Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

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Mudruck
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Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by Mudruck »

Should the fact that my wife thinks stopping should be just that. Decided to stop and do it. She quit coke as a teen, cigarettes in early twentis. She said it was easy.
I have been a drinker for 39 years. Some years worse then others. Always functional. Tried to stop many times. For me it is not "easy". How do I even discuss this with her knowing that she really believes it is all "will power?

4thDimension
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by 4thDimension »

Getting sober isn't for people who need it. It's for people who want it. Most of all for people who live it.

Cocaine recovery is not the same as alcohol recovery. Neither are pharmaceuticals, pot, whatever. They are all different.

People are different from one another too. We are different from one another physically, mentally, spiritually, and our families are also different.

So her experiences should not be compared to yours.

Read The Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book, go to a meeting on this section or listen to a Joe & Charlie study tape on The Doctor's Opinion. Then let your significant other read the same chapter. See if she doesn't agree.

They always told me "Getting sober is difficult, but it's simple". The difficult part was the resistance I put up to accepting my alcoholism, that is where all of the pain is. Once you accept the situation and quit trying to fight the battle (surrender to win) then it gets much easier. Good luck.

Robert R
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by Robert R »

Took me a while to realise that in my journey what non alcoholics choose to believe is irrelevant. My own mind created enough false barriers to sobriety without help thank you very much :lol: It was only my ego that wanted everyone to know how hard it was for me and to seek out approval. Was suggested to me that I had enough to do changing my own thinking without worrying about anyone else's. Over 7 years on, I'm glad I accepted the suggestion.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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PaigeB
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by PaigeB »

I have a disease. My husband does not and he was able to quit after a particularly ugly incident in his 20's. But my disease of alcoholism is different than his heavy drinking. It is different ~ period. Easy for her, not easy for you. Different.

If you are an alcoholic like me, I can tell you that AA was the last house on the block for me and thank goodness there were plenty of light and lots of laughter. I was welcomed by shaky hands and firm assertions that I could have light & love & laughter too. So I stayed. Haven't had a drink since then!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Niagara
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by Niagara »

This is common it seems...but those who can just stop, have no real need of a program. I had no power against alcohol so I needed a power, which I got access to as a result of taking the steps.

Someone who has the power to stop doesn't need to do that. My Father just stopped and now moderates his drinking. He's fine...heavy drinker, not full blown alcoholic like me. I TRIED to do it that way, and it didn't go so well. All that happened was I felt like a failure. Why couldn't I moderate too? Answer was because I was different to him...but just as I couldn't understand the difference at first, neither could he and he doesn't understand the need for AA. That's ok. I understand the need for AA...life or death for this alcoholic :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

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whipping post
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by whipping post »

My wife doesn't have any concept of the powerlessness of alcoholism. I don't even try to discuss it, AA, or any other aspect of it with her. I just try to focus on sobriety.

Mudruck
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

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I think that AA and my wife will be a conflict at times. To early to tell. I work 8 day way in a 3 person camp. (Not a dry camp) and have 6 days home. Camp sober is easier for me, busy all day tired at night.
Home is where I get tested, I tend to withdraw from people when I get off the booze. This turns into an issue with wife.
I am going to go to meetings and take it day to day.

Mudruck
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by Mudruck »

Day 8
I think I might have gotten it wrong about wife. She has been reading up on AA. She is encouraging me to go to meetings, as often as I can.

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PaigeB
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by PaigeB »

GOOD! Dive right in! "Stay in the middle of the herd" they told me! Keep on coming back - it really works when I work it!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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whipping post
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by whipping post »

That's great to hear Mudruck! That's some of the best support she can give. Take advantage of it.

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avaneesh912
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by avaneesh912 »

How do I even discuss this with her knowing that she really believes it is all "will power?
Initially there was this denial but later on she saw the powerlessness in other relatives from my side and hers. So far 4 have croaked, 2 from my side and 2 from hers, my brother died before I entered AA back in 94. One just 6 months ago. Absolutely no doubt her mind about powerlessness now. What helped also was she did a program called "inner awakening" now its 12k then it was just 6K and she came out of it with so much gratitude and today she wants to be part of a 12 step program and she is consider OA. 2nd year of my journey was the toughest for me, where she got negative ideas from few sites that bash AA and did not want me to be part of AA at all. But I stood ground and my counsellor helped me too and was firm that I needed AA.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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clouds
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by clouds »

Hi Mudruck,

I was happy to read how things have been going along for you at home with your wife!

The support from her is wonderful, and she even is reading the AA book! :)
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.

Mudruck
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by Mudruck »

Home life has been good. Wife supportive and encouraging. I have been going to meetings. I don't share with her much about my day to day struggles.
I also don't share the details of the specifics of A.A. Wife has no belief in a higher power. I am still getting in touch with mine. I am open and willing to believe in a power greater then myself. Still working on turning over my will.

But to clarify wife isn't reading the BB.

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Brock
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by Brock »

That's good news, didn't really expect anyone's spouse to read that book, it's hard enough to read as an alcoholic who needs the information. I think most of us don't get into specifics, my wife just asks if it was a good meeting and I say yes, but the support and encouragement is great, all the best as you continue moving forward.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Tosh
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Re: Trying sober again...Wife thinks it should be easy

Post by Tosh »

Mudruck wrote: But to clarify wife isn't reading the BB.
That's not a bad thing. Early in sobriety I asked my partner to read To Wives. It really annoyed the heck out of her, all that "treat him as if he were a sick man". Her eyes welled up with tears and she ripped into me.

I wouldn't advise anyone to ask their spouses to read To Wives. :lol:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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