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Day 2

Posted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:02 pm
by Kellyauk
Well I have finally taken the plunge and admitted I have an alcohol problem. I am currently living in Cyprus and live in a close knit environment so I would not feel comfortable attending local meetings. I have discussed with my husband and he is 100% behind me. I went out on Friday with the girls and really got drunk and don't remember getting home or anything. Was anxious all day yesterday and didn't feel "human" until 7pm! I have been up all night going over all the stupid things I have done drunk! So ashamed!

I have a little girl and she has never seen me drunk, I drink maybe once a fortnight but when I do, more often than not I get drunk! Feel like I can't have a good time without it. My husband has been great and never makes me feel bad although I can see the disappointment in his eyes.

Need to stop, and this time stick to it!

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:42 pm
by jimbo d
Kelly,

When I was drinking (and sometimes sober) I never really cared for the facts, only the feelings. My feelings drove my actions. Much like how your level comfort dictates if you go to a meeting or not. The feelings I had: I did not want to go to a meeting either. The fact was: I was out of ideas and my options were slowly closing behind me. I crawled into a meeting not because I wanted to go, no one wants to go to AA at first. But I had to.... I am going to tell you right now, If you're a real Alcoholic. There is going to come a time where spousal support, and just sticking to it is not going to be enough.

Think about for a moment. You do not want to go to a meeting with a bunch of Alcoholics, because you're uncomfortable that they might find out you're an Alcoholic. And if you're worried that someone in the meeting my tell someone in the community who is not an Alcoholic that you were at the meeting.....that's tough. You can try staying sober without meetings. But I would just keep the information I gave you in mind. If you're the real deal, you may find that not going to meetings is not going to work.

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:51 pm
by Sweeney
Hi Kelly,

My name is Sweeney and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the e-AA forum for me his is a great place to connect with the fellowship when I'm travelling but for me it is not as effective as a face to face meeting. The people who attended the meetings in your community are like me (I'm an alcoholic incase I hadn't mentioned) they are part of a worldwide fellowship whose goal is to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety nothing more. Admitting I was an alcoholic was a big step forward and for me regular attendance at meetings has helped me to keep stepping forward; however small. The choice is yours, the door to AA will always be open.

Take what you like and leave the rest

Keep coming back

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 2:54 am
by ann2
Hi Kelly,

Welcome. I am so glad you found us. There are many reasons folk can't get to face-to-face meetings, and there are also many plusses to online meetings. I hope you keep coming back here! We are a real AA group and have been together online over 10 years, reaching out to the newcomer, learning and growing together.

I discovered online AA when I moved to Finland, and found myself isolated geographically as well as linguistically. It was a small community, and i am sure that kept many from attending the 2 meetings a week that were available.

In fact, I didn't even like the meetings, so I thought I would start a new one. Imagine, me, American, not able to compminicate, female in a male-dominated environment, plus new to boot . . . The mind boggles :-)

I was smart enough at least to realize I needed support, so I came online looking for resources. I found this online group and just kept coming back :-)

Slowly my f2f group got a little more bearable . . . Other women showed up occasionally. . . And the guys showed their caring, in their gruff way. I got to admire and respect their sobriety.

But I also dived into online AA and it has been terrific, even better than f2f. I think that is because I started to understand that thiere is a common solution to the drinking problem, and it doesn't matter if i am in Finland, Estonia, Sweden or Boston, where I got sober. The solution that alcoholics all over the world use is not in meetings . . . It is in our basic text, called Alcoholics Anonymous, known as The Big Book. You can read it online here www.e-aa.org/about_aa.php along with a lot of other helpful literature.

The two guys who shared before are perhaps not familiar with everything online AA can offer. We welcome newcomers and we support them with our experience, strength and hope, just like in f2f meetings. There is service and fellowship. We a
Re here for each other, we share, and we impart the answer to the drinking problem -- the 12 steps -- by explaining how we apply it in our lives, and how this solution works for us.

It works great, online or f2f.

AA couldn't exist if there weren't for a way to pass it on without meetings. Online is just another way . . . And I am so glad you made it here :-)

Ann

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 4:12 am
by Kellyauk
Thank you so much. I feel relieved now that I have realised its me that has the problem and not the alcohols fault! I feel positive that the health benefits will keep me on track. I defiantly need support and don't know whether I am the real deal as you say. But I know my life will be better moving forward without alcohol. I will read the literature and keep popping online for advice. I am finding it easier at the moment, at home nice and safe. Until next Saturday when it's a friends birthday..... I will drive, I just don't know what to say to people when they ask why aren't you drinking??

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 4:22 am
by Tosh
Kellyauk wrote:Well I have finally taken the plunge and admitted I have an alcohol problem. I am currently living in Cyprus and live in a close knit environment so I would not feel comfortable attending local meetings. I have discussed with my husband and he is 100% behind me. I went out on Friday with the girls and really got drunk and don't remember getting home or anything. Was anxious all day yesterday and didn't feel "human" until 7pm! I have been up all night going over all the stupid things I have done drunk! So ashamed!
Hi Kelly,

You sound like a pad's wife (sorry for the archaic language). I'm an ex squaddie, though you probably can tell by my language, so I can fully understand your situation and the close knit environment you're living in. I've also known soldier's wives who were banned from the Sergeant's mess 'cos they were quite mental when they're on the drink. One lady in particular, she was married to a REME sergeant, climbed onto the polished wooden tables in her evening dress during a dinner evening - amongst all the silver - and SWUNG the chandelier like a pendulum. Oh how I laughed at that one. The RSM's face was magic; he looked like the Ribena man. The husband was called in the next day for a chat without coffee, and she wasn't allowed in the mess again.

However, alcoholism has got a very serious side to it also. I don't know if you identify as being an alcoholic; that's for you to investigate, but it is a progressive and fatal illness. It's not attractive either. Personally, I'm quite open about my alcoholism; I find there's no shame in being a sober alcoholic (secretly I think there's a bit of kudos to it), so my suggestion is, if you cannot moderate or stop drinking, A.A. maybe the best place in the world for you. And even in a close knit environment, it's called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS. No member should divulge your presence at an A.A. meeting to anyone else; we take this seriously and at every meeting the instructions on the yellow card are read out:

Image

Anyway, I hope you stick around. And being where you are, you're in a great situation to recover and help others in a culture that is very heavy drinking orientated.

Regards

Tosh

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 5:18 am
by Tosh
Kellyauk wrote:I just don't know what to say to people when they ask why aren't you drinking??
I normally just say, "Oh, I'm an alkie!" and smile. At a wedding I've even covered my wine glass with my hand and said to the waiter, "I can't, mate, I'm an alkie!".

I don't really care and I doubt anyone else does either.

I don't have to worry about what people will think at work because I'm self employed, however my sponsor is a jet-setting type; he's always off to far away countries for his work and he works in a large organisation. He tells me everyone at his work knows he's a recovered alkie and when they get a new works nurse in, he always introduces himself to him/her and explains that he's a recovered alkie and that if she can, she's welcome to point people she thinks that have a problem with alcohol in his direction. He says over the years he's managed to help quite a few people out because of this.

And recently I heard a well groomed lady share that when she told her friends that she can't drink because she is an alcoholic, one of them said, "Well, if you're an alcoholic, that makes me one too!". I thought it was great that she was honest with her friends and maybe planted a few seeds in their minds too.

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 5:49 am
by Kellyauk
Thank you so much. I am a pads wife and haven't been banned from anywhere or got my hubby in trouble...but I don't ant to get to that stage. I just drink on excess and I am a write off for a couple of days. I have been to a friends today and told her I am no longer drinking, just said its bad for my health. She replied "good for you hunni" was not the reply I was expecting!

I will look in to AA meetings, I just worry as I work in the Creche and I don't want to lose my job. I don't drink in the week but have beer fear on the weekend in case anyone has seen me drunk. How awful! I am not mean or aggressive just don't know when to stop.

How do you get a sponsor? I want to do this and I think I can stay strong every day, just want to not feel ashamed!

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 7:58 am
by ann2
Hi Kelly!

Sponsors are any AA member, potentially. Mostof us stay sober through passing along the solution to others. You can go ahead and ask someone, preferably of the same sex, for help taking the steps and learning the AA way of life. For my part it is a welcome opportunity to relive the relief of finding help.

Some groups offer what are called "temporary" sponsors, AA members more or less chosen at random. They are "temporary" only to take off the pressure about making what some think of as a daunting decision. How the sponsorship progresses, if it does, is up to both parties.

E-AA offers temporary online sponsorship. I can pm the link to you.

Great to read you!

Ann

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 8:07 am
by becksdad
Hi Kelly! My name is Ed, and I am an alcoholic. Glad you are here. I understand the reluctance to try out meetings, and had many of the same reasons, but I found my reasons debunked pretty quickly. I found that absolutely no one cares one bit whether I am alcoholic or not (except my family). I never lost a job because I was trying to recover in AA meetings, but I have lost jobs because I drank to excess and either played the fool at the wrong times or couldn't fulfill my obligations.

I also "quit" drinking many times without benefit of solid direction on what to do to be not just successful, but comfortable. But it never lasted. I am not "strong" when it comes to drinking. I cannot fight this disease, and it is a disease. Willpower is of no use. At the risk of being a bit crude, a friend of mine likes to say that diarrhea is a symptom of a disease, also. Next time you have diarrhea... try using willpower on it!! Crude, but true.

We are restless, irritable and discontent after a while of not drinking, and once the first drink is in us, we cannot stop drinking. I also proved to myself that this is a progressive and fatal disease - it continues to get worse, never better without treatment. But once I became willing to go to meetings and seek out help from other drunks who recovered from this disease, I found that there is a way to become free of it's devastating effects. And really, that is what happens - we become free. The problem becomes removed day to day, so long as we keep a simple attitude to be willing to do a few simple things. All I had to do was find out what those other recovered drunks did to bring this about, and then do those things myself.

Doesn't it sound inviting to envision a state where there is not a fight involved? to become free instead of strong? To realize a wonderment and happiness in life? To not be fearful all the time? There are so many blessings from recovery, but I found I could not do anything about it alone. I had to have others help. Together, we get better.

Hope to see you here more, Kelly. I hope you can take the leap of faith that walking in to your first AA meeting is. It's the best thing that ever happened to me. Please keep coming here and sharing with us!

Thanks,..... Ed

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 9:38 am
by Sweeney
Tosh wrote: No member should divulge your presence at an A.A. meeting to anyone else; we take this seriously and at every meeting the instructions on the yellow card are read out:

Image

Tosh

This is, for me a very important piece of AA literature a pice that I haven't seen in meetings since I arrived in Alice Springs back in Oct. This is a close knit community of sorts, the four meetings here are attended regularly by a "core" group with travelling visitors and some from the local rehab. When I first got back to the rooms after my first time around AA the yellow card gave me some of the security I needed to keep coming back. I can't wait to return to the UK and see and hear this again.

All I have to do is Keep Coming Back and I have been working the program to the best of my ability since 27th Aug 2012. I wish you and any alcoholic wishing to recover all the best and remember the slogans.

It works if you work it.

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 12:39 pm
by Tosh
Kellyauk wrote:I just worry as I work in the Creche and I don't want to lose my job.
My ex wife did that too when I served. She worked in the Little Dragoons in Hohne, Germany and with 2 Royal Anglian in Chepstow. Just for interest.

I quite understand about the beating of the tom tom drums - gossip - that takes place in family quarters areas, so I fully agree with your stance on the anonymity thing.

I think you're doing great, btw, you've had a chat with hubby who sounds understanding and you're exploring your options. Well done. I wish I had your wisdom; it took me a long time to realise that I had to stop drinking, that there were no half measures available to me.

Can I ask what the situation with A.A. meetings are where you live? Are there English speaking ones there? I've only spent four hours at Akrotiri airport with engine problems; so I can't say I've ever been there.

Re: Day 2

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 1:52 pm
by Marc L
ann2 wrote:Slowly my f2f group got a little more bearable . . . Other women showed up occasionally. . . And the guys showed their caring, in their gruff way. I got to admire and respect their sobriety.
Some of us Gorilla's are a bit clumbsy so Fine Art can be difficult to grasp. :lol:

Marc

Re: Day 2

Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 2:04 am
by kjay
Hi Kelly,

I'm Ken and I am an alchoholic. I most likely live in a bigger town than you but, I wanted to share some thoughts.

When I saw someone I knew at the meetings I was kinda embarassed at first until I relized he was there for the same reasons. I still slouched in my chair for them not to see me. Untill they came to shake my hand and say, welcome. I have run into my landlords son, my next door neighbor, and a few old drinking buddies. They never brought up my personal life at the meetings, and they never brought up my meetings in my personal life. It is a sort of unsead trust.

Also I wanted to share this. In my experience I think I would want my boss, friends, and nieghbors to "catch" me in recovery, than be caught acting foolish under the influence.

Welcome, and keep coming back!

Re: Day 2

Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:59 am
by Hanna
Kellyauk wrote:...got drunk and don't remember getting home or anything. Was anxious all day yesterday and didn't feel "human" until 7pm! I have been up all night going over all the stupid things I have done drunk! So ashamed!
Kelly you never have to feel like that again.
Stay here, they are people willing to help you. You don't have to try and do this alone, we get better together.
Keep posting,
Hanna