Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

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Merl
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Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Merl »

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this entire program and forum. I am currently on my third day of sobriety. I know that doesn't sound like much, but for me it seems like a lifetime. I'm staying focused and keeping myself busy. When I have the urge to have a drink I select something like water, tea, decaf coffee or ginger ale. I then pick up the Big Book and sip my non alcoholic beverage and remain focused. Thank you for this opportunity to share. I hope I did ok.

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leejosepho
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by leejosepho »

Welcome, Merl, and that all sounds great to me!

Our book describes what we call "a sufficient substitute" for alcohol (page 152), so keep reading and ask any questions that come up.
=======================
"We A.A.s do not *stay* away from drinking [one day at a
time] -- we *grow* away from drinking [one day at a time]."
("Lois Remembers", page 168, quoting Bill, emphasis added)
=======================

Merl
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Merl »

leejosepho wrote:Welcome, Merl, and that all sounds great to me!

Our book describes what we call "a sufficient substitute" for alcohol (page 152), so keep reading and ask any questions that come up.
Thank you. That was my first post. As I'm responding to your post, my hands are actually shaking, nervous. I just don't want to mess up this great opportunity. I am so grateful to not have to through this alone.

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ezdzit247
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by ezdzit247 »

Merl wrote:Hi everyone,

I'm new to this entire program and forum. I am currently on my third day of sobriety. I know that doesn't sound like much, but for me it seems like a lifetime. I'm staying focused and keeping myself busy. When I have the urge to have a drink I select something like water, tea, decaf coffee or ginger ale. I then pick up the Big Book and sip my non alcoholic beverage and remain focused. Thank you for this opportunity to share. I hope I did ok.
Hi Meri

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on 3 days of sobriety!

You're doing great! Glad you're reading the Big Book. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have about the AA program or meetings for your area.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Merl
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Merl »

ezdzit247 wrote:
Merl wrote:Hi everyone,

I'm new to this entire program and forum. I am currently on my third day of sobriety. I know that doesn't sound like much, but for me it seems like a lifetime. I'm staying focused and keeping myself busy. When I have the urge to have a drink I select something like water, tea, decaf coffee or ginger ale. I then pick up the Big Book and sip my non alcoholic beverage and remain focused. Thank you for this opportunity to share. I hope I did ok.
Hi Meri

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on 3 days of sobriety!

You're doing great! Glad you're reading the Big Book. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have about the AA program or meetings for your area.

Keep coming back....
Thank you. I'm just finding my way around the forum. I've gotten as far as Newcomers. I downloaded the Big Book onto my Kindle and my iPhone. My iPhone is always with me. So, I figured it would be a good way to have the book with me all of the time. I'm serious about quitting this time. I've never taken these steps before. I am committed to this new journey I am on. Can't wait until I can say I've been sober for a week! I'm doing this for me. I wish Mama would have lived to see this. She passed 4 1/2 years ago. I carry a lot of guilt about that. I had deep set pneumonia for two months - late January through early March of 2011. I got well. She then got pneumonia. She refused medical treatment thinking she just had a cold. On March 25th she collapsed at home. On April 7, after being on life support for nearly 2 weeks, I put her in Gods hands and let her go. Hardest thing I ever had to do. It's been eating me up inside so bad. I wake in the middle of the night second guessing myself and not being able to sleep. I stay awake for hours and nap at the break of dawn for a couple hours. Then I go about my day and up until 3 days ago, would drink before bed to bury my feelings and grief. It just started to take more and more and yet I had the same result. I prayed on it, long and hard. I received an answer...STOP! I know only I can do that for me. So, here I am. Trying one day and sometimes one hour at a time. But I'm doing it. Thank you for letting me share. I appreciate you all.

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Niagara
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Niagara »

Hey Merl,

Welcome to E-AA, good to have you here

Feel free to ask any questions you may have, there's a lot of good recovery around here. This place has been most helpful to me, in my journey :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

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NicMarie
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by NicMarie »

Hi Merl!
I am new to this program and the forums and the whole shebang as well and I think your introduction was splendid. Well done. I hope you find what you are looking for and continue to enjoy the perks of sobriety.
I celebrated thirty days yesterday and I remember those first three to five days sober and oh my goodness was that crap. Keep on keeping on Merl. Keep coming back and work through the shaky hands, it is worth it.
-Nic
"Happiness can be found in even the darkest of times, if one simply knows to turn on the light" -Albus P.W.B. Dumbledore

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Niagara
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Niagara »

Welcome to E-AA nicmarie, good to have you here

Feel free to start your own topic to introduce yourself if you wish :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt

Merl
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Merl »

Wow Nic,

30 days! Congratulations!! I will work on attaining that. Wouldn't that be something. Right now, it almost seems impossible. But I'm on a journey and I don't want to turn back.

Merl

Robert R
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Robert R »

Hi Merl, Glad you found your way here. You have made a good honest start and already congratulating and encouraging another. That speaks well for your attitude and humility.
Welcome friend.

Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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Tosh
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Tosh »

Hi Merl, I remember the early days when I first put down the booze. It wasn't easy; I was torn between not wanting to drink and desperately wanting to drink; I had problems sleeping, in fact I didn't want to go to bed because it felt like I'd just be there in the dark, with my head, torturing myself.

I used various survival strategies, I went to lots of meetings, did some service and immersed myself into A.A.. I posted a lot of barely incoherent stuff on this forum (I later changed my on-line account because my early days embarrassed me, though I'm sure many here would still say I'm still 'incoherent' much of the time :lol: ).

One thing I did do, which really helped me, was when I just knew I was going to drink, when I was just thinking about it and all wrapped up in it, I'd go to a website called XA Speakers and I'd tell myself that I could drink, but first I'd have to listen to a speaker tape there. And then I could drink. Listening to the speaker took my mind off myself and the way I was feeling and gave me a break and by the time the speaker had finished the madness had past somewhat.

Welcome to the forum and I'm really looking forward to reading your progress. We're all rooting for you mate.

Regards

Tosh (an alkie in the UK)
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Merl
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Merl »

Hi Robert,

Thank you for the welcome. Day 5. Didn't think that I'd be saying that but there are so many people here sharing their struggles ( where I'm at right now ) and their successes that I just want to keep trying. To do less than that would be like giving up when I have a cheering section rallying around me to join them. How can you back down? I prayed for this. My spouse said, "You seem to enjoy your E-AA group." I said yes I do. They get it. Not that my spouse is not understanding or supportive. I tried to explain it to my spouse this way: if I went on a trip that you didn't want to on and had no interest in how can I explain the trip to you in such a way that would make you feel with all of your senses that you had been there. There is not only the act of drinking, but it is the physical, emotional, mental and all five senses that are involved. You can't express that to someone and have them feel or sense that if they aren't going through it. My spouse said," I'm glad you came to me first and I'm glad you found people who you can share this with. And I'm glad you're sharing your experiences with me too. I'll help you here too. " How blessed am I? God has something planned for me. I don't know what. But whatever it is, I am grateful for it.

Please stay in touch Robert. I greatly appreciate your words.

Merl
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Merl »

Tosh wrote:Hi Merl, I remember the early days when I first put down the booze. It wasn't easy; I was torn between not wanting to drink and desperately wanting to drink; I had problems sleeping, in fact I didn't want to go to bed because it felt like I'd just be there in the dark, with my head, torturing myself.

I used various survival strategies, I went to lots of meetings, did some service and immersed myself into A.A.. I posted a lot of barely incoherent stuff on this forum (I later changed my on-line account because my early days embarrassed me, though I'm sure many here would still say I'm still 'incoherent' much of the time :lol: ).

One thing I did do, which really helped me, was when I just knew I was going to drink, when I was just thinking about it and all wrapped up in it, I'd go to a website called XA Speakers and I'd tell myself that I could drink, but first I'd have to listen to a speaker tape there. And then I could drink. Listening to the speaker took my mind off myself and the way I was feeling and gave me a break and by the time the speaker had finished the madness had past somewhat.

Welcome to the forum and I'm really looking forward to reading your progress. We're all rooting for you mate.

Regards

Tosh (an alkie in the UK)
Hi Tosh,
Boy, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were writing about me in your first paragraph. It's really hard. But I'm determined to push forward. I've been keeping things close at hand to keep me busy. Mama always said idle hands were the Devils workshop. Well, I've kept him unemployed for five days now. Typing up his dismissal papers! I'll give that website a try. Thank you for sharing that. Keep up the good work on your end too. We'll all tackle this. Mama always said there's safety in numbers. She had a lot of memetable phrases. I call them Momisms. I really miss her. She was awesome. I think she'd be very glad to know I'm here with you all. I wish she would have lived to see this. But, something tells me she knows.
Stay in touch Tosh. Really appreciate you writing to me.

Merl

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Tosh
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Tosh »

Merl wrote:I've been keeping things close at hand to keep me busy.
I've done the same. Early on I heard a Texan priest (who was a member of my homegroup) talk about 'just doing the next right thing that was placed in front of him' and for about two days I ran myself down, doing anything I could. I'd be sitting there, all anxious and a thought would pop into my mind "wash the car" and I'd be washing the car. Then another thought would pop into my mind "go and do...".

Needless to say after two days I was knackered and hacked off (spiritually low) and a thought popped into my head "watch a film!", and so I rested.

If you're anything like me, you'll struggle with finding balance, but that's all part of the course. My sponsor once said to me "Tosh, at two-years-sober you should have some balance in your life by now!" I think I'd just ran a marathon and was talking about doing an ultra marathon at the time. :lol:

I'm still very much all or nothing in a lot of respects, but I've made progress, and that's what matters (not perfection).

Happy trudging.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)

Robert R
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Re: Hi. My name is Merl and I'm an alcoholic

Post by Robert R »

Smiling here. Keeping busy was a tactic I too used. Have now done many of the things that I only dreamt or mused about when alcohol was an insurmountable obstacle to living. Learnt to bake, make jam, garden, got back into fly fishing, and built up collections of vintage lightweight bicycles, vintage sewing machines and vintage fly fishing rods and reels. Quite obsessively in the first couple of years but more balanced now (well a little less obsessive anyway) :roll:
Busy is good, watch out for obsessive though, it gets expensive :lol:
Like many of us I had great dreams that never came to fruition, like touring the west of Scotland on a motorbike. Twice I purchased a bike, bought all the gear only to sell everything to fund my drinking. This week my brand new bike gets delivered. Next summer west of Scotland and the Scottish islands await my adventures. Have route and MEETINGS already planned!
All possible because I surrendered, reached out and many hands in AA reached back to help this old alkie learn to live as my Higher power had always intended for me. The rewards are beyond anything I dared hope for in those early days of white knuckling and confusion. You will get through it and the rewards will be yours too if you give yourself fully and honestly to this simple programme. 'Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path' p58

Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.

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