 and welcome.

Glad you decided to reach out for help with your drinking problem.

I was very nervous about going to my first AA meeting. I had no idea what to expect or what the other people would be like or whether I could sit through an entire meeting without bolting for the door. It was hard but I knew I had to do it because I knew I could not stay sober on my own. As it turned out, my fears melted away after the first five minutes of the meeting and I felt even more comfortable after listening to different members share their about their drinking, what happened to convince them they had a problem, how they got to AA, and especially how happy they were in sobriety. I knew I was in the right place and I wanted what these people had found in AA too.

AA publishes a pamphlet entitled "This is AA - An introduction to the AA recovery program" which might help answer your questions about how the program works. Most AA meetings have this pamphlet in their literature rack or you can read it online by clicking on this link:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-1_thisisaa1.pdf.

Here's an excerpt from the pamphlet on AA's 24 hour plan and how to stay away from that next drink:

"For example, we take no pledges, we don’t say that we will “never” drink again. Instead, we try to follow what we in A.A. call the “24-hour plan.” We concentrate on keeping sober just the current twenty-four hours. We simply try to get through one day at a time without a drink. If we feel the urge for a drink, we neither yield nor resist. We merely put off taking that particular drink until tomorrow…."

I hope you decide to go to an meeting soon and find what I found in the rooms too.

Keep coming back….

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 5:09 pm
by Spirit Flower
Welcome star

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:19 am
by Feeya
Star001 wrote:I have only been to one meeting. I know they say try out different ones and find a sponsor but it all feels frightening to me and I don't want to fail.
Been there. I was SO scared. But you know what? Fear is just that... A thought...
I told myself that I had nothing to lose and then I just went. I shivered, I cried, I stumbled over my words, I did not talk to anyone before or after the meeting, but I went and it helped me understand what I need to do. So I went again and after attending a few different meetings the fear of talking slowly went away. I was able to express myself without sounding like an idiot, I stopped stumbling so much. I found an amazing home group and a great sponsor, I found other great meetings that I attend regularly!
I am able to make eye contact with people now and that feels really amazing.
You have got nothing to lose but your chains!

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 7:39 am
by Lali
Hi, Star. Many people fear going to meetings because they think they will have to speak. That's not true at all. The chairperson does usually ask if anyone is there for their first meeting and will ask that you identify yourself by first name only. But you don't even have to do that if you don't want to. Everyone there will have had a first meeting, so they will know just how you feel!

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:57 am
by Larryp713
Welcome Star, and best wishes. I completely relate to you dealing with an angry and skeptical partner. I have been on-again, off-again drinking for the first 16 years of my marriage. The last few years were really bad, and the off periods grew smaller and smaller. When I finally hit my bottom and went to AA with an appropriate level of desperation and willingness, my wife wasn't talking to me at all. This cold period lasted the first two months, and she told my daughter that I would drink again because I always did. I was angry when I heard that, but then I thought about it. I was working on my fourth step at the time, and my dishonesty was a glaring defect of character. I had lied even when I wasn't drinking. I had spent the first 16 years of my marriage teaching her not to trust me. How could I expect to convince her after the first few weeks? Even though I felt an incredible change, and the desire to drink had been completely lifted, there was nothing I could say that would convince her.
As suggested by my sponsor and others, I stopped trying to convince her. I just kept working the steps and plugging into the program. I prayed to know what I could do for my wife and kids and acted on inspiration I received. It was hard, because my wife did not act very grateful for awhile. But as I continued to do these things, she started to soften towards me. A couple of months ago, she told me how grateful she is of the husband and father I am today. It was amazing to hear those words from her - I truly thought my marriage was over 19 months ago when I hit bottom. But I knew that without this program and my higher power, I would not have this life today. Instead of taking credit for it, it has strengthened my resolve to continue to work this program. Today, I carry the message.
My wife and I still have our trials, but nothing like before. I wish you all the best - miracles happen in AA. Don't quit before the miracle happens for you. Larry

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 9:17 am
by Star001
Thank you all for your hope and advice. I have been to a couple meetings now and I am trying to focus on mysef and not him. Hopefully things will get easier.

I know that it must be hard for other people to understand the change we go through. I want to stay sober and not drink now. Before I honestly didn't care about mysef enough to truly want to stop.

I will just keep working my program and being a better me however I can.

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 9:33 pm
by johnd
Hello star001,
I already see the change in you in such a short time.. Glad you decided to do it for you.. Truly as I and everyone else has learned that we can not get sober for others.. Just keep it in the day and Listen, and Learn. That was the key in the beginning for me.. Life is going to happen and the best you can do is just focus on you and your Primary Purpose.. I wish you well...
John D.

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2016 8:25 am
by Larryp713
Star001 wrote: I know that it must be hard for other people to understand the change we go through. I want to stay sober and not drink now. Before I honestly didn't care about mysef enough to truly want to stop.
This is exactly what I wanted everyone, especially my wife, to know. But I had lied to myself and others for so long, they would never believe me if I told them. I had to show them. That is one of the first examples of learning to really trust God. It will happen when it is supposed to happen.

Re: Finally ready to stop living in denial.

Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2016 7:34 pm
by Star001
Thanks.. Yes one day at a time for me and I will keep proving that I can be trusted. Hiding things for so long kind of messed up that but it is within my power with the work of my HP to get this done and prove myself trustworthy again.
Truly I appreciate everyone's input, advice and kind words.