Can't stop drinking

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.
TrishD
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2008 9:32 pm

Can't stop drinking

Post by TrishD »

I was sober for several years and then moved cross country to a very isolated area. It was for a guy of course. I have mental health problems and there are very few treatment options here. I started drinking again. I reached out for help and someone kind from e-AA who barely knew me but we were facebook friends helped me through the first night. I haven't made it through the second night and am scared to tell him because I am all alone and sad and am scared he will stop talking to me. My boyfriend is at work. I'm very isolatedhere. I need AA now and there is only one meeting here a week. No one socialized before or after the meeting and no phone numbers where exchanged. I think I am doomed until alcohol kills me or something else does. To be honest death seems best at this point.

Lali
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 4296
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by Lali »

Hi, Trish. Good for you on the first 24 hours. That's how we do it, one 24 hours at a time! I think the first one is the hardest!! Have you tried calling your local AA helpline? They may have numbers for women who can call you and perhaps someone can come over and talk to you. Google, "Alcoholics Anonymous, your city, your state". If they can't get you hooked up with someone, come back and let me know.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

User avatar
leejosepho
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1885
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:55 am
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
Contact:

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by leejosepho »

I had to drop the shovel and stop trying to dig myself out of the pit as well as to stop trying to survive while living within it, Trish. So, this might be a great time to begin praying as if our lives depend upon doing so. Being doomed to an alcoholic death is something many of us have faced, and recovery by taking the Steps can bring an end to life as we have known it without being painful at all.

Do you still have a copy of our book?
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

Lali
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 4296
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by Lali »

If you do not have a big book you can read it online. Simply google Alcoholics Anonymous text. There's plenty of reading material between the forums here and the Big Book.

We haven't heard back from you, so hopefully your local AA helpline hooked you up with some people. (The boards here are often slow on weekends in case you are wondering).
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

TrishD
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2008 9:32 pm

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by TrishD »

I tried calling the local hotline. It connected me with a woman who is almost an our away. It's oretty rural here. I tried calling her but got her voicemail. I ended up drinking and the people who were trying to help stopped. I'm a hopeless alcoholic.

User avatar
leejosepho
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1885
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:55 am
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
Contact:

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by leejosepho »

Are you willing and/or able to believe God as you might or might not understand God can provide some kind of relief better than alcohol?
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

TrishD
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2008 9:32 pm

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by TrishD »

God has not provided any type relief. Only alcohol or drugs as.

User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
Posts: 8710
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by PaigeB »

AA was the last house on the block for me. I didn't go because I wanted to, I went because I wanted to live more than to die a long lonely ugly alcoholic death. I always found a way to get drunk and after a few false starts, I found a way to not drink, by using the AA program and its people.
Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them. page 124 BB

Robert R
Forums Contributor
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2015 1:53 am
Location: Aberdeenshire, Scotland

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by Robert R »

Thank you for reaching out Trish. Be assured that there are prayers being said for you right now. Keep responding here and help us to get to know you better. We have all been where you are and reached out ourselves. Together we are stronger in AA than alone outside AA.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

User avatar
tyg
Forums Contributor
Posts: 479
Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:34 pm

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by tyg »

Welcome TrishD, glad you are here...

If you are not under doctor's care...Please, get a Doctor to treat your health issues ASAP. Untreated mental health prevents recovery and ability to get well. When health issues are addressed and moving through the 12 Steps with a recovered alcoholic, then begin helping others... You will find freedom and a new happiness. It is not too late for you.

Since you only have 1 weekly meeting, I say.. go to that meeting and ask the members there how to make it your home group and get a service position. Arrive at the meeting early to help set up and socialize; stay late to do the same. You be the one to reach out your hand and socialize with the members, don't expect them to do it to you. Talk with them, be honest of your struggles and ask them for help and meet for coffee outside of the meeting, etc. When no one can, don't take it personally. Keep coming back and keep asking. The paycheck comes in the action of going to any length to recover.

Coming back from relapse seems to get harder & harder. But you can recover. If you ask, God will give you strength and help you. Be patient if God doesn't seem to answer right away, it rarely comes when "we think" it should. When we are well, we will find that God always does what we could not do for ourselves.

Getting sober again, I didn't have a car for 9 months. I had to ride the bus and take my bike on it. Meeting my sponsor weekly to get through steps, took 4 hours, just in travel time. I rode my bicycle and/or took the bus to go to meetings too. Talk about a pain in the butt...I did it anyway. I did all those things I suggested to you. Though I was scared, overwhelmed and didn't want to do them....I ask God for help, and the power to do whatever is needed always comes.

Look forward to reading more of you. Please don't be a stranger and come back often to share some more.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~

User avatar
Niagara
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1074
Joined: Sun Jul 06, 2014 5:38 am

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by Niagara »

TrishD wrote:God has not provided any type relief. Only alcohol or drugs as.

Hey Trish, welcome to E-AA.

Simply praying won't rid you of the obsession, unfortunately - we have to put actions in to get close to a God of our understanding. Prayer is a part of that, but there's more to be done too. That's why we have 12 steps.

The first part of that is understanding WHY we keep on drinking, when we know it's going to kill us, it's bringing those around us and ourselves nothing but misery and pain, and yet we carry on. Don't want to, can't seem to stop it.

You say you were sober, is that just stopping drinking, or did you have a program?

Prior to hitting AA, I was a bit of a mess. My life was threaded through with depression, anxiety, absolute misery. All my life from being a kid, I never felt like I fitted in anywhere. Not with my family, and I found it hard to make friends. I always felt 'apart from'. I took my first drink at 13. And THEN I fit in. It was like the missing part of the puzzle. As you say, only alcohol or drugs could bring some relief. Drugs didn't do it for me, so I'm not dual addicted, but I tried them. Anything to take that feeling away of not feeling good in my own skin.

Over the years, my drinking binges got worse. I didn't realize I had a physical problem with booze too. Once I start, I find it really hard to moderate or stop. The 1 or 2 I'd intended to have ended up in passing out most times. I'd wake up the next day, and think, 'oh crap, not again'. Then I'd swear off. Early days, I could swear off for quite a while, but those feelings of not fitting in, not feeling quite right, would get stronger over time, and my brain would tell me 'take a drink, it'll make you feel better'. and then I'd drink, 'just one or two' mind, I'd say, just to take the edge off. Several hours later, I was comatose again. The cycle of swear off, feel antsy, feel antsier, find it hard to ignore that voice in my mind, drink, comatose, swear off.....etc etc - that cycle got shorter. In the end, I was barely making it through the day. And I wouldn't be stopping till the later hours of early morning.

That cycle I've outlined above, it was killing me. Alcoholism. I'd try to stop, but the way my mind worked, and the feelings I had when I wasn't drinking....it was a mess. I was suicidal. I was suicidal when I landed in E-AA, too.I could make the decision to stop, far easier than I could actually stay stopped. Powerless to stay stopped alone. I needed a power greater than myself...which is where the steps came in. The process of the steps got me access to a power greater than myself. I call it God.

By taking 12 steps (had to put the drink down on willpower to get started - tough days, I feel your pain. It was nightmarish, and I don't think I would have been able to do it without knowing there was a solution out there.....all these folks had done it, why couldn't I? ) Anyway, by taking 12 steps, one at a time, the obsession to drink has been removed. God removed it for me...but I had to take the steps to get there. This program gives more than that though...it shows me how to live sober. Something I was never very good at. Simply not drinking, was hell on earth. This is a better way.

Alcoholism is more than just drinking too much and getting into all sorts of trouble. It's more about why can't we live without it? It's not because we're weak, or have no willpower. On the contrary, I'm as stubborn minded as they come....with everything except quitting drinking. That never served me well there. We have to deal with what lies at the root of it all....that never feeling quite right. That right there, is a spiritual problem. A spiritual problem needs a spiritual solution. When we straighten out spiritually, the rest of it naturally falls into place. No obsession, no need to drink. Because I can't drink....one or two never stays that way. My body just doesn't handle alcohol well.

As others have said, a doctor is necessary for the mental health stuff...but no doctor or therapist could relieve me of my alcoholism. Believe me, I tried :shock:


Feel free to pm me, at any time.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

User avatar
avaneesh912
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 5307
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by avaneesh912 »

Hey Trish welcome,
I just want to add a little to what Niagara has so beautifully talked about how to recover from this vicious cycle.

What you went through yesterday is what our book would call it "the queer mental twist" its the powerlessness the book talks about with various examples. Prime one is the car sales man and the accountant stories in "more about alcoholism". If you get a chance try to read it.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

2granddaughters

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by 2granddaughters »

TrishD wrote:I was sober for several years and then moved cross country to a very isolated area. It was for a guy of course. I have mental health problems and there are very few treatment options here. I started drinking again. I reached out for help and someone kind from e-AA who barely knew me but we were facebook friends helped me through the first night. I haven't made it through the second night and am scared to tell him because I am all alone and sad and am scared he will stop talking to me. My boyfriend is at work. I'm very isolated here. I need AA now and there is only one meeting here a week. No one socialized before or after the meeting and no phone numbers where exchanged. I think I am doomed until alcohol kills me or something else does. To be honest death seems best at this point.
How did you get/stay sober "for several years" ?
Why did you abandon it ?
Why did you not build on it?

You realize that untreated alcoholism allows us to dig ourselves into a deep hole .. to paint ourselves into a corner.


"No one socialized before or after the meeting and no phone numbers where exchanged"

That means you didn't reach out. You want them to fix you. You have tell real people how you feel ... not "virtual" people on-line.

You don't need AA now, you have needed it all along.
I strongly suggest you retrace your steps back to some form of sanity/realty and get on from there in AA.

Get the help you need... don't make excuses why you can't.

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf
AA isn't for those that need it, AA is for those that DO IT.

I wish you the best.

Bob

User avatar
avaneesh912
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 5307
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by avaneesh912 »

Is it possible we are mis-interpretting the "attraction not promotion" which is a policy meant at the level press, radio and films and applying to the people entering our fellowship? Aren't we suppose to reach up to the new-comers?
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

User avatar
Layne
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1794
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2006 7:20 am
Location: British Virgin Islands

Re: Can't stop drinking

Post by Layne »

TrishD wrote:I tried calling the local hotline. It connected me with a woman who is almost an our away. It's oretty rural here. I tried calling her but got her voicemail. I ended up drinking and the people who were trying to help stopped. I'm a hopeless alcoholic.
I used to say the same thing about myself, that I was a hopeless alcoholic. AA proved me wrong.

Call the hotline again. Call the numbers you get again. Keep reaching out as many times as it takes because hands are reaching back. I never stopped at one drink, don't stop at one phone call or one attempt.

Post Reply