I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

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PaigeB
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

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It was necessary to delete links, but you can send a Private Message to bigshow8891 by clicking on their username and it is okay to send links that way.

Please see our link policies here:

http://www.e-aa.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=8
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ezdzit247
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

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bigshow8891 wrote:First time posting on this board, although I've been in AA for a year now. I read through this thread and I am bummed to hear that the meetings didn't work out, especially since you are in the KC area. I too am in KC and I guarantee you there are tons of great meetings around here. Depending on how far you want to drive, I know there are meetings in Liberty, St. Joseph, and there's a good AA hall in Atchison across the state line.

Now if you want to drive farther but be guaranteed good meetings several times a day I suggest the group that meets at Unity Temple, near the Plaza. Schedule here: (Link deleted per Forum Policies) Another big group is Nuts & Bolts, in Shawnee. In Overland Park there is a hall on 87th that does over 5 meetings a day. All of the addresses for these meetings can be found on this website: (Link deleted per Forum Policies)

I promise you that the Unity Temple group and 87th street will have their meetings. There are countless other groups in the metro, but I mention these ones specifically because I know they always have good crowds at meetings and they are some of the biggest groups here. You will not show up alone.

Hope you get to a meeting soon.
Hi bigshow and welcome.

Thanks for posting all that great info on meetings in whenley's area.

Question: I couldn't find a list of AA meetings for the Alano Club in St. Jo. Do you have any info on that?

Keep coming back....
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Spirit Flower
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by Spirit Flower »

St Joe has the East Side club. Not alano, just AA.

Unity and anything in Johnson county is a Loooonnnnggg drive from Cameron.
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whenley68
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by whenley68 »

Thanks for all the information everyone, I only hope I can use it.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I mean, everyday I am not going to drink, but then I end up doing it anyways. I really thought I was going to get beyond this, for lack of better words, compulsion. I don't have the shakes, I don't drink and drive, I have a wonderful family, and a really good job. I don't drink until I get home and I am in bed by 9 every night. My drinking window is very narrow. But with this holiday weekend I will admit that everyday I have been starting my drinking at noon and ending at ten or so at night. I do get this weird feeling from time to time, and today I have it. It's like my skin is tingly all over and there is pressure on my chest. As I learned in the past I can drink a half pint real quick or a six pack and it will go away and I feel good again. But I have to work tomorrow and I just can't afford to put this off another day, I just have to suffer through it, take an Ambien and sleep all day. What a F*** life right? I have to stop drinking is all I know, but I just don't have it within me to control it. Have a great memorial day guys.
Will
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Niagara
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

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None of us have it in us to control it. It's why we're here ;)

Forget about all of the good stuff that you still have. What matters is not the outside stuff, but how it is inside you. I looked at the good stuff I had in my life to avoid the fact that I had a real problem for quite a while. 'If I still have my family, husband, house, don't drink in the mornings etc, I can't possibly be an alcoholic', was how my mind translated that. Alcoholism is the only disease that will tell you you don't have it, or it's not that bad.

Alcoholism is progressive, the physical stuff, and all that.....that gets worse. We drink more and more. We drink more often. We start to lose control of the outside stuff too. The best way I can describe it for me was that it was like a tornado, gathering speed, and gathering more crap, and getting bigger, as it went along. No chance of stopping it, by myself. I tried. Like you, I could say I wasn't going to drink, pass a lie detector test....half an hour later, I'd be on my second or third glass.

The only time I ever felt like I fit in my own skin was when I had a drink. I didn't know why that was, I just knew that it was the truth. I could relax somewhat. This was true even from my first drink at the tender age of 13. It felt like coming home.......and had little to do with partying.

So, what to do when you know you need to stop, you're having trouble staying stopped, and the only time you feel normal is when you've got drink inside you? I found my solution in the 12 steps. I don't know the specifics of how it works, the science or lack thereof, but it does work, if I'm willing to put the work in. I believe those steps put me in contact with God. Others have a different take on things, but those 12 steps have worked for a lot of people, regardless of how the 'power greater than ourselves' is interpreted.

My life in 11 months.....at the start, I couldn't answer the phone, couldn't leave the house, was in a bad marriage, couldn't cope with life and sitting on the bed with a knife in my hand, trying to find the courage to end things was becoming a daily habit. Panic attacks were constant. I couldn't sleep for longer than an hour at a time. I couldn't connect even with my children. They would speak, I'd pretend I was listening, but nothing penetrated that wall. I was struggling to even make sure the laundry was done, they'd had showers and food was on the table. I was like a rabbit in headlights, scared of everything.

11 months, 12 steps and a lot of insight and work later, I can go pretty much anywhere. I'd still balk at an olympic sized stadium full of people I think :lol: I am out of that bad marriage. My children and I spend a lot of quality time together. We play games. I went into the town centre and had a shopping day and lunch in a busy restaurant with my daughter at the weekend. I've been to parties. I've been to other cities. I'm making friends. I'm available for my family, should they need me. I work voluntary, and have a trial for paid work on Tuesday. Problems that would have seemed insurmountable a year ago are water off a ducks back, now. I can hold my head up high, and for the most part I feel like I'm ok to be in my own skin. I'm no longer seeking anything from an outside source, only seeking to strengthen my connection with a higher power. Moreover, I don't feel cut off from the human race, and I don't have to act like anyone other than myself these days....how exhausting IS all that. I am in a position to be useful to others, for perhaps the first time in my life. And I'd like to be useful to others, for definitely the first time in my life :oops:

It's a road, a journey, and it's changing all the time. Don't know where it's going, I just know these days I'm happy to continue, instead of wanting out. This stuff really does work. I know I'm not exactly mrs High achiever, but the change in a year within me, is massive indeed (and I know my family would agree)....and I didn't even realize it needed changing when I first got here. My eyes have been well and truly opened. Onwards and upwards. I got a lot of growing to do.

Sponsor, steps, solution :)
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
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whipping post
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by whipping post »

Will,

I could have been the one writing your last post about a year ago. Word for word. It's dang hard to stop the cycle. Being stubborn really helps in the beginning as does making sobriety your number one priority. But for the long haul the answer is in the 12 Steps. I went back and forth for two or three months before I broke down and started working them. They are the key. The alcohol itself is not the real problem. The steps help with the root problem. Best wishes.

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Layne
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by Layne »

whenley68 wrote: I don't know what is wrong with me. I mean, everyday I am not going to drink, but then I end up doing it anyways.
I didn't know what was wrong with me either. Going to meetings I learned what was wrong with me.

Going to meetings didn't stop what was wrong with me. Working the steps did.

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whenley68
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by whenley68 »

I've done very well these past twenty four hours and have managed to not give in to the thought/compulsion to drink. Everytime I have thought about it I have asked myself why I am having the thought. And whatever the reason is I debated it and interestingly enough came to the conclusion that I was lying to myself. I have a choice, I'm not a robot. I can choose not to do something. So today I chose not to drink, I came home, made dinner for the wife and kids, watched some Seinfeld and am taking time now to look inward and build some defenses against those thoughts.
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

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Whenley, if you can't go to meetings, then get yourself an o-line sponsor and start working the steps. It will produce the psychic change needed.

Others here have done it.
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by Lali »

Great Whenley! Sounds like you got it all figured out now on your own despite the pages of suggestions given to you here. I guess you don't need AA after all. If you change your mind, we are always here.
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Step 2: He can
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by Stepchild »

whenley68 wrote:I've done very well these past twenty four hours and have managed to not give in to the thought/compulsion to drink. Everytime I have thought about it I have asked myself why I am having the thought. And whatever the reason is I debated it and interestingly enough came to the conclusion that I was lying to myself. I have a choice, I'm not a robot. I can choose not to do something. So today I chose not to drink, I came home, made dinner for the wife and kids, watched some Seinfeld and am taking time now to look inward and build some defenses against those thoughts.
Not sure if you've read the Big Book or not....But they talk about this on page 24.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.


That was my experience. Those steps supplied that defense. Maybe you can do this on your own.....Maybe not. If it doesn't work out...It's nice to know there is a solution available.

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ezdzit247
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by ezdzit247 »

whenley68 wrote:I've done very well these past twenty four hours and have managed to not give in to the thought/compulsion to drink. Everytime I have thought about it I have asked myself why I am having the thought. And whatever the reason is I debated it and interestingly enough came to the conclusion that I was lying to myself. I have a choice, I'm not a robot. I can choose not to do something. So today I chose not to drink, I came home, made dinner for the wife and kids, watched some Seinfeld and am taking time now to look inward and build some defenses against those thoughts.
Good to hear from you again, Will.

Congrats on 24 hours of sobriety!

That's the way sobriety happens for the rest of us alkies too, one day at a time.

Keep coming back....
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

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whenley68 wrote:I've done very well these past twenty four hours and have managed to not give in to the thought/compulsion to drink. Everytime I have thought about it I have asked myself why I am having the thought. And whatever the reason is I debated it and interestingly enough came to the conclusion that I was lying to myself. I have a choice, I'm not a robot. I can choose not to do something. So today I chose not to drink, I came home, made dinner for the wife and kids, watched some Seinfeld and am taking time now to look inward and build some defenses against those thoughts.
for me i had to try everything i could think of in order to give up drinking, from going to the gym, to taking my kids out to the parks, spending more time doing other things and for a while it might work but the problem was i would always return to the drinking, no matter how much i tried to do other things it just didnt last for long

i would soon end up in heap on the floor drunk again

i was once in a postion like you were i had a wife and kids etc and i never dreamed one day my kids would be removed from my care because i was a falling down drunk, my ex wife is also an alcoholc and still out there drinking today and we both ended up losing our kids as we were not fit to look after them

but it wasnt always like that or we were not bad cruel people its just how much the drinking progressed in our lives, simply because we couldn't give up the drink

anyone in the right mind would stop drinking if they were going to lose there kids wouldnt they ?

this is the powerlessness that is talked about over drink, i was powerless to get off the drink on my own, i needed the help that i found in aa but i was ready for it as i had ran out of ways trying to convince myself i could infact control it

i came to see that for me i just dont have that ability and never did have once i took that first drink it was game over

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whenley68
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by whenley68 »

Thanks ezdi! Yeah, put together 3 days now and am feeling better. I just had some shots in my back that hopefully will help with my back pain I've been having. Supposed to get and MRI scheduled too. Another reason I drank was to try to sleep at night.

So I keep reminding myself that I don't need a drink, that it isn't important. I want to live a better life for myself and achieve some goals. Drinking just sways that line of thought so it isn't conducive to my long term strategy.

Lali, not sure if you try to or not, but you come across as very condescending and presumptuous, I've already got a couple people in my life like that and really don't need another.

As for AA I have been reading the Big Book online and have watched/listened to a couple "speakers" on youtube. And thanks to you good folk I feel like I am getting some things out of my innerds and out on the table. I appreciated your willingness to post back.

Willy
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Re: I HAVE TO STOP DRINKING!!!!!!!!!!

Post by Lali »

I'm sorry if I come across as condescending. As I said in another post, it's really just my form of tough love. I truly want to see you succeed. I want everyone to succeed.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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