Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

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LeesaR
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Location: Chattanooga, TN

Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by LeesaR »

Well, I am here. I went to the AA site and started looking for information. I guess that is a good start.. I have a problem with alcohol and I am about to lose my husband, if I do not stop. I never thought my drinking would get so out of control and I never meant to hurt so many people in the process of getting to this point. I am going to take baby steps...and this was the first one for me. I am still exploring the site and I can relate to so many things people have posted. In each posting I saw myself and things I had done and how my thought process has become jaded and mixed up. I have turned into this person that I do not want to be and I want to be who I was before the alcoholism. Anyway, I am looking forward to the support of people just like me.

Troy M.
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Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by Troy M. »

Welcome Leesa. I'm a relative newcomer as well, but I can say that AA and eAA are great supports. It is difficult to take the first step so congrats on making the search. You can do this!

JohnZ
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Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by JohnZ »

Hey Leesa, thanks for posting. Welcome!

Get to a meeting, check it out. You don't have to say or do anything - just listen. It could save your life. :mrgreen:

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Texan
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Location: Where Else? Texas!

Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by Texan »

Hi LeesaR! I'm so glad you found this site!

I found myself in the same shoes in late '11. It wasn't 'till March of '12 that I had reached the point of losing everything I'd worked so hard for. And I don't mean things like my home or my car, but things that are really important like my family. Like you, I found this site, not long before I put the drink down for good. I started going to meetings and really immersed myself into the program. There were a lot of days I went to more than one meeting a day, and in between came here to read what others that came before had experienced. The long and the short of it is that alcoholics that work the program are the best at helping those of us that honestly want to quit running their lives into the ground.

If you haven't yet, take the time to pick up what we refer to as the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. You can pick it up at a meeting when you go, or you can follow this link http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ to find a free electronic version. I couldn't put it down when I first read it. I continue to refer back to it often.

Again, I'm really happy you found the site and I hope to read more of you soon and often!

Bill aka Texan
Keep on Keeping on, One Day at a Time.

coachdonsul
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Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by coachdonsul »

Welcome Leesa,

Please go check out a meeting. If you want to just sit and not say a word, not even if they ask if there is someone new there, that's really OK.

Keep coming back to this forum and posting your questons and your feelings. Someone is nearly always online and willing to work with you.

Just do this thing One Day At A Time and plan on doing the same thing tomorrow. :D

kenyal
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Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by kenyal »

Hi Leesa, welcome. The person you were before you drank hasn't gone anywhere. When we do what we do drinking a shell develops that is protective, in that it allows our drinking to continue. Deceiving ourselves and others, showing the world what we believe will keep them at bay takes a false front. Inside the shell you've maintained and fortified you are who you honestly are.

So the question becomes how to first stop drinking and then how to get free to be who you really are.

I stopped drinking, which didn't feel good to me. You've probably gone without a drink for a while too and know what that can feel like at the end, before drinking again. Because I wanted to feel better without a drink I began AA in earnest, getting a same-sex sponsor and using his guidance to help myself.

Healing takes a while, but it seems you have the time to do that and good reasons to want to. I hope you will.

Lali
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Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by Lali »

Welcome, Leesa. I love when we get newcomers here. This one act of bravery could change your whole life for the better. There was only one thing that concerned me about you post. You said something about taking baby steps. With this disease of alcoholism, we cannot afford to take baby steps. We must immerse ourselves in the program rather quickly so we don't slip.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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Layne
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Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by Layne »

Welcome Leesa. I was about to lose myself when I finally walked into the rooms of AA. The good news for this alcoholic is that through working the program and steps of AA, and continuing to do so, now with a few years of hindsight, I can honestly say that I like this version of me even better than the before drinking version of me! Glad you are here!

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Hanna
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Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by Hanna »

Hi Leesa, welcome here. This site has beeen a blessing for me, I came here last June feeling much the way you do. I was about to lose my husband and kids because of my drinking. I always thought I could control how much I drank, but I always ended up drinking more than I intended. I made promise after promise that I would stop but I didn't think I really could. My drinking progressed to the point where I lost my job and my license, I never saw that coming because I was in an alcoholic haze most of the time.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it took me a long time to realize that, but when I looked at my life before I began drinking I saw how much my life had changed. I used to be reliable, a good wife and mom, now I was always making excuses. I wasn't really "there" for my husband and kids anymore, I became selfish and self-centered, all I thought about was my next drink.
I came here and read stories of how people got their life back and I wanted that, but I was afraid it was too late for me, I didn't know how I was ever going to get rid of that craving I had for alcohol.
excerpt from the docotr's opinion found in the Big Book.
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
On the other hand—and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand—once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules. (THE 12 STEPS)
There are many situations which arise out of the phenomenon of craving which cause men to make the supreme sacrifice rather than continue to fight.Then there are types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect alcohol has upon them. They are often able, intelligent, friendly people.
All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.

William D. Silkworth, M.D.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I learned here what to do when the urge came, stick around and we will help you do this, you too can have the life you want, and become happy, peaceful and content without having to drink.
By not taking that next drink the craving has disappeared, it seems that once I took one drink I set off the craving for another, it was hard in the begining but I recevied so much support here that I just kept trying. I read the BB, went to meetings and I got my life back, one day a a time. Sending prayers your way, this really does work.
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. .."
Keep posting, Hanna
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

Mike O
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Re: Wow, I can't believe it has come to this...

Post by Mike O »

Hi LeesaR,

Welcome to the forum.
My experience has been that working the 12 steps daily, as suggested in the Big Book, has brought me to a place of peace, where alcohol means nothing to me. I have no desire to drink. Six years ago, if someone had told me that was possible, I'd have totally ignored them as being fools.
You can have this if you want it, by doing like wise.
Someone above has given you a link to the book online. Follow it and start reading.

-Mike :D

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