About to start AA alone with really no support.

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.
Post Reply
Forums Newcomer
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2012 6:30 pm

About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by ShannaLee83 »

I have been drinking heavily for about 4 years now. It started when I lost the job of my dreams. Not due to alcohol, that was the aftermath.

Anyways, I am engaged. I have 2 kids, joint custody. My relationship with my fiance has been somewhat unstable. The straw that broke the camel's back in my ex-husband's eyes was when my fiance kicked me and my children out at 2am the night before the first day of this school year. I drank and started and fight that night and my fiance was fed up, so he told me to call my mom and leave.

The next morning I took the kids to school w/ my ex and then he let me have it. I asked for help finding an AA meeting group because I had no means to find one at the time. No internet, computer, smart phone ETC. He agreed. I went to work, called him when I got home to find him demanding I go to rehab. He spoke w/ his 1st wife who is an ex meth addict. And she convinced him to keep the kids from me until I went to rehab. I felt betrayed because she and I have had a very close relationship over the years and raised her kids when she was dealing with her addiction.

I whole heartily asked for help and feel they went to the extreme. Wanting me to leave my fiance, quit my new job for rehab, and keep my kids from me, which LEGALLY they can't. He said he will forget rehab if I provide him w/ a 3 month sobriety chip. BUT that the kids wouldn't be allowed to sleep over w/ me until then and that they are not allowed my fiance.

My ex has refused to help me in anyway, because he has been talking to "someone" who works w/ addicts and she said not to help me at all, but offered to get me to and from meetings.

On top of all of this, my fiance didn't pay rent for our new apt and we got evicted. Staying w/ friends 45 mins away from my job. Thus, me having internet/computer access.

I found meetings and asked my boss to work w/ my schedule for the beginners weekly meetings and she agreed. I asked my ex to fulfill his promise to get me to and from meetings and he said he was told I would never succeed if he or anyone else helped me and I had to do it on my own.

Last week (9-11) was my 29th birthday, Sunday (9-16) was my one year dating anniversary w/ my fiance. I drank that week. I knew I would, so I didn't seek meetings until this week because I knew I would falter. I got really upset Saturday night w/ my fiance because he likes to indulge in that synthetic weed. He went out, said he was buying another bottle of wine and another bag of the "spice." He came back w/ wine and said he bought 2 bags earlier that day, which he didn't---I was w/ him, and I got upset because he lied to my face. The arise of another fight.

It got hot and heavy and he broke up w/ me 2 hours before our anniversary. We sleep in opposite rooms and the next morning he tells me if I take one more drink of alcohol then we are done. But he indulges in the "spice" and pills. Seems hypocritical to me...

Point of the back story is, I was off work today and he was "high" as soon as he walked in the door from work and we just returned to get him his 3rd bag of the day at $11 each. He didn't get me a gift for my birthday or anniversary, due to money, but spends upward to $30 a day on this stuff. He has been harsh to me w/ comments today because I think he should be saving his money to get our own place again. "When you don't drink you are S****Y to me." I asked if it was $33 he spent today on the stuff and he replied, "This is gonna be when you aren't drinking!" and one more that I can't recall. I feel like I have no support from anyone right now. I am so very much looking forward to finding a sponser, but I don't know how to do it. Everyone close in my life seems to be kicking me when down.

When you tell someone you want them to quit drinking you should support them, not make negative comments right??

Just don't know what to do....

User avatar
Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2012 10:20 pm

Re: About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by Ida »

I'm sorry you are going through such a painful time. I know it seems impossible, but worrying about what people think of you is not helping you right now. Focus solely on you and getting well. Get the help you need, whatever that might mean for you.

User avatar
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 7938
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 2:01 am
Location: Somewhere in Sweden

Re: About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by ann2 »

Good point Ida! Glad you're here! ShannaLee, I'm glad you found us -- and believe me we are right where you are as well! I got sober using the support of an AA group that met just a 10 minute walk from my house. Call Alcoholics Anonymous -- the number is in your phone book -- and ask for help. We offer all kinds of one-on-one guidance and practical help because we know what it's like. I couldn't have done it alone and nobody has to!

Reach out and make that phone call for your sake, and for the kids' sakes!

"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 46
Joined: Sun May 13, 2012 2:00 am

Re: About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by derek »

Hello,my name is derek sorry to read the way your life is . dreadfully sorry, but I think your ex is right & stand for your self. At my first meeting the man that sat next to me kept whispering to me "don,t pick up the first drink no matter how hard life gets"all the way through the meeting. my suggestion is go to rehab. I walked the streets, slept at work & was very very lonely I would not recommend that, but I did as I was told & didn,t pick up the first drink, just an hour at a time and I am glad to say it worked or I wouldn,t be writing this letter & life did get better. I had dug a hole for myself and the more I drank the deeper the hole & the longer it took me to get out, if I didn,t drink at least I wasn,t digging, and then there was only one way to go , up & and out. I wish you well just stop digging . take care d

User avatar
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 5307
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by avaneesh912 »

At my first meeting the man that sat next to me kept whispering to me "don,t pick up the first drink no matter how hard life gets"all the way through the meeting.

Yeah, you hear a lot. You will hear, its not the cabuse its the Engine or something like pick your a' and go to meeting even if your a' falls off. These come from people who don't understand the obsession piece of the disease. AA helps you live a happy life without booze. The desire to stay stopped must come from within. Good suggestion on going to rehab. Book suggest clearing up the befogged mind before psychological treatment.
Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism.(Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

Forums Old Timer
Posts: 4296
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by Lali »

ShannaLee83 wrote:keep my kids from me, which LEGALLY they can't.
Actually, he can try to get a court order for you to have supervised visitation. He would probably have to go through Child Protective Services who would interview the children. I've seen a lot of this due to my job in the legal field. I'm not trying to scare you, ShannaLee, I just want you to be informed of the possibilities so you aren't blindsided should something like this occur.

I'm glad you found us here. There's lots of people here that want to help you.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

User avatar
Forums Old Timer
Posts: 1732
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:11 pm
Location: Norfolk, VA

Re: About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by Tommy-S »

We're here to help you Not drink.

Alcoholism is a progressive, fatal illness... "Over any considerable period, we get worse, never better."

And so, too, does the life I live. It was mind-boggling to me how much 'crap' left my life simply because I got help Not to pick up that Fatal First One.

I also had to be forced to look at the FACT that the problem is ME... no one else ever held a gun to my head and forced me to drink. So those old AA's taught me to take the focus off people places, and things. My problem is ME.

Today, because I found the strength in numbers, I haven't had to pick up that Fatal First One in many 24 hours... and I have a good life.

AA works, I'm proof of it.

Thanks for sharing
Together, we don't have to cave in or wimp out to that Fatal First One, no matter what today!

User avatar
Forums Contributor
Posts: 444
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2011 5:58 pm
Location: West Virginia

Re: About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by jakpar »

welcome to eAA!
we need never be alone again.........
keep coming back

"We are of service by accepting responsibility for the authority God has given us and by respecting the authority God has given to others"

Forums Enthusiast
Posts: 33
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2012 11:32 am

Re: About to start AA alone with really no support.

Post by mjohns451 »

welcome! We're all here when you need us, just send one of us a message and a reply shouldnt be far behind :) Never give up and know you're not alone.

Post Reply