How to pick a sponsor

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Mudruck
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How to pick a sponsor

Post by Mudruck »

Day 13 sober. Been going to meetings and now I really need to consider getting a sponsor.
I have issues counting on others and my pride doesn't help either.
I would like some direction or stories about finding a sponsor.

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Chelle
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by Chelle »

Hi Mudruck and welcome. I had a lot of pride issues too and trust was a big deal for me. The idea of telling someone all of my stuff was scary. I sat and listened for a week or so, and one lady just stood out to me. Everything she said made sense. I had never spoken to her other than an introduction but, I was drawn to her. This woman is old enough to be my mother and she had what I wanted now and thirty years from now.

In my morning prayer and meditation I was praying in the shower and she just popped into my head and something told me it was right. I had a peace come about me instantly. I got out, in my towel, grabbed my woman's phone list and called her. I was scared if I didn't do it right away I would lose my nerve. She didn't answer. Dread set in...maybe I imagined a connection. A little while later a strange number called my phone..it was her on her husbands phone and I asked her straight away. She said "well of course honey I can do that". She then explained to me that her phone was ringing but she had dropped it in the toilet and couldn't get to it. I said that sounds about right, It was me and my life was in the toilet. :lol:

I believe my higher power was telling me something. Listen for someone that has what you want, someone you can relate to and ask but don't wait to long, The relief is in the steps.
Peace

Robert R
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by Robert R »

At early meetings there was one man I took a deep resentment against, he had no right talking about me like that! It was some time before I realised that he was talking about himself and I was getting identification by thinking it was all about me :lol: His few words about where his drinking took him, taken personally by me had initially blocked me from hearing the solution and where that took him
I asked him to sponsor me and we are still both sober today.
Pride, oh yeah, had to deal with that one too. Turned out it was all false pride, merely a tool to bolster my ego!
He celebrated 26 years sober and I celebrated 7 this last year.
I suggest get the man whose sobriety you admire and who is prepared to lead you through the steps meticulously.
Good luck my friend.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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Brock
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by Brock »

I have issues counting on others and my pride doesn't help either.
For those very reasons I have never had a sponsor, would that disqualify me from advising someone how they might go about it, no it shouldn't. Firstly because I can say swallow that pride like I wish I had done, I would have recovered way sooner than I did if I had. Also I have spent enough years in the rooms to know the type of person I would ask.

He or she would be someone who spoke about the steps often when they contributed in meetings, but not just a know all type. If you can think of someone who looks and acts happy and at ease in sobriety, it's a fair bet that person has what you want. You should also not be scared to ask, if it is the right person they will be honored that you did, sometimes but not often they may turn you down, but only because they already have a full plate and can't give you what you deserve.

Keep in mind that on the odd occasion it does not seem to be working well between yourselves, there is no harm in saying so and asking someone else, if you have doubts about the way you are being shown the steps or treated, you can always raise them here, this is something we see from time to time. All the best in your search for a sponsor, and for your sobriety, the program really is not difficult and the rewards way more than worth the effort.

Zimmy and Robert have given some lovely advice as well, all the best.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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ezdzit247
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by ezdzit247 »

Mudruck wrote:Day 13 sober. Been going to meetings and now I really need to consider getting a sponsor.
I have issues counting on others and my pride doesn't help either.
I would like some direction or stories about finding a sponsor.
Hi Mudruck

Congratulations on 13 days of sobriety!

When I first started going to AA meetings, I asked the AA woman who had 12 Stepped me to be my sponsor. I really didn't know anything about the AA program or how to stay sober but since she had 25 years of sobriety, I figured she did and could help guide me, answer my questions. There were lot's of AA members who approached me and volunteered to be my sponsor but while I was sure their intentions were good, I wanted someone older and wiser as well as someone who was as good at listening as they were at talking. I know today that I couldn't have chosen a better AA sponsor and I still use the wisdom she taught me about working with others in AA. I later chose to use my home group as my sponsor, but I still valued my original sponsor's experience, hope, and strength on many issues and kept in touch. I would suggest you look around the meeting rooms for someone with long term sobriety who seems like a good fit for you personality wise and ask that person to sponsor you. If the relationship doesn't really work for you, know that you can choose someone else later. Good luck!
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mudruck
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by Mudruck »

All your comments are greatly appreciated.

Jaywalker Steve
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by Jaywalker Steve »

I was told to find someone who talks about: taking the 12 Steps, reading the Big Book, saying prayers, helping others and practicing the AA principles outside of meetings.
Every group has men and women who put too much thought and effort into their daily sobriety and not enough of themselves into their daily living. - Ed B., Akron, OH

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avaneesh912
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by avaneesh912 »

A big book meeting is a place you may find people with the working knowledge of the steps. Though, it might be least attended meetings, that is where you will find them. Open discussion meetings usually are packed, if you are late a few minutes, you probably have to sit way over the end of the rooms.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Tosh
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by Tosh »

Mudruck wrote: I would like some direction or stories about finding a sponsor.
I came to A.A., stayed sober for a while on the support from the fellowship, and when that stopped working, I drank. Then I got sober again, still in A.A., but hit sober rock bottom. I just wasn't happy being sober, and I knew drinking wouldn't work. It's a tough place to be when you can't live sober, yet can't live drunk either. I think that's why, statistically speaking, alkies are something like 60 times more likely to commit suicide than non alcoholics (that's just my opinion; feel free to ignore it).

So I phoned a Big Book guy who I knew was active in sponsoring, and asked him to be my sponsor. I then allowed myself - not without a fight at times :lol: - to be sponsored.

In reality, that didn't mean he controlled me or anything like that, he just took me through the Big Book and helped me with the difficult stuff, like my amends.

In the process I learnt how to sponsor, and that's been an amazing thing too.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

cmcd77
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by cmcd77 »

Hi, I'm reaching out on behalf of my dad. He was admitted to hospital on Saturday evening with alcohol related issues and he should be allowed out tomorrow. My dad had a spell of 16/17 years sober, however my mother passed away in October and unfortunately come boxing day the bereavement and loneliness after myself and my family left led my dad to "fall off the wagon". He has reached out to AA himself and made contact just a couple of weeks ago which is fantastic, saying that I will probably have my dad stay with me for a few days at least to try and prevent relapse. I'm struggling to make contact with an AA support person who could at least be a port of contact/listening ear for my dad and even escort him to meetings whilst he is staying with me. Is there anyone on here that could point me in the right direction please? I live in Dundee x

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PaigeB
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by PaigeB »

Welcome cmcd.

For links to AA nearly anywhere in the world http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

And for yourself there is a program called Alanon. For the friends and family of the alcoholic. Your father will have to make his way through this journey and you can go through your own by meeting up with the folks at Alanon. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/find-a-meeting

For both of those sites the links will take you closer and closer to your area. Most of the sites will have phone numbers you can call to talk people in your area or find a meeting in your town. There your dad will meet support people, one that he might even chose as his sponsor.

Good luck... keep coming and invite your dad to come here too! We are open 24/7!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

Robert R
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Re: How to pick a sponsor

Post by Robert R »

HI, cmcd and welcome. There are around 30 meetings weekly in and around Dundee. For locations/times and some phone numbers Google "AA Meetings Dundee" I am just up the road in Aberdeenshire and have been to several meetings in Dundee over the years. Just ask away if you have anymore questions.

Best Regards,
Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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