Struggling 23 year old coming to realization Im an addict

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dloren4
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Struggling 23 year old coming to realization Im an addict

Post by dloren4 »

Im a 5th year graduating in Petroleum Engineering in May. I go to LSU a very big party school and joined the fraternity scene. I came from a very christian home mostly coming from my mother. My dad was a christian but didn't instill it in us as much as my mom. At 14, I caught my dad with another woman. It hurt me very bad especially knowing that my mom, a devout christian, had this happen to her. I told my mother thinking it was the right thing to do. In high school, I had low self esteem and bad anxiety. I started taking lexapro at 17 through my first year of college. When I was a sophomore I was off lexapro. I met a girl and took her on a date. She was crazy and abused drugs herself. After the date she told me she just wanted to be friends. It upsetted me badly for the next 8-9 months. I was stupid and fell in love with someone who was very mentally ill. My junior year I was prescribed adderal to help my grades since they were dropping. I started snorting it before the bar and blacking out. I would bring home girls a lot. I got knocked out in a fight and spent 2 days in the ICU with a brain hemmorage. I still didn't think I had a problem. I thought this is how every frat guy at a major southern university was like. I continued to drink heavily without adderal. I dropped to a 2.95 overall GPA end of my junior year and my parents told me you have to have a 3.0 by next semester or you'll be cutoff. I ended up getting it to a 3.0. Beginning of senior year I had 2 weeks before school started to hang out. I went out 8 times and spent way too much money because I was stressed by my parents to be perfect and get a great GPA in a very difficult major, Petroleum Engineering. My parents forced me to come home. I came back spring '15. I got a great GPA but started to take way more vyvanse because it helped me to get those grades. I still was a bad drunk. I'd get in fights with friends and make an ass out of myself. End of that spring '15 I became very lonely. My roommates moved out and I lived by myself for 2 months in June and July. I now live with 2 strangers. Im lonely because I feel I don't have many true friends besides a handful. I feel Im lonely cause I don't have a girlfriend. I've spent the last 3 years chasing random girls looking for flings that I don't know how to get in a relationship. I feel lonely being too old to be in college at 23. I don't have any DUI's and managed to wiggle my way out of 3 encounters with cops that could've been serious. Im in a in patient rehab. The people there are heroine, meth addicts who have multiple DUI's. Im scared because I know I have a problem but after a couple weeks of being sober I convince myself that I'm like every other 23 year old frat guy at LSU and I don't have a problem looking at the other in patient rehab patients. I feel at times Im being brainwashed that I'm going to eventually be on a path where I do serious drugs and will have massive problems. Whether this be true or not, I would really like honest opinions from y'all. Thank you.

Reborn
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Re: Struggling 23 year old coming to realization Im an addic

Post by Reborn »

Some of the best advice I got when I came to AA was..."Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides" What I've learned of alcoholism is its not how much we drank or how much trouble we got into its how we feel when we are not drinking. Don't get me wrong here I know if I drink any alcohol at all I react a lot different than others but my main problem is the ISM(I, Self, Me) In AA we get to the core of the issue...alcohol is but a symptom of our disease. I remember feeling the same way you do when I got here...I never got arrested....never lost my family....never killed anyone...but those are definitely yets that I'm still eligible for. My suggestion is get a Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous...read the first 60 pages at least and look for similarities...I'm sure if you do that you may be able to diagnose yourself as one of us. Just food for thought you are in your present circumstance for a reason...no one accidentally winds up in rehab :D
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132

No.3
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Welcome! Make the call, if you want...

Post by No.3 »

I go to Young People AA meetings, but I'm not "young" anymore. Most of the guys I sponsor are about 22-25yo tho, and your struggle sounds familiar. I also went to an SEC school a million years ago, and we had a small meeting on campus, once a week. You might call your local Central AA office for up-to-date meetings near your campus or appt?

AA Central Office, Shreveport. Mon-Fri: 8:00 am - 5:00 pm
2800 Youree Dr, Shreveport, LA 71104 (318) 865-2172

For tonight - "Don't drink!" My plan is to hit the pillow sober tonight. Try that? Tomorrow's plan can be
1) going to a meeting and
2) getting a few phone numbers of guys who sound like they're on track w/recovery.
3) See when/where the local YP meetings are, make the date(s).

p.s. I also identify as an addict; I recommend NA for any addict who finds the language/attitude of AA too confining, but honestly, most YP-AA meetings will be kids with pretty similar experiences to yours. I try to identify, not compare: not everyone has had the opportunity to go to college like I did, and some people had much worse drug-related experiences. Listen for their tips to stay clean, one day at a time...

It only works if you work it. Good luck man!
"The Group demands total loyalty to the inner group. Some have had to leave the movement because of the Groups' demands which conflict with truth or duty." The Oxford Groups by Herbert H. Henson, 1933, pages 73-74.

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Niagara
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Re: Struggling 23 year old coming to realization Im an addic

Post by Niagara »

Hey Dloren,

I can't predict the future sadly. If I could, I wouldn't have ended up the wreck I did.

What I can say is how it worked for me.

I always had a feeling of being 'apart from'. I could feel alone in a crowded room. Anxiety and depression...years of it. Various meds, therapies, hospitalizations even... still ended up housebound.
I also really struggled with not having a partner....indeed, over the course of my life the longest I was alone for was a month or so at the most. I hopped from one thing to the next, in order to just feel whole.

Alcohol became my solution. When not drinking, I was irritable, restless, discontent. I felt like I just didn't fit in my own skin, or in this world...and then I'd drink and it was like something magical happened. Trouble is, as an alcoholic, once I started to drink, I couldn't really stop or moderate, which led me to some dicey situations. Those dicey situations would lead me to make the decision to stop, and at first I could do that...I could resist. Sooner or later though, my mind would lead me right back to taking a drink. In the end that was sooner rather than later. I lost all defense against it. Didn't want to drink, couldn't seem to stop it. When I wasn't drinking, I was miserable. It was HARD. Life was a battle I just couldn't face. My mind wouldn't shut up, racing thoughts, paranoia, fear. Unbearable. The only thing that made me feel right was taking a drink...and once I started, I couldn't stop and on, and on it went.

I found my solution in AA...the 12 steps. When I worked those with a guide (a sponsor) and continue to work them, what I found was I CAN live sober, and not only live sober, I can enjoy it too. I thought quitting drink was the end of my life, when really, with the steps, it was just the beginning. It doesn't have to be unbearable. The obsession to drink was removed, I feel just fine in my own skin, I'm working now, able to go anywhere I choose, talk to anyone I please.

From a woman who couldn't function at all, even answer the door, and couldn't get through a day without a few bottles to shut my mind up, my life has been transformed drastically.

If the cycle of once you start you can't stop, once you stop you can't seem to stay stopped, despite your best intentions, and life is unbearable without drink (or some other substance) because you just don't feel right in your own skin, you may find the 12 steps of great help to you.

I understand the 'you're a couple of weeks off it and you think everythings ok'...I really do. Alcoholism is the only disease that lies to us. It lies so well, it almost killed me.

It's worth getting to a meeting, when you can - listen to what they've got to say. We also have a basic text that you can read from. The chapters 'the doctors opinion, there is a solution, and more about alcoholism' are particularly good at describing what this is. You can find that free online by googling 'AA big book online'.

It is possible to get to a better place with this disease...very possible, if you're willing to go to any lengths to do it.

There is also an organization called 'narcotics anonymous' for the drug issues you talk about. The program of recovery I believe is the same, though you are likely to find others who can identify with the drug issues too

Best wishes, I hope you find your answers here :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

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ezdzit247
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Re: Struggling 23 year old coming to realization Im an addic

Post by ezdzit247 »

Hi dloren4

I totally agree with all of Reborn's suggestions.

You have a great opportunity to identify your problems and review your options for solutions in a safe, sober environment for a few weeks. I urge you to take full advantage of that opportunity and make a decision to use the time as wisely as you can.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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tyg
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Re: Struggling 23 year old coming to realization Im an addic

Post by tyg »

These are the, "Yets" we talk about in recovery. Alcoholism doesn't care if a person lives in a box or on Park Avenue. Whether one is a physicist busy splitting atoms or panhandling for change on the streets. It just doesn't care who We are: Job or no job, female, male or child; alcoholism ruins lives at different speeds. It doesn't even matter if one drinks daily or once a month, consumes 1 case or 3 cans of beer. It is a progressive illness that gets worse never better.

I had to look at what drinking was doing to me & my life. How was it affecting Me not others. I thought about the opportunities that I almost lost or discarded altogether. The abilities that have been given me and how I had wasted them due to liquor. When I did that, I started seeing how powerless I am over alcohol. Realizing, even when I promised myself I would not drink...eventually, I always did. The bad things caused by my drinking never was enough to ensure I would keep my promises.

If that 1st drink was never consumed, I would never get drunk. Drink #1 causes all the problems because I never know when I am going to drink too much...it is out of my control to choose every time for this person who can not stay stopped in the first place.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

4thDimension
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Re: Struggling 23 year old coming to realization Im an addic

Post by 4thDimension »

Hi dloren4,

I was 21 or 22 years old when I started popping in at AA meetings. I transferred to LSU for a while, and loved that school - beautiful campus. Even showed up at a couple of my fraternity's parties.

I got sober, finally at 27. I am soo glad I'm sober. It's a good life. I wish I could have done it at 22, it would have saved me a lot of pain, physical trauma, relationships, on and on. We can lose a great deal in a year or two of drinking. It's a progressive disease, so if you have it, it will only get worse (often quickly for young people) until you reach one of the 3 outcomes; institutionalization, death, or recovery. (There isn't a fourth choice that allows you to become a social drinker).

Our book says that we must admit complete defeat to alcohol. <check!> We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity (eliminate the idea that we can drink like other people) <check!> Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to that power (by working the rest of the steps) <check! and working on it!>

This is a "save your own ass" program. Don't you want to?

Db1105
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Re: Struggling 23 year old coming to realization Im an addic

Post by Db1105 »

Welcome!

I sobered up one month short of my 18th birthday. the only reason I went to rehab was to stay out of jail. I had most of the "yets", jails, institutions, and a couple of overdoses that almost killed me, but I still thought I could work things out on my own terms after rehab. It took me six more months of insanity before I finally surrended.

With the 12 steps and Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous (and NA), I will be marking my 38th year clean and sober at the end of the month. Not drinking has not kept me from doing anything in life other than not drinking. Though I know I can always go out and drink again, I can't be sure I could stop again.

Rehab is rehab, make sure to get to AA meeting once you get out, I bet you find others in your own age grout willing to help, along with the old farts who saved my life.

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