Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

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Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby irrlicht » Tue Apr 10, 2018 5:40 am

Nobody suspects I'm an alcoholic. Female, 28 years old. French. IT department manager. <3:30 marathoner. Alpinist. Piano player. Speaking 6 languages. Alcoholic.
I got a certificate from my doctor today that I can run another marathon (it's obligatory in France) although he was wondering why my face is so red (sunburn because of skiing?) and my heart rate is 70, not 48 like one year ago (spring and I fell in love with my boyfriend again?). He was surprised something has happened to me because he has already given me 4 certificates for running, paragliding or extreme skiing in previous years and I have never came back with any medical issues.
My director and my colleagues think I'm just too stressed (stressed for 5 months?). Red face because of sunburn. Slow speech because of stress of the newly promoted.
My partner knows I drink but believes it's because of him. It's not, nothing is wrong with him, I just cannot stop.
My parents think I am too stressed because of the sports.
Sometimes I forget the things. Sometimes I get shivers for no reason. Sometimes I fall asleep at work for no reason. Sometimes I drink at work, at the bathroom. Sometimes I fall asleep at the bathroom. Sometimes I miss the meetings.
I go running drunk, still faster than many newcomers in our running club.
But it will be over soon.
250ml (12,5 drinks) of vodka per day. Starting in the morning (my partner leaves at 6:30am and I leave at 7:30am, so I have the whole hour of "my time"). Drinking at home or on the street. Sometimes with the homeless or other alcoholics... and then I put make up and go back to work. I hope nobody has seen me.
I want to start again but nobody believes I have a problem.
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby avaneesh912 » Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:14 am

I want to start again but nobody believes I have a problem.

I am glad that you have this realization. Others dont have to believe that you have a problem. Its better this way. You take charge and change. Please understand the mind of the alcoholic is a treacherous one. If we don't handle life, the mind starts to rear its ugly head again. Thats where the 12 steps of AA can help an alcoholic. If you don't have the book called alcoholics anonymous, I would suggest visiting one of the local AA meetings and get one. Also there are only versions available that you can start digging in rightaway.

It took few deaths in my family to get my wife convinced that it is indeed fatal. So don't worry about others idea of alcoholism. Read the book and see what Bill and others did to sober up.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby Blue Moon » Tue Apr 10, 2018 7:46 am

What do you believe? That's the important question.

Doctors get very little training with alcoholism unless they specialise in the field. So just because your doctor doesn't recognise "classic" symptoms of alcohol abuse at the time you visit, doesn't mean you don't have alcohol dependency, or alcohol abuse at other times. To diagnose a problem would require a lot more time in the office than the typical Dr has available.
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby Layne » Tue Apr 10, 2018 9:00 am

You are the only person who can do something about your alcoholism, so you are the only that needs to acknowledge the fact. Goodatcha for admitting that you have a problem! What is your plan going forward?
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby Brock » Tue Apr 10, 2018 10:54 am

Welcome here, and congratulations on reaching out because you recognize a problem.

You will find there are AA meetings in your area, and perhaps you will try a few, it’s hard to judge just from one, since they vary in format and the people who attend, we are usually more comfortable in certain meetings than others. And yes we all say what about my job, people might see me there, but they are there for the same reason, and the word anonymous is taken seriously in our fellowship.

We don’t like to try and psychoanalyze anyone, generally AA members are dis-waded from ‘playing doctor.’ But I have read on the connection between extreme sports and alcoholism, they seem to share certain things in common. When you are racing down a hill on skies, or inching your way up a mountain side, and how you do this paragliding is beyond me, I think I am brave but no way would I do that. Anyway, in all these activities our thinking shuts down, except for the absolute present moment concentration on what you are doing, it has to or else we make a mistake and get hurt or worse. Well for me some drinks used to slow down the constant thinking, and act in a way similar, help me live in the present.

The AA program is designed to firstly get us to a position where we don’t need a drink, or feel for one, there are ‘tools’ we learn to use instead of drinking. It then encourages us to develop on this, and turns out to be a formula for living second to none, it promises serenity and it delivers on this promise.

I will put up some links to literature you might read when you have the time, including a few chapters from our main text that someone else mentioned. Any questions or comments are welcomed here, helping newer members is something we enjoy, you are among friends here, from all parts of the world.

Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.

3.More About Alcoholism.

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.

Edit – The meeting finder may not be useful for Europe, this one should be - http://aazurich.org

You will see ‘hotline’ contacts that you can email or call for information on meetings in your area.
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby Roberth » Tue Apr 10, 2018 11:58 am

hello irrlicht, Actually I don't care whether or not you are an alcoholic. if you want to stop drinking you are in the right place. I have found a way you live my life free from alcohol which I thought was impossible before I cam to AA.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby PaigeB » Tue Apr 10, 2018 12:05 pm

If they do not yet "know" you are an alcoholic, that is a good thing. No sense in going to complete ruin to prove it to them or get their approval. It sounds like you have a Will to Live... Sounds like you want to Live Well. I am sure "they" will see no harm in a little bit of extra "life training" in the form of an AA program.

Get busy living or get busy dying. Your choice.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby positrac » Thu Apr 12, 2018 5:56 am

Welcome and thanks for the share. I can say this and it is often overlooked and it goes like this: Even smart people get jammed up by addictions. You obviously are extremely capable and maybe even an over achiever and that is very admirable. Being an alcoholic is complicated because it can't happen to me/us/them and it has no bounds and knows no race, color, creed! AA is a very simple program for complicated people who want to pick it to death to find the hidden trick(s). Stick to the program and it will open your eyes and give you the hope that I missing in dealing with the drink.

Worry about yourself and just take care because if you refuse to change this addiction will pull you down to levels you'll never fathom possible. Many here with years of sobriety can tell you that we are all kinds and that is what makes us real! keep coming back and ask for help because this may be the one area most difficult for you to do and it is ok because you aren't alone.

Seize the day.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby Tosh » Thu Apr 19, 2018 12:12 pm

irrlicht wrote: I just cannot stop.

All alcoholics stop drinking at some stage, but the trick is to do it while you're still alive; even better if you can do it before you start losing stuff, like your job or boyfriend, etc.

And trust me, you can stop drinking and stay stopped; you just need to find out how.

What I found in A.A. was that there's a method - a program of action (which is perfect for a 'can do' kind of person) - and this program tackles the real root of the problem; hint: drinking isn't our real problem, our real problem is what we feel/think when we're stone cold sober, and it's this thinking/feeling that drives us to drink, so in reality, drinking is our solution to the real problem.

A.A. offers an alternative solution - a healthier and happier one - to drinking.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Even my boyfriend and my doctor don't believe

Postby BrendaChenowyth » Thu Apr 19, 2018 3:14 pm

Alcoholism is the name that we give to the unmanageable state of our lives. Others can't make that determination for us.

Do it for you! 12 step programs are good for us for what they bring us, not for what they take away.
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