looking for someone to talk to

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sunday_love
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looking for someone to talk to

Post by sunday_love »

Dear everyone,

I do not know yet what I am doing here exactly, at first I guess I am looking for someone I could talk to about alcoholism and other kinds of problems. I would be happy to do that via e-mail.

In a nutshell, I am a 30 year old woman and I have been drinking for about 15 years now. That means sooo many dark days, horrible hangovers, useless weekends in bed trying to sleep and survive the day, falling asleep in random places and so on. It also means there is no evening out with friends without drinking everything possible, and it also meant way too many one night stands with total strangers and no memories of millions of events, birthdays, concerts, firts dates, important conversations and other moments that could be amazing ones but I will never be able to remember them.
I also have depression and anxiety issues and I am pretty sure drinking 6-8 beers on a regular Tuesday does not really help with that either.

Please if you feel you could help me with some encouragement, with your experience, I would appreciate your help an e-mail.

Anyway, I know there is nothing new for you in all that I wrote now, but it is hard for me and a big step to "say it out loud" - that I have problems. Because I do not want to live this way but also do not know any other.
Thank you so much for letting me tell you this. Also sorry about my English but I am not a native speaker.

My e-mail address is dori.szovegek(a) Spammer

s.l.

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avaneesh912
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by avaneesh912 »

Welcome aboard. To start congratulations on this effort to get well. Many people are still in the dark. The first thing you may do is start looking for local AA meetings where you live. Also you may start reading the big book at http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous.

it will give you good overview of what you are dealing with and a solution to overcome that. There are also great workshops on the internet you may use, most of them come free. Google Joe and Charlie big book study.

Please keep in touch.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Chelle
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by Chelle »

Message deleted
Last edited by Chelle on Sun Apr 17, 2016 5:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

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ann2
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by ann2 »

Hi and welcome! Congratulations on reaching out for help!

I recommend calling the number listed for Alcoholics Anonymous in your phone book. Most areas have 24/7 hotlines and you can be connected with someone who understands to talk to about these subjects and more. Really talk to someone and keep your anonymity as well -- can't beat that ☺ :D

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

Robert R
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by Robert R »

Hi sunday and welcome, as the others have suggested it is my experience that our answers lie in getting to meetings, getting a sponsor and working the steps so I can only support the advice already given.

Best wishes,

Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

sunday_love
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by sunday_love »

Thank you so much for the quick and nice answers! It is so good to be in a friendly environment where I kinda feel safe. Thanks to you guys.

I know that it would be better to make a commitment and go to a local AA meeting but I am not ready yet. I am just not there. I do not know how to explain this but probably everything I feel you all felt before... When I think about going to an AA meeting my whole body screams no no no and it just seems impossible to go to those meetings and come out of the closet in front of other people. I feel like I need more time and some thinking about this whole situation because I do not feel ready to make this commitment even if I know I do not want to live like this. I have always been a quitter anyway and I am so afraid of being a failure in this too.

And here I go, now I feel like a whining Expletive asking for help but refuse to accept it in the same time.
What the hell is wrong with me? Am I still five years old or what?

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avaneesh912
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by avaneesh912 »

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I still five years old or what?
This is because of our mind. Our mind conditioned by various thing that goes on in our life, wants to fight it out. Thats egoic thinking. You can step out of that torture. Thats where the 12 steps helps us. Look at our character defects. Usually its the low self-esteem or the pride. What will others think of me if I have to bare all. Thats what blocks us from receiving help. Some with pride, don't even ask. Because they know!
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Tosh
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by Tosh »

sunday_love wrote:I have always been a quitter anyway and I am so afraid of being a failure in this too.
Ah, you've just triggered my 'relate alarm'. This was me. By every conceivable measure (a husband, father, soldier, employee, a boss, a human being) I failed at. I had this concept of myself that I was a weak man with the breaking strain of a Kit Kat (a Kit Kat is a wafer biscuit covered in a thin layer of chocolate; easily broken).

Fear of failure is also one of my fears too.

Luckily enough A.A. taught me that I don't have to change everything at once; it took me a long time to get into the situation I was in, so it may take a while to get out of it.

But I really had to start coming out of my comfort zone, little by little, if I wanted to recover.

Please don't write the idea of going to a meeting off; my first meeting was a game-changer. And we're not a scary lot.

And welcome to the forum.

Regards

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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Chelle
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by Chelle »

When you are ready to stop living this way, I hope you will seek out a meeting. Fear is a real thing. For me, living the way I was, scared me more than walking into my first meeting. I can not convince you to go. You will hit your bottom when you stop digging. People are just as friendly and helpful in the rooms as they are right here. They want to help you and show you how they did it. I was terrified but have never regretted the decision. Not only has it saved my life, it has made my life worth living. It is better than I could have ever imagined.
Peace

sunday_love
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by sunday_love »

Chelle wrote:When you are ready to stop living this way, I hope you will seek out a meeting.
Dear Chelle, thank you so much. I know you can not convince me and it all depends on me. I am kind of sure I finally will go to the meeting but I just started to think about my life and my future and how this is an impossible way to live and I feel I need a bit more of time to think, read and talk about this. Also my brain knows it is partly only being weak. My drinking habits were much worse years ago, sometimes I even feel like yeah, well, there is no real problem here, so what if I drink a couple of beers, I am not doing anything bad, not sleeping around with strangers, I do not fall asleep on the sidewalk anymore, I still go to work every day, et cetera... but I do not think this is new to you :)

I want to stop because I know how much I have missed in the past 15 years... and it may sound scenical but I do not know how to imagine and live my life without alcohol. I have no idea how to socialze without it. I have never tried. I do not think I have ever been on a date and not got totally wasted. I have to drink every time I see my friends and I really want a beer after work. Is it a habit or is it a disease? Either way, I am scared to death when I try to imagine my life totally sober. Also I want it so bad. Do I sound hopeless?...

sunday_love
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by sunday_love »

Tosh wrote:
Ah, you've just triggered my 'relate alarm'. This was me. By every conceivable measure (a husband, father, soldier, employee, a boss, a human being) I failed at.

Tosh
Thank you for your words, Tosh. I am not happy you failed many times too, but finding people who understand me is a beautiful feeling.

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avaneesh912
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by avaneesh912 »

Also I want it so bad. Do I sound hopeless?...
Yes, thats a good state to be in. But, before the mind starts acting up, we need to tap into the power the big book (alcoholics anoymous) talks about. Thats the real solution. Goto a local meeting, find a sponsor and start working the 12 steps. Or request for a on-line sponsor and start working with the one assigned to you remotely. Once you awaken, perhaps you can step into a f2f meeting.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Tosh
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by Tosh »

sunday_love wrote:
Tosh wrote:
Ah, you've just triggered my 'relate alarm'. This was me. By every conceivable measure (a husband, father, soldier, employee, a boss, a human being) I failed at.

Tosh
Thank you for your words, Tosh. I am not happy you failed many times too, but finding people who understand me is a beautiful feeling.
You know, A.A. has a way of teaching us how to transform all this S*** into manure and to grow from it?

Honestly.

If nothing changes, nothing changes; do something different (to quote a few trite cliches; apologies).

There's been some great suggestions made in this post, such as phoning your A.A. helpline, or just getting yourself to a meeting; the closest and next one available to you.

You know you want to. And if you want to drink after, you're welcome to do so. The only requirement to be an A.A. member is to have a DESIRE to stop drinking, which means you don't even have to stop drinking. We have no contracts, there's nothing to believe in, there's no people to please in A.A.; we're an easy going lot.

A member here talks about having 'clever feet' and that his clever feet will take him to a meeting even when his head doesn't want to. :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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clouds
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by clouds »

Welcome sunday_love.

We are always here!

About starting AA.

I called AA, a lady picked me up, and took me to an all women's group. It was a small group and I'm so glad I went.

I wanted to know how they were able to get and stay sober, because I had tried to stop and I couldn't manage to keep stopped.

I listened to them speak during the meeting. Some offered me their phone numbers. Thats how my sobriety began and it has lasted many years.

AA works and there are no judgements or requirements of you at all. The book contains the key components of the AA program. Its important to understand what it means to be alcoholic, the book describes this in the first few chapters.

Please private message me, I think I may be near your time zone!
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.

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Chelle
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Re: looking for someone to talk to

Post by Chelle »

Sunday, you do not sound hopeless, you sound just like me. To a T. Once I started drinking, I had no idea of how many I would have, or where I would end up, what I would say or do. Does that sound familiar? Learning to socialize and live life without alcohol sounded impossible to me too. Especially the dating and getting off work part :D

You have no idea of what a wonderful place you are in right now, even though it seems horrible. You are acknowledging and reaching out for help. Do the opposite of what your head is saying. Your head is saying "no I don't need aa, it's not that bad". That is the alcoholic brain talking to you. It's nonsense. Listening to that is keeping you drunk.

I went to my first meeting while I was desperate and did enough research that I knew I could not control or moderate any longer on my own. I had no idea if it would help, but I went, before I had a chance to change my mind and the old thoughts took over.

Like it was said. If you want to drink when you leave, that is fine. As for me, once I walked through the door, as scary as it was (you only have to be scared for a few minutes) I knew I belonged there and I have not had a drink since.

You sound like an alcoholic of my type. I am in the Midwest US. Feel free to PM me as well if you would like.

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