18 Days Sober and Counting

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Cynbad
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18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Cynbad »

Greetings All!

I never dreamt I would have been able to achieve 18 Days sober. I have the will of a Sherman Tank when I want to achieve something, but since 2007 alcohol defeated me. Now though, something has mentally changed me, but this change is even deeper. When I asked my Higher Power for help something so light and subtle changes that I cannot define it's dimension or scope. All I can say is that I felt and still feel, hope. I am unable to attend meetings Monday through Thursday due to work (BTW, just a suggestion, but I bet a lot of folks could use late night or early morning AA meetings), so I listen to speaker audios one after another and try to stay busy doing my Steps. Personally, I have found nothing to replace a face-to-face meeting, though. Although I still haven't tried an e-AA meeting. Now I crave meetings! I have such a dread that one false step could land me back where I was 19 days ago that I can't stop listening to and reading the Bog Book and other AA materials. Thanks AA and all of you caring and supportive AA friends.

For anyone who thinks they will never again see 24 hours sober, I can PROMISE you that there is hope. Just be "open" to AA.

Cynbad
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Cynbad »

I forgot to mention that Big Book study speakers are fantastic AND fascinating. I started with "Joe and Charlie", who are great for beginners, and have found many others.

Stepchild
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Stepchild »

Cynbad wrote:I forgot to mention that Big Book study speakers are fantastic AND fascinating. I started with "Joe and Charlie", who are great for beginners, and have found many others.
I agree. You're doing great Cynbad....Keep doing it.

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PaigeB
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by PaigeB »

Good stuff! Craving meetings - who would have thought it? One of my big fears while drinking and thinking about quitting was that I would have to go to these meetings forever! Turns out they are the bright spot of my day. The people in them, no matter what meetings I go to, are people who truly care.

So glad to hear you are on the road to true recovery!
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

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Chelle
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

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Robert R
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Robert R »

Great stuff Cynbad, Yet again you have brought a smile to this old mans face. As to early morning/late night meetings perhaps once you get to know more members in your local area and establish a need for such you could get together with a few others and start one. Just something to keep in mind for the future maybe. Right now results show you are doing the right things to be sober today so keep right on doing them.

Many miles away, yet with you in spirit,
Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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Tosh
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Tosh »

Cynbad wrote:Personally, I have found nothing to replace a face-to-face meeting, though. Although I still haven't tried an e-AA meeting. Now I crave meetings!
Eventually, when you've heard someone like me, share the same kind of things, week-in-week-out, you'll bore of them and they'll start to lose some of their power. Those folk who you thought were spiritual giants will turn out to be quite human, with faults and they'll do and say things that'll annoy you.

My suggestion would be to find a sponsor and do the steps; they'll help protect you from annoying people like me, and of course, from yourself. :lol:

True.

Well done on the 18 days; it's lovely to wake up without a hangover in a dry bed. But even then, that novelty will wear off. :shock:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

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avaneesh912
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by avaneesh912 »

I forgot to mention that Big Book study speakers are fantastic AND fascinating. I started with "Joe and Charlie", who are great for beginners, and have found many others.
I have heard few other workshops but they are the best. How they take us through from the first page all the way through. I remember early in my recovery, I would listen to these all the time and would giggle at the jokes, it would drive my wife crazy. I don't know which one gave me the drive to keep listening, but I did. Even now I hear them say "Every day we procrastinate doing our inventory is a day closer to drink"
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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Niagara
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Niagara »

Good to hear from you Cynbad, and glad to hear it's going well for you :) Can't add to what anyone else has said, so I'll just keep cheering you on from the sidelines!
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Ms. Cold »

Cynbad, your a true inspiration. Today I would have been starting on my 7th day of sobriety but I messed up last night so I'm back to day one and trying to get through 24 hours again. I'm so disgusted in myself and frustrated and angry and feeling a bit lost at the moment...but I've read your posts, from the first one you posted in October to now. Reading about your progression and experience gives me so much hope starting out with this...the fear and the desperation to overcome this and the searching for answers and help. I just wanted to say thank you for your posts and the hope you give through them, even your struggles. I hope that not long I can be where you are at now.
Thank you.
-Megan

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Tosh
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

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Ms. Cold wrote:Cynbad, your a true inspiration. Today I would have been starting on my 7th day of sobriety but I messed up last night so I'm back to day one and trying to get through 24 hours again. I'm so disgusted in myself and frustrated and angry and feeling a bit lost at the moment...but I've read your posts, from the first one you posted in October to now.
Hi Megan,

The Big Book teaches a lot about what the word 'powerless' really means in the context of our alcoholism, but one thing I found from my relapses was what it meant to me at a heart level (rather than at an intellectual 'book level').

And you'll often hear people sharing about having a '1st Step experience'. Nothing is wasted in recovery (they also say; I'm full of cliches tonight), you've hopefully had a learning experience, though that might not seem like it tonight.

I don't know where you are with regards your recovery, but I found getting to meetings, finding a homegroup, doing service, finding a sponsor and going through the 12 Steps invaluable to living a sober - and happy - life.

I don't want to be just 'not drinking', I want to be happy and sober.

Happy trudging,

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Robert R
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Robert R »

There you go Cynbad, What greater gift can you give than hope to a still suffering alcoholic. Please keep sharing and offering that hope to others my friend.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

Cynbad
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Cynbad »

WOW! Thank you ALL for your support and encouragement.

And greetings Megan,

Please try not to beat up on yourself. I couldn't get 24 hours sober for years, and I've spent a lot of time hating myself as well. I suppose it was when I started drinking in the morning that I finally began to realize how desperate and hopeless I was. Even though I was drunk when I went and didn't even realize it, it was my first AA meeting that started turning things around. I did nothing but walk through the AA door and the people there did the rest. They didn't care that I was drunk. People surrounded me, and I walked out with phone numbers that I had no idea what to do with. I was drunk again by the next afternoon. I hated myself for it and truly believed there would be no hope for me.

Maybe it was because I was feeling such a drunken despair that my pride finally took a backseat. I picked up my cell and began to call those numbers. I'm still hazy on what happened and how, but three AA members scooped me up from the street in front of my house and poured me in their car, bought me a coffee to go and drove me to a meeting. I was obviously drunk, but people at the meeting were so accepting. I recall so many people shaking my hand and welcoming me. I knew they were genuine. Someone even bought me a Big Book and I can't even remember who!

I've never had a particular problem with my own version of a Higher Power, but I didn't give the idea much credibility for helping me to stop drinking. Nor did I believe any Higher Power was or would be interested in whether or not I drank. I came home from that meeting and took two giant swigs off my vodka bottle (that I lied to the AApeople about having), and blacked out.

It is now 19 days later and I had absolutely NO idea that would be my last drink. I just happened to be off work for the week and I spent several days detoxing, but I had also promised one of the women who picked me up the night before that I would call her the next day to let her know I was okay. I swallowed my pride, called again, and so began daily meetings and time spent with these people on a daily basis. E-AA was crucial and I hung on to my iPad as if it were life itself. I couldn't wait to write and read responses. I read and tried to follow most of the suggestions I recieved. A day or so later the same woman who asked me to call her after my second AA meeting became my sponsor. Then began working the steps, which to me was a pleasure as I had someone who without expectation or judgment, was interested in listening to and getting to know me. I have barely begun to know who thre real me actually is, but I'm learning one moment at a time.

I had hard withdrawal pains, physically but especially psychologically. I am just getting to the point where I don't think about drinking in the spare moments when I'm not on e-AA, listening to AA speakers online (this is how I spend most all of my alone time), going to meetings, working, or doing other AA-related things. I know there are so many things I need to do such as really getting a good idea of my Higher Power, but I feel such freedom when not drinking that I spend most of my time just realizing that I am not drunk!

I don't know what you are going through Megan, but I PROMISE you that this AA thing really works. Whatever happened psychologically or externally in your life for you to start drinking again, I can also promise you that there is HOPE. I look forward to going back and reading your posts, and to reading your posts in the future. I do hope you can stop shaming yourself. I know how horrible that feels.

Warmly,
Cynbad

Robert R
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by Robert R »

Thank you Cynbad.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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tyg
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Re: 18 Days Sober and Counting

Post by tyg »

Way to go Cynbad....

It works when we work it. I have yet to see this program fail for anyone who thoroughly follows this path!! Thank you for sharing and letting us know how you are doing :D
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

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