New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

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Blanche
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New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Blanche » Thu Jan 21, 2016 5:55 pm

Hello all! My name is Blanche and I'm an alcoholic.

Writing that alone is scary and is forcing me to come to terms with my addiction. It's also the first time I've ever admitted it to anyone. I've been reading forum threads, and the kindness and support of everyone has been heart-warming and inspirational. I've been sober for over 24 hours (!!!)...it's been a long day. Long. Day. But reading threads about the difficulties and triumphs of others have given me the courage to at least say hello.

I keep considering what to write next, only to delete it all. Embarrassment, shyness, the fear that "once it's out there, it's out there," have prevented me from speaking out sooner. But here it is. I'm an alcoholic, and I want to change.

I've started reading the BB and it was honest-to-goodness the one thing that really comforted me today ( I know there are so many great, other things for which to be grateful, but in my darkest moments, it's hard to locate and focus on them). And the notorious low light and rain of the PNW did *not help the cravings!

But...it's out there now :-) Any advice is greatly appreciated, and thank you for reading!

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Spirit Flower
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Spirit Flower » Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:57 pm

Welcome Blanche. Congratulations on admitting you have a problem. I myself had to be told I was an alcoholic. Anyway, hope you can go to a meeting in your area and work the steps. I have been sober for 30 years. Looking back, I feel so grateful for a sober life. The steps give you a whole new life.
...a score card reading zero...

Blanche
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Blanche » Thu Jan 21, 2016 7:03 pm

Thank you, Spirit Flower! I will going to my first meeting tomorrow and keep doing the work (it'll be nice to have guidance other than "self."). And congratulations on your continued sobriety as well- it is inspirational :)

Warm hugs,
Blanche

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avaneesh912
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by avaneesh912 » Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:08 pm

Embarrassment, shyness, the fear that "once it's out there, it's out there," have prevented me from speaking out sooner.
You will hear in AA, we don't land in AA on a winning streak!

If you read the chapter "Vision for You" same deal:

He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.


But then, we apply the principles of the 12 steps, we have a spiritual awakening and become decent citizens of the universe. Be of service to other suffering kids.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Lali
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Lali » Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:16 pm

Hi, Blanche!

Congratulations on making it this far. Please let us know how your meeting goes.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

Blanche
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Blanche » Thu Jan 21, 2016 8:34 pm

Thank you avaneesh and Lali! I really do appreciate the encouragement :) I will read the chapter you suggest (I've got the wee app-version on my phone) but I'll be picking up a real, physical copy. I will let you all know how it goes tomorrow - and thank you again!

Warm hugs,
Blanche

PS I like the winning-streak comment - how very true

D'oh
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by D'oh » Thu Jan 21, 2016 9:06 pm

Hi Blanche, Glad that you are here, and not just lurking in the shadows.

You have actual accomplished the hardest step, and in the first 24 hrs, so Congratulations!

Blanche
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Blanche » Thu Jan 21, 2016 9:15 pm

Thank you much, D'oh! Onward and upwards :)

Warm hugs,
Blanche

4thDimension
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by 4thDimension » Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:03 pm

Hi Blanche,

Welcome. This too shall pass. Your initial discomfort will fade and it will be replaced by positive feelings, perhaps better than you've known before.

Go to some meetings. Get a sponsor. Get into the steps.

My best wishes to you!

Robert R
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Robert R » Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:25 pm

Welcome Blanche, please let us know how your first meeting goes. Don't be hesitant about asking questions on here. There is a lot of experience amongst the members to plug into and benefit from. Remember the only stupid question is the one not asked, it rarely gets answered! :D
It gets easier, then in my experience it gets better. Enjoy the journey my friend.

Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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tyg
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by tyg » Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:43 pm

Embarrassment, shyness, the fear that "once it's out there, it's out there," have prevented me from speaking out sooner.
Alcoholism...Cunning, baffling and powerful!! My thinking sure had me protecting my drinking in all sorts of different ways. In AA I hear often, "Our secrets keep us sick." Today I understand this but when I was new, I was like, Huh, that is sooo lame!! Today, I don't have any secrets and it has set me free. Once I was open and honest about my drinking problem and about needing extra help, things got easier and the real changes started to happen.

Hope to read more of you...glad you are here!
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

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Niagara
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Niagara » Fri Jan 22, 2016 6:38 am

Welcome blanche, good to have you on board!
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

Blanche
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Blanche » Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:13 am

Thank you, Robert, tyg, and Niagra :-) The support has been overwhelming, and this is all new and raw. First meeting is in a few hours, so here goes...

Many warm hugs,
Blanche

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clouds
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by clouds » Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:33 am

Welcome Blanch

Glad you're here! :)
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.

Blanche
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Re: New, Nervous, Feeling Unreal

Post by Blanche » Fri Jan 22, 2016 9:09 am

Thank you, clouds :)

Warm hugs,
Blanche

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